The word pressing on me this morning as I think about what to post is "peace." I have been wrestling with even discussing this one. For some reason it is deep in my belief system that we don't talk about good things because others might think we are bragging. And we don't do that. We also would not want to make others who are struggling right now feel worse. But all of that is a lie and now that it is exposed, I want to look at Truth.
I think when most of us think about peace we think about the absence of turmoil, conflict, pain. But the Hebrew word for peace, Shalom also includes prosperity, well-being, joy, happiness, wholeness. Our understanding of peace has mainly a negative approach, a lack of something, whereas the Hebrew includes the positive aspects as well.
I have just been feeling overwhelming peace for the past while. I guess that's what it is. It's a feeling I have not felt in my core for a very long time. Some days it is much stronger than others but it is always present. I can't explain the feeling very well. It's not related to lack of conflict or stress because I still have plenty of that. But it is calm in my soul.
In the OT the Jews gave a voluntary peace offering on top of their burnt offering. They had a peace from the sacrifice given, from knowing that they were now right with God.
I believe my calm or peace has come from knowledge of being in God's will. A sense that the sacrifices we have made, the uncertain places we have gone, the tough lessons we have learned, the agenda's we have surrendered have been worth all of it. It is God's hand on us saying "You are doing great. Keep seeking, keep following. There will be more surrender, more sacrifice, and more lessons but now you know Me better. It will be a little easier next time."
I have come to love where we are. Not just location although I do really like Florida. When I think about how Shalom means prosperity, well-being, joy, etc. I think about how we have prospered as a family. How our time together and shared memories have grown exponentially. How the kids have come to embrace our lives. How we have been blessed with new friends. How we both have jobs that uniquely fit us. How our marriage has grown closer and we have grown more dependent on each other and God. How my husband is the leader in our home in everyway and I am taken aback when I see some of the changes in him. How we have found a church that is so uniquely fitted to us it boggles my mind. How I have been able to experience God in ways I never have. A total dependence on Him. We have been blessed so much that it almost feels wrong to hide it.
I love that Jesus says peace is a gift. “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." (John 14:27)
In the OT, the peace offering was divided in 3 ways, the best was given to God, the priest was given his share and the rest was given to the person as food. This was consumed in a celebration with family.
I know that I can't have any of this peace without the sacrifice of Jesus so my sins are forgiven. He was the final sacrifice, once for all. I can walk up right and be in fellowship with the One who loves me best and be able to offer my peace offering. I guess this is my mini celebration. My way of sharing my peace offering with all of you.
Thank you for celebrating with me.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Cross Roads
When I was a kid I had on orange winter coat. I loved that thing. I don't know why. I would be embarrassed to say that orange is my favorite color as that seems sort of strange. There is probably something significant about that and my personality and I would rather not know. I have noticed I am more "orangey" in the summer thanks to a great pair of capri's and flip flops. How many people have orange flip flops? It reminds me of my 4th grade teacher who wore great flip flops but my favorite were the gold ones. She was awesome. The orange became more apparent today as I was grocery shopping in said capris and flip flops, looking cute with earrings to match and I pulled an orange pen out of my purse. In addition my bedroom is painted this fantastic shade of orange. I love it. But that is not what I had intended to write about but wanted to share my orange observations with someone. And it's why the blog has a new look. :)
I have been given some opportunities here, professionally. They are quite similar to what I was doing before and I am thankful. I prayed that the gifts, skills and opportunities God gave me before would not be wasted. I was a little (ok alot) fearful as it is in my nature to leap headlong into new challenges and projects. Before I even know what's happened I am over booked, over extended and overstressed while my kids are short on hot meals, attention and time from their mom. I am fearful of making past mistakes. I am also aware that, on my own, I did those things because my worth and identity came from the recognition I got from those endevours.
I landed on a Bible verse one day as I was wrestling this through. The verse was this "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for ancient paths ask where the good way is and walk in it, and there you will find rest for your souls." (Jeremiah 6:16) Smack in the middle of the verse I interjected-"This is troubling because I am at a cross roads. I fear making bad decisions."
