I am, finally after 8 months, sitting on the beach with my Bible, my journal and
a commentary. Why it took so long to do this turns out to be the real reason
God brought me out here under the guise of a "spiritual retreat." The best way
I can put it is "Sometimes God tricks me to get me somewhere so I can deal with
what I have been avoiding for a long time."
About a year ago, maybe more I was sitting in my Iowa pastor's office and for some reason I was thinking about reaching out & I was sharing that I did a search and the only time I could find those words in the Bible was when the "woman with blood" in Mark 5 reached out and touched the hem of Jesus's robe. I thought that was weird but I felt like my pastor knew that it was significant. So I always pay attention to that story and I was reading it again today on my "retreat" along with a commentary.
The story goes on to say Jesus feels "power gone from him" and He calls her out. See, it was an act of tremendous faith on her part to believe that just touching his robe would heal her but Jesus took it a step further. My commentary said He did that because He knew she needed the personal, face to face encounter with him. I love that.
Then do you know what she did? I always remembered that he blessed her and sent her away. BUT when I reread it again today I realized that she first told him her whole story-Mark 5:32 (the msg says it best). It is significant!
Here's the backstory: I loved Psalm 18 especially verses 20-24 in the weeks before we left Iowa. "God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him." See, we went through some really difficult, gross financial stuff as a result of wage cuts, layoffs and unwise decisions on our part. We were so embarassed by it, but at the time I felt God wanted me to be honest and share with those closest to us exactly what was going on. I didn't want people to think we "ran away" when I knew they would find out eventually. Some felt the need to respond with kind words and that was sweet. Others said nothing because either (a) it didn't matter to them, we were the same people or (b) maybe they were disappointed in us. I don't know. But the whole thing is a black cloud and the enemy has used it to shoot arrows of lies at my core.
Fast forward to today and my "spiritual retreat." I was reflecting on the reasons in my journal "Why has it taken me so long to do this?" And the first thing off my pen was "Because it's a luxury I don't deserve." The reason I haven't been out here to the beach to retreat and why I cringe when my husband posts on facebook about the current temperature or about the beach or some other cool thing we are doing is because I believed I/we didn't deserve it. When this started to hit home and in the time of processing all this and I wrote in my journal "How does Jesus see it?"
Back to Mark 5. After she lays it out to Him, He says to her (and I am just now soaking this in & the tears are streaming) "Daughter you took a risk of faith & now you are healed and whole. Live well, live blessed. Be healed of your plauge." Wow.
He wants me to enjoy this place. He wants me to realize we live in a great place and are blessed and THAT'S OKAY. Grace is getting what I don't deserve. I am so thankful for the grace Jesus gives me everyday.
Thanks for hearing me again.. :)
Grace to you...
joy
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Blessed and Highly Favored
I will just start with saying I am typing this with no idea of how it will end (not unusual) and I feel exteremely "unqualified" to discuss this but the Spirit keeps pushing so here I go.
"Blessed and highly favored"-I honestly have never heard this phrase used in "everyday life" until I moved down here. It is a familiar phrase to any of us who know the Christmas story "And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, [thou that art] highly favoured, the Lord [is] with thee: blessed [art] thou among women." (Luke 1:28 KJV). So that's my paradigm from where I see this phrase, it's what the angel told Mary before he dropped the big news. Her response to the angel (after feeling troubled by the greeting then some questioning) was acceptance.
Shortly after I started my job down here, I was walking through the halls and I approached a house keeper and, as I try to do, I smiled and said "How are you?" as I was walking on by. He stopped what he was doing and in his Jamaican accent he said "I am blessed and highly favored. How about you?" Ok so now I slow my steps and my smile turns forced/polite. He goes on to tell me he told a surgeon the same thing one night in the parking garage and the man wept. (My honest thoughts? "Yeah right.") And then he says again "How about you?" And I think I said something like "I guess so." And it stuck with me and honestly, I kind of tried to avoid him or eye contact with him again, especially if in the moment I wasn't feeling very blessed and highly favored. He was not around when things were going super well and I could yell "BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED!" And I saw other people pass him and he didn't say the same thing to them. Why? Usually it was a nod or a smile and he continued his floor cleaning.
These 4 words have come up again in random places enough that I googled it to see if maybe I was missing a "catch phrase" somewhere. Maybe Beth Moore or Billy Graham had said it and I missed it. Nothing turned up but a southern gospel song by the Clark Sisters and a couple of other bloggers trying to hash it out. So I have been thinking about them alot.
When I am told I am blessed and highly favored my first response is undeserving. Because to me, a person who is blessed and highly favored is one who is obedient (like Mary). And I can't look at someone and know their walk or thier obedience. I suck at it lots of times. I try but I fail and you may not know all that about me.
But I think you can declare yourself blessed and highly favored. Not because you are patting yourself on the back or bragging. No, I think it's a perspective thing.
