How's that for an "up" title to a blog post?
Let me back up a little bit. The Psalms are written with 3 themes: Orientation ("I love you Lord..." "You are my deliverer...") Disorientation ("The cords of death entangle me") and Reorientation ("He brought me out into a spacious place...")
I have observed in my own deliverance and in others that this is a wonderful place of freedom but it can also be lonely as no usually gets delivered with you. It is unique to you. If you have shared your trials and battles with friends they will rejoice with you when you get to the spacious place but they don't know, really know what you and God went through to get there. And that can be lonely. As I have said before, I process things. Sometimes I process things a long time. I am at a point of asking God "Why did we have to go through that to get to this point?" "Why did it have to be so hard?" "What do you want me to do with this now?" My heart is changed, my life is changed but I don't know what to do with it. I feel like in answer to the first 3 questions he says to me "I got your attention right? This is a life lesson, right? This will stick, right? You want to help others and share with them, right?" And I say "Of course, but what do you want me to do? I don't know a soul and in a month that hasn't changed. The ones who love me and pray for me are far, far away. What do you want me to do?"
Maybe by next week I will have a clearer vision or a better attitude or a different perspective. I pray so.
So in that time I will cling to this promise: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
(Joshua 1:9)
God bless.....
joy
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Expectations
We have been here just 3 weeks. In some ways it seems so much longer. I have settled into a few routines. I get up before the kids, take a shower, get them up, bring them to school. I have found the best route to get there. I get home, take the dog for a walk and then come home and eat something for breakfast which usually, ok always, includes Mt Dew. Then I set about with whatever moves me on my list. Could be errands, unpacking, hanging things on walls, whatever. I have not done what I said I would be doing by now and that's take a book and sit on the beach. Too cold.
The ocean and the beach is my metaphor these days. I go there expecting one thing-sun, fun and warm. If I did not expect that, I would not go there. Sometimes, though, it is cold, windy and cloudy. Do you know I still sit there though? Partly because the kids don't recognize the cold but partly because I feel like it's God's gift to our family. It's precious time we are together and making memories. Any burdens or stress we feel from this move are set aside for awhile while we are there.
I think about Jesus when I think about the ocean and my expectations. When John the Baptist, who was in jail, waiting to get his head cut off, sent his friends to ask Jesus, "Are you the one who we is coming or should we expect someone else?" (Matthew 11:1-7) Jesus replies (and I am paraphrasing) “Look at everything that is happening….Blessed is the one who does not fall away on account of me.” In the Message it is translated “Is this what you were expecting? Then count yourselves most blessed!" Maybe John asked the question because he was expecting something else, a ruler to oust the Romans or at least someone to get him out of jail. But I think he was likely thinking, “I did not expect this!” Maybe he wanted to know “Have I sacrificed my life for the right thing?” Jesus is saying “Yes, it is worth it but I am not what you expected.” He doesn’t say “Sorry, wish I could do more.” He doesn’t need to apologize. He is stating the fact. “I will not fit into your box; I will not meet everyone’s expectations.” And like the ocean He created, He is constant whether the sun is shining or not and whether or not I like the how things are going. Praise the Lord because I confess I am more the one "who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed like the wind." (James 1:6)
Ps 146:5-6
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, -the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them — the Lord, who remains faithful forever.
Jer 31:35
This is what the Lord says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar — the Lord Almighty is his name
Blessings,
joy
The ocean and the beach is my metaphor these days. I go there expecting one thing-sun, fun and warm. If I did not expect that, I would not go there. Sometimes, though, it is cold, windy and cloudy. Do you know I still sit there though? Partly because the kids don't recognize the cold but partly because I feel like it's God's gift to our family. It's precious time we are together and making memories. Any burdens or stress we feel from this move are set aside for awhile while we are there.
I think about Jesus when I think about the ocean and my expectations. When John the Baptist, who was in jail, waiting to get his head cut off, sent his friends to ask Jesus, "Are you the one who we is coming or should we expect someone else?" (Matthew 11:1-7) Jesus replies (and I am paraphrasing) “Look at everything that is happening….Blessed is the one who does not fall away on account of me.” In the Message it is translated “Is this what you were expecting? Then count yourselves most blessed!" Maybe John asked the question because he was expecting something else, a ruler to oust the Romans or at least someone to get him out of jail. But I think he was likely thinking, “I did not expect this!” Maybe he wanted to know “Have I sacrificed my life for the right thing?” Jesus is saying “Yes, it is worth it but I am not what you expected.” He doesn’t say “Sorry, wish I could do more.” He doesn’t need to apologize. He is stating the fact. “I will not fit into your box; I will not meet everyone’s expectations.” And like the ocean He created, He is constant whether the sun is shining or not and whether or not I like the how things are going. Praise the Lord because I confess I am more the one "who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed like the wind." (James 1:6)
Ps 146:5-6
Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, -the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them — the Lord, who remains faithful forever.
Jer 31:35
This is what the Lord says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar — the Lord Almighty is his name
Blessings,
joy
Sunday, March 21, 2010
"I can't do it"
This has been my mantra, my lament, my crying out for about the past week. Maybe longer. I am not sure. I have said it when the kids' teachers said they need to learn "higher order thinking" in mathematics (NOT my strength) in the next 7-8 weeks. I have said it when I lost my car keys and I called the kids in sick for school one day (I wasn't going to share that, but what is a blog unless it attempts to be real?). I have said it when my temporary Florida nursing license expired without notice and I didn't know it until the day I went for my prescreening appointment at my new job. I said it when the loneliness has gripped me so tight I wasn't sure I could stand it much more.