The next day I was looking over an old devotional and this quote from Beth Moore jumped out at me "Every believer needs second chances. We know we are coming full circle with God when we stand at a very similar cross roads where we made such a mess of our life before, but this time we take a different road."
This is when I am thankful I journal because it wasn't until I turned back a page that the full message hit me.
When I read that I stand amazed of God's love for me and His desire to reveal Himself to me when I seek Him.
So what's my different road? I am still seeking it but I have pinned down a few things. I believe part of my professional "mission statement" is to ensure kids get the best healthcare and my role in that is modeling it when I can, advocating for them or teaching others. God and I agreed on that after my identity crisis as no longer being a "pediatric nurse." It was very helpful to do that as now I have a lens through which I can look and make clearer decisions about where I invest my time and energy professionally. In this "down time", however, I have also been given the opportunity to see how incredibly valuable my time with my family is. I honestly did not see before how much my kids need me and how much better my home runs when it is my family is my priority. It will need to be a very worthwhile endevour to ask me to give up any piece of that time. I am also working on seeing me how God sees me. I have not accomplished this on my own but with the help of very wise counsel. I know that He loves me just because He made me. Not because of any star or dot someone has put on me. And when I believe Him on that I can rest in that and quit trying so hard to earn his love and favor. Anything I do now is an outpouring of that love and not a way to earn it.
So that's where I am at. At the crossroads, coming full circle with God, looking at the ancient paths, asking Him "Which way now?" I can feel confident and not fearful in those decsions and it that my soul can find rest. Thank you Jesus.
in Christ,
joy
I have been given some opportunities here, professionally. They are quite similar to what I was doing before and I am thankful. I prayed that the gifts, skills and opportunities God gave me before would not be wasted. I was a little (ok alot) fearful as it is in my nature to leap headlong into new challenges and projects. Before I even know what's happened I am over booked, over extended and overstressed while my kids are short on hot meals, attention and time from their mom. I am fearful of making past mistakes. I am also aware that, on my own, I did those things because my worth and identity came from the recognition I got from those endevours.
I landed on a Bible verse one day as I was wrestling this through. The verse was this "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for ancient paths ask where the good way is and walk in it, and there you will find rest for your souls." (Jeremiah 6:16) Smack in the middle of the verse I interjected-"This is troubling because I am at a cross roads. I fear making bad decisions."
The next day I was looking over an old devotional and this quote from Beth Moore jumped out at me "Every believer needs second chances. We know we are coming full circle with God when we stand at a very similar cross roads where we made such a mess of our life before, but this time we take a different road."
This is when I am thankful I journal because it wasn't until I turned back a page that the full message hit me.
When I read that I stand amazed of God's love for me and His desire to reveal Himself to me when I seek Him.
So what's my different road? I am still seeking it but I have pinned down a few things. I believe part of my professional "mission statement" is to ensure kids get the best healthcare and my role in that is modeling it when I can, advocating for them or teaching others. God and I agreed on that after my identity crisis as no longer being a "pediatric nurse." It was very helpful to do that as now I have a lens through which I can look and make clearer decisions about where I invest my time and energy professionally. In this "down time", however, I have also been given the opportunity to see how incredibly valuable my time with my family is. I honestly did not see before how much my kids need me and how much better my home runs when it is my family is my priority. It will need to be a very worthwhile endevour to ask me to give up any piece of that time. I am also working on seeing me how God sees me. I have not accomplished this on my own but with the help of very wise counsel. I know that He loves me just because He made me. Not because of any star or dot someone has put on me. And when I believe Him on that I can rest in that and quit trying so hard to earn his love and favor. Anything I do now is an outpouring of that love and not a way to earn it.
So that's where I am at. At the crossroads, coming full circle with God, looking at the ancient paths, asking Him "Which way now?" I can feel confident and not fearful in those decsions and it that my soul can find rest. Thank you Jesus.
in Christ,
joy
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
A real time journey
(Warning what you are about to read is a real time journey of my heart. It may not make complete sense but it is where Jesus lead my heart.)