I am blessed and highly favored because I have the riches of salvation and unfailing love from Jesus not because of the job I have or the money I have in my account.
I am blessed and highly favored because every once in awhile God shows me and asks, ok sometimes pushes, OK occasionally shoves me into doing His will and I know I am not doing my own thing.
I am blessed and highly favored because He has given me his Word and Truth and when I am in it I am protected and I never have to believe another one of the enemies lies spoken about me.
I am blessed and highly favored because I have been given grace for when I fail not because I am doing all the "right things."
I am blessed and highly favored not because everything is perfect in my world but because its chaos and I yell, my kids fight, I have no money 2 days before payday, and my to do list grows beyond what I can ever get done and yet I KNOW that God has me secure in His hand and He is in control. (Someone feel free to remind me often)
Blessed and highly favored isn't about the external or the world we live in now. It's about eternal and knowing this world is not my home. It's keeping my eyes on Jesus.
So last week I saw my friend again and I looked him directly in the eye, knowing what he would say. And when it came to my turn in the conversation I was able to look him in the eye and say "I am blessed and highly favored." And he said "Good! Now take my phone number. You can call me anytime and I will pray for you." (In his thick Jamaican accent) And now I know his name is Andrew.
And as a side note, the other day, I was at the nurses station and an surgeon looking man in a scrubs and lab coat came breezing by and it caught my eye as he passed Andrew he said "How's it going, brother?" and reached out and gave him a "guy hug." And I realized then that Andrew is an angel. But that's for another blog. :)
Blessed and highly favored,
joy
"Blessed and highly favored"-I honestly have never heard this phrase used in "everyday life" until I moved down here. It is a familiar phrase to any of us who know the Christmas story "And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, [thou that art] highly favoured, the Lord [is] with thee: blessed [art] thou among women." (Luke 1:28 KJV). So that's my paradigm from where I see this phrase, it's what the angel told Mary before he dropped the big news. Her response to the angel (after feeling troubled by the greeting then some questioning) was acceptance.
Shortly after I started my job down here, I was walking through the halls and I approached a house keeper and, as I try to do, I smiled and said "How are you?" as I was walking on by. He stopped what he was doing and in his Jamaican accent he said "I am blessed and highly favored. How about you?" Ok so now I slow my steps and my smile turns forced/polite. He goes on to tell me he told a surgeon the same thing one night in the parking garage and the man wept. (My honest thoughts? "Yeah right.") And then he says again "How about you?" And I think I said something like "I guess so." And it stuck with me and honestly, I kind of tried to avoid him or eye contact with him again, especially if in the moment I wasn't feeling very blessed and highly favored. He was not around when things were going super well and I could yell "BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED!" And I saw other people pass him and he didn't say the same thing to them. Why? Usually it was a nod or a smile and he continued his floor cleaning.
These 4 words have come up again in random places enough that I googled it to see if maybe I was missing a "catch phrase" somewhere. Maybe Beth Moore or Billy Graham had said it and I missed it. Nothing turned up but a southern gospel song by the Clark Sisters and a couple of other bloggers trying to hash it out. So I have been thinking about them alot.
When I am told I am blessed and highly favored my first response is undeserving. Because to me, a person who is blessed and highly favored is one who is obedient (like Mary). And I can't look at someone and know their walk or thier obedience. I suck at it lots of times. I try but I fail and you may not know all that about me.
But I think you can declare yourself blessed and highly favored. Not because you are patting yourself on the back or bragging. No, I think it's a perspective thing.
I am blessed and highly favored because I have the riches of salvation and unfailing love from Jesus not because of the job I have or the money I have in my account.
I am blessed and highly favored because every once in awhile God shows me and asks, ok sometimes pushes, OK occasionally shoves me into doing His will and I know I am not doing my own thing.
I am blessed and highly favored because He has given me his Word and Truth and when I am in it I am protected and I never have to believe another one of the enemies lies spoken about me.
I am blessed and highly favored because I have been given grace for when I fail not because I am doing all the "right things."
I am blessed and highly favored not because everything is perfect in my world but because its chaos and I yell, my kids fight, I have no money 2 days before payday, and my to do list grows beyond what I can ever get done and yet I KNOW that God has me secure in His hand and He is in control. (Someone feel free to remind me often)
Blessed and highly favored isn't about the external or the world we live in now. It's about eternal and knowing this world is not my home. It's keeping my eyes on Jesus.
So last week I saw my friend again and I looked him directly in the eye, knowing what he would say. And when it came to my turn in the conversation I was able to look him in the eye and say "I am blessed and highly favored." And he said "Good! Now take my phone number. You can call me anytime and I will pray for you." (In his thick Jamaican accent) And now I know his name is Andrew.