On Friday I had one of those days that I think is another children's book but I can't find it. It would go something like "This happened and I was so mad. Then this happened and I was so happy." That really doesn't capture it though. If you could draw that, it would be just up and down lines. What it really looks like is a scribbly line all over a big white page.
I am all about processing and seeking what God is trying to tell me in all this and here is what I feel like He has spoke into my heart this weekend. "You are right, Joy, you can't. But I CAN." This requires utter, total dependence. But He has shown me over and over again that what I can't do, He can and does.
He can work in my children's hearts and minds and help them understand the concepts I don't know how to explain. He can redeem a day of being stuck home with a time to read books together and just chill out. He can help me find the keys behind the dresser. He can have the Florida Board of Nursing tell me that they can get me a permanent license in 3-5 days and not the usual 30 day minimum. He can take the scribbles and make them into a masterpiece. PRAISE HIM.
So the Bible verse that was given to me at church today says it best:
"So he said to me, ....'Not by (Joy's) might nor by (Joy's) power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty." Zechariah 4:6 (NIV)
Thanks for reading....
joy
On Friday I had one of those days that I think is another children's book but I can't find it. It would go something like "This happened and I was so mad. Then this happened and I was so happy." That really doesn't capture it though. If you could draw that, it would be just up and down lines. What it really looks like is a scribbly line all over a big white page.
I am all about processing and seeking what God is trying to tell me in all this and here is what I feel like He has spoke into my heart this weekend. "You are right, Joy, you can't. But I CAN." This requires utter, total dependence. But He has shown me over and over again that what I can't do, He can and does.
He can work in my children's hearts and minds and help them understand the concepts I don't know how to explain. He can redeem a day of being stuck home with a time to read books together and just chill out. He can help me find the keys behind the dresser. He can have the Florida Board of Nursing tell me that they can get me a permanent license in 3-5 days and not the usual 30 day minimum. He can take the scribbles and make them into a masterpiece. PRAISE HIM.
So the Bible verse that was given to me at church today says it best:
"So he said to me, ....'Not by (Joy's) might nor by (Joy's) power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty." Zechariah 4:6 (NIV)
Thanks for reading....
joy
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
First Post
My day has been a little like "If you give a Mouse a Cookie"
If you decide to send an email to your friends and family with your new contact info they will want pictures of the new house
If you take pictures of the new house you will need to clean up the new house
If you clean up the new house you will need to set out Easter decorations
If you get the pictures taken you will check your email while they are loading
If you check the email a sweet friend will email and ask if you have set up the blog you said you would do
If you decide to set up a blog you need to pick a meaningful name, template and first post :)
Whew...
I wanted to set up this blog because I knew this move to a new state would be an ongoing journey from the moment we said we would go until I don't know when. I wanted a place to share with friends and family my struggles, my joys, my God sightings and the mundane of life.
The only thing I want to say is that the past few weeks have been wonderful and painful. What we have gotten to share as a family in a beautiful place has been wonderful. The dark times are especially dark when you have no one around to just dump it on. It's too hard in a phone call and I don't want others to worry. Most of the time it is temporary and God reminds me that I am secure in his hand.
What I have realized is that for about 2 weeks my thought process "Why is He taking everything away from me? Everything that was me is no more. NOTHING in my life (except Steve and the kids) is the same. " My identity was in a tailspin. My relationships were rocked. My future uncertain. I asked Him repeatedly "You have asked the question 'Who do you say that I am?' and now I want to know 'Who do you say that I am?' I felt stripped bare like a stolen car. Now I am starting to realize that God didn't take me away from me, He is giving me back to me. This is not a butterflies and sunshine process. It can be painful (especially when I fight it) but it is worth it.
So in this place, as it was in Iowa, one thing has not changed, the most important thing:
"But me he caught—reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field (a spacious place); I stood there saved—surprised to be loved! God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. " Psalm 18 The Message
Thanks for reading! God Bless!
joy
If you decide to send an email to your friends and family with your new contact info they will want pictures of the new house
If you take pictures of the new house you will need to clean up the new house
If you clean up the new house you will need to set out Easter decorations
If you get the pictures taken you will check your email while they are loading
If you check the email a sweet friend will email and ask if you have set up the blog you said you would do
If you decide to set up a blog you need to pick a meaningful name, template and first post :)
Whew...
I wanted to set up this blog because I knew this move to a new state would be an ongoing journey from the moment we said we would go until I don't know when. I wanted a place to share with friends and family my struggles, my joys, my God sightings and the mundane of life.
The only thing I want to say is that the past few weeks have been wonderful and painful. What we have gotten to share as a family in a beautiful place has been wonderful. The dark times are especially dark when you have no one around to just dump it on. It's too hard in a phone call and I don't want others to worry. Most of the time it is temporary and God reminds me that I am secure in his hand.
What I have realized is that for about 2 weeks my thought process "Why is He taking everything away from me? Everything that was me is no more. NOTHING in my life (except Steve and the kids) is the same. " My identity was in a tailspin. My relationships were rocked. My future uncertain. I asked Him repeatedly "You have asked the question 'Who do you say that I am?' and now I want to know 'Who do you say that I am?' I felt stripped bare like a stolen car. Now I am starting to realize that God didn't take me away from me, He is giving me back to me. This is not a butterflies and sunshine process. It can be painful (especially when I fight it) but it is worth it.
So in this place, as it was in Iowa, one thing has not changed, the most important thing:
"But me he caught—reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field (a spacious place); I stood there saved—surprised to be loved! God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. " Psalm 18 The Message
Thanks for reading! God Bless!
joy
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