I am at a point today where I am wondering how David had the guts to go to God and ask for forgiveness. When he was at his worst he was very bad. An adulterer, a murderer, a liar. What in his heart knew that he could turn to God? How did he so intimately know the concept of grace? The bigger question may be why don't I? Why do I feel like I can fail so greatly that I am not worthy of God's love and grace? That I believe that I am too ashamed to go to Him and ask for forgiveness for the same sins again and again. Why do I believe that it is best to just hide for awhile and maybe He and I can just forget all about it?
I don't want to get into the details that have brought this on, that's not what is important and it's between Jesus and me and the one I need to apologize too.
I have been trying to work my way through a book that should not take me so long to get through but I want to absorb as much as I can. The title is "Hinds Feet in High Places." It's a story about Much Afraid. She is working her way to the High Places on crippled feet and a crooked mouth. The Shepard is leading her and she is accompanied by Sorrow and Suffering. Her enemies are Self Pity, Bitterness, Pride, Resentment and Craven Fear.
I realized the other day that her and my enemies are not often from the outside or external circumstancesas is sometimes seems but from the inside and lies that I tell myself. These are the enemies who with their powerful words cause me to want to hide, to not ask forgiveness, that make me believe I am unforgiveable. They want me to believe that situations are hopeless, that I am unfixable, that if others would do or not do certain things I would be ok. It seems that every negative response or emotion I have stems from those 5 enemies. It would be nice if I could always recognize them and pray about it right away but sometimes it seems I am flung so deep into a pit that it takes me awhile to see it allow myself to be pulled out.
So back to the begining and David. David did try to hide and he tried to cover up what he had done at times. He did have to get to his lowest point and be faced with what he had done and faced the music (2 Samuel 11 and 12). He and God had a dialouge in the throes of all this in Psalm 32. I love how God starts the dialouge.
GOD: Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
DAVID: When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Selah (pause)
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Selah (pause)
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah (pause)
GOD: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
DAVID: Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart.
JOY: Thank you Father. Thank you that you are always there, ready to listen. Ready to forgive. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for the realness of your Word. Thank you that you used real people and their failings and real emotions to show your love and forgiveness. I am believing you and I am asking for your forgiveness, I am trusting your unfailing, unwavering love. Fill me with your Spirit so that I can ask for forgiveness from others and help me to give grace when I need to. Praise you Jesus.
joy
I am at a point today where I am wondering how David had the guts to go to God and ask for forgiveness. When he was at his worst he was very bad. An adulterer, a murderer, a liar. What in his heart knew that he could turn to God? How did he so intimately know the concept of grace? The bigger question may be why don't I? Why do I feel like I can fail so greatly that I am not worthy of God's love and grace? That I believe that I am too ashamed to go to Him and ask for forgiveness for the same sins again and again. Why do I believe that it is best to just hide for awhile and maybe He and I can just forget all about it?
I don't want to get into the details that have brought this on, that's not what is important and it's between Jesus and me and the one I need to apologize too.
I have been trying to work my way through a book that should not take me so long to get through but I want to absorb as much as I can. The title is "Hinds Feet in High Places." It's a story about Much Afraid. She is working her way to the High Places on crippled feet and a crooked mouth. The Shepard is leading her and she is accompanied by Sorrow and Suffering. Her enemies are Self Pity, Bitterness, Pride, Resentment and Craven Fear.
I realized the other day that her and my enemies are not often from the outside or external circumstancesas is sometimes seems but from the inside and lies that I tell myself. These are the enemies who with their powerful words cause me to want to hide, to not ask forgiveness, that make me believe I am unforgiveable. They want me to believe that situations are hopeless, that I am unfixable, that if others would do or not do certain things I would be ok. It seems that every negative response or emotion I have stems from those 5 enemies. It would be nice if I could always recognize them and pray about it right away but sometimes it seems I am flung so deep into a pit that it takes me awhile to see it allow myself to be pulled out.