And as a side note, the other day, I was at the nurses station and an surgeon looking man in a scrubs and lab coat came breezing by and it caught my eye as he passed Andrew he said "How's it going, brother?" and reached out and gave him a "guy hug." And I realized then that Andrew is an angel. But that's for another blog. :)
Blessed and highly favored,
joy
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Never Late
"Never believe the so called random events in life are anything less than God's appointed order." Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest
About three years ago, I had just finished an all day pediatric presentation for a group of EMS providers in northern Iowa. I was feeling really good about it and how I handled their questions. There wasn't a thing I didn't know that day. I was on fire! I knew that I could present all that information and make others understand it because I lived it. I had experienced it myself. I remember sitting in my work van that day and saying to God "Lord, that's how I want to know your word. That's how I want to share you with others. I want to experience you so I can know that I know that I know." All I can say today is "Be careful what you pray for." :) My vision=Read the Bible, get some good study aids and software, join a good Bible study group, talk with other Christians, study manuscripting. I think God looked at that and said "That's a good place to start, Joy." And then He said, "Now you need a story" and He then He kicked it into high gear.
Seven months ago I started this blog as a way to process the journey of being in an unknown place, with only my immediate family and no known plan or purpose. It stood in stark contrast from a life where I was raised, I knew where I was going, and I had strong support of amazing large family and friends.
It has the unexpected beauty for me of being able to look back and remember. Not just events but raw, real emotions. It is has been my mouthpiece for my praise and my fear, my wrestling with God and my battles against the enemy of my soul. It is written out so I can't ever sit back and say "Well, I knew it would all work out. I trusted God." Ha! I have been a questioning, wrestling mess and you all have been witnesses. :) It is also beautiful to me because I never want to forget. In that desert, I have been able to walk closest with my Father, see Him provide for me in more than material ways and discover that sweet, lone perfect flower of Acceptance of His will. (see Hinds Feet in High Places) This blog has been the place I can look back and see Him giving me my story.
He is giving me a story and He has given me special opportunities in this place to tell it. Sweet, unexpected people in strange places to tell of His love, His grace, His provision. And I love it. Everytime I shake my head and I say "What was that?" But I know what it was. It was Him inside me. Giving me the words, giving me the Rock to stand on boldly and gently pointing to the One who gets the glory. Answering my prayer from 3 years ago.
So if you are struggling and aren't sure what God is planning for you. Maybe you are deep in the throws of your desert, remember:
"This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed." (Habakkuk 2:3) God is an on time God and He is working on it in every detail, even when you can't see it.
So thank you, Jesus, for my story. Thank you that you are not done with it. Thank you for answering my prayer to know you more, even when it's been really hard. Thank you for being on time, all the time.
About three years ago, I had just finished an all day pediatric presentation for a group of EMS providers in northern Iowa. I was feeling really good about it and how I handled their questions. There wasn't a thing I didn't know that day. I was on fire! I knew that I could present all that information and make others understand it because I lived it. I had experienced it myself. I remember sitting in my work van that day and saying to God "Lord, that's how I want to know your word. That's how I want to share you with others. I want to experience you so I can know that I know that I know." All I can say today is "Be careful what you pray for." :) My vision=Read the Bible, get some good study aids and software, join a good Bible study group, talk with other Christians, study manuscripting. I think God looked at that and said "That's a good place to start, Joy." And then He said, "Now you need a story" and He then He kicked it into high gear.
Seven months ago I started this blog as a way to process the journey of being in an unknown place, with only my immediate family and no known plan or purpose. It stood in stark contrast from a life where I was raised, I knew where I was going, and I had strong support of amazing large family and friends.
It has the unexpected beauty for me of being able to look back and remember. Not just events but raw, real emotions. It is has been my mouthpiece for my praise and my fear, my wrestling with God and my battles against the enemy of my soul. It is written out so I can't ever sit back and say "Well, I knew it would all work out. I trusted God." Ha! I have been a questioning, wrestling mess and you all have been witnesses. :) It is also beautiful to me because I never want to forget. In that desert, I have been able to walk closest with my Father, see Him provide for me in more than material ways and discover that sweet, lone perfect flower of Acceptance of His will. (see Hinds Feet in High Places) This blog has been the place I can look back and see Him giving me my story.
He is giving me a story and He has given me special opportunities in this place to tell it. Sweet, unexpected people in strange places to tell of His love, His grace, His provision. And I love it. Everytime I shake my head and I say "What was that?" But I know what it was. It was Him inside me. Giving me the words, giving me the Rock to stand on boldly and gently pointing to the One who gets the glory. Answering my prayer from 3 years ago.
So if you are struggling and aren't sure what God is planning for you. Maybe you are deep in the throws of your desert, remember:
"This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed." (Habakkuk 2:3) God is an on time God and He is working on it in every detail, even when you can't see it.
So thank you, Jesus, for my story. Thank you that you are not done with it. Thank you for answering my prayer to know you more, even when it's been really hard. Thank you for being on time, all the time.
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