So back to the begining and David. David did try to hide and he tried to cover up what he had done at times. He did have to get to his lowest point and be faced with what he had done and faced the music (2 Samuel 11 and 12). He and God had a dialouge in the throes of all this in Psalm 32. I love how God starts the dialouge.
GOD: Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
DAVID: When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Selah (pause)
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Selah (pause)
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah (pause)
GOD: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
DAVID: Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart.
JOY: Thank you Father. Thank you that you are always there, ready to listen. Ready to forgive. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for the realness of your Word. Thank you that you used real people and their failings and real emotions to show your love and forgiveness. I am believing you and I am asking for your forgiveness, I am trusting your unfailing, unwavering love. Fill me with your Spirit so that I can ask for forgiveness from others and help me to give grace when I need to. Praise you Jesus.
joy
Thursday, May 27, 2010
"Never stop praying"
Prayer. When God presses something so frequently on my heart and on so many people I know and love in one day I feel I need to pay attention. I feel like many are getting the message I am getting "Cry out, reach out, pray!"
I started to notice it when I received an invitation on Facebook to pray for a little boy who had suffered a traumatic injury. I accepted that request and have kept that boy and his family close in my heart. Because I have a heart for sick and injured children this really broke my heart. A family friend posted updates on FB so people could pray more specifically and his dad journaled his journey on a Caring Bridge website. There were 48,378 people who accepted the call to pray for him and 156,396 visits to his Caring Bridge website.
I was touched and humbled by this family's journey and testimony of faith. I hope that they know or eventually will know that in this many people were shown a loving God who gently cares for His own because of their testimony. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/benjaminricketts/journal
I could type and type about my emotions related to this family, but what is really pressing on my heart is the number of people who came along side them in prayer. And this is the theme I have seen in the past few days. Sometimes we are reluctant to "burden" others with our prayer needs. Why is this? For me, it's pride. I don't really want to share my burdens, because then you would know I struggle. And you probably thought I was superhuman before so I don't want to spoil that for you. :) It doesn't make sense I know and I am have come a long way. But the thinking was definately there. Maybe we don't think we are worth other peoples time. But here's the thing, Jesus is worth it. When anyone prays they are going to the Intercessor. They are able to enter the Holy of Holies and that is not a burden. That is a privilege.
I admit that being far away, I feel helpless alot when I want to be with my extended family and I want to give them a hug or some time or some action and so I feel like "Well at least I can pray." Why is prayer relegated to a "last resort"? It's what I do when I can not physically do something. But that is wrong thinking. The most powerful thing I can do is pray. Prayer moves the hand of God. It shows utter dependence on Him. It acknowledges His control and His power, not mine. It gives Him the glory. I need to be reminded of this more often when I think the best thing I can do for my kids and my husband is to give them my words or actions to "help" them.
Here's something I didn't know. I did a search on BibleGateway to see how many times the word "prayer" was used in the Bible in some form. That's pray, prayer, prayed, praying, etc. I had thought it would be a big number like 1051 or something. But it is 365. My God is not a God of accidents or coincidence. When He says "Never stop praying" (1 Thess 5:17 NLT) He shows us how much He means it.
joy
I started to notice it when I received an invitation on Facebook to pray for a little boy who had suffered a traumatic injury. I accepted that request and have kept that boy and his family close in my heart. Because I have a heart for sick and injured children this really broke my heart. A family friend posted updates on FB so people could pray more specifically and his dad journaled his journey on a Caring Bridge website. There were 48,378 people who accepted the call to pray for him and 156,396 visits to his Caring Bridge website.
I was touched and humbled by this family's journey and testimony of faith. I hope that they know or eventually will know that in this many people were shown a loving God who gently cares for His own because of their testimony. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/benjaminricketts/journal
I could type and type about my emotions related to this family, but what is really pressing on my heart is the number of people who came along side them in prayer. And this is the theme I have seen in the past few days. Sometimes we are reluctant to "burden" others with our prayer needs. Why is this? For me, it's pride. I don't really want to share my burdens, because then you would know I struggle. And you probably thought I was superhuman before so I don't want to spoil that for you. :) It doesn't make sense I know and I am have come a long way. But the thinking was definately there. Maybe we don't think we are worth other peoples time. But here's the thing, Jesus is worth it. When anyone prays they are going to the Intercessor. They are able to enter the Holy of Holies and that is not a burden. That is a privilege.
I admit that being far away, I feel helpless alot when I want to be with my extended family and I want to give them a hug or some time or some action and so I feel like "Well at least I can pray." Why is prayer relegated to a "last resort"? It's what I do when I can not physically do something. But that is wrong thinking. The most powerful thing I can do is pray. Prayer moves the hand of God. It shows utter dependence on Him. It acknowledges His control and His power, not mine. It gives Him the glory. I need to be reminded of this more often when I think the best thing I can do for my kids and my husband is to give them my words or actions to "help" them.
Here's something I didn't know. I did a search on BibleGateway to see how many times the word "prayer" was used in the Bible in some form. That's pray, prayer, prayed, praying, etc. I had thought it would be a big number like 1051 or something. But it is 365. My God is not a God of accidents or coincidence. When He says "Never stop praying" (1 Thess 5:17 NLT) He shows us how much He means it.
joy
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Where have I been?
I doubt there are too many people who follow this blog and have been wondering where I have been. But I don't post for others really. I mean I hope it helps and people can relate but mostly it's my "processing tool." And I, for myself, need to acknowledge, "Where have I been?" When I type, often the Holy Spirit gives me insight, I can not normally attain on my own. When I am not typing the enemy has won a small victory because it means either a) I am too busy or distracted to be listening to what God has to say or b) I am isolating and hiding and can't hear what God has to say. In this case both are true. The busyness of the end of the school year, a trip out of state, and settling into a new job has kept me very distracted. When I am distracted and "doing my own thing" the second thing happens. I am not in the Word, I am not in frequent time with God and I start to unravel. My patience wears thin, my frustration with little things mount, fear creeps in areas that God has already shown me He has in control. And because of all these things I isolate and I believe the lies of self pity, doubt and fear.
I recognized I was at this point most obviously this weekend. The pastor from a church we have been going to invited us over for dinner with his wife and family. I won't go into all the details but will say that they are a couple, who are our age, similar aged kids and similar interest (Beth Moore and golf!). The conversation was great and it was wonderful to hear their story and to share some of ours. But I found moments of when I condemned myself at the end of the night as "sharing too much." I believed the lie that "Well if they are going to reject me it might as well be now." I was told once that when I do that I am like a leper who walks around shouting "Unclean! Go ahead and get close but you can't say you haven't been warned!" I have also been told that usually what I percieve as "sharing too much" and drive people away most people just let it roll off of them and they will like me for me. Sunday morning came around and it looked like we might not make it to church because Steve was getting held up at work. I admit I was ok with that because I could not take the rejection outright. I believed the lie of "Reject them before they reject you!" But Steve hurried home and we made it. Here is where God stepped in and stomped the enemies lies to smithereens. We weren't there 5 minutes and the pastor's wife came up and invited me to dinner tonight with the group of ladies who had just finished a Beth Moore study. If you read this post you know the isolation I have felt. If you know me, you know that God has hand picked the perfect group of women for me to meet with on my first night out on my own here. And I am thankful and overwhelmed by His love and His unique plan.
And by the way, Steve is playing in a golf outing with the pastor and 2 other men at a fund raiser for an organization who connects people who are going through breast cancer. It's called Breast Friends. Again, unique to him as his mom died from breast cancer and she would have LOVED this idea (and the name!).
"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!" (Psalm 139:1-7) Amen
joy
I recognized I was at this point most obviously this weekend. The pastor from a church we have been going to invited us over for dinner with his wife and family. I won't go into all the details but will say that they are a couple, who are our age, similar aged kids and similar interest (Beth Moore and golf!). The conversation was great and it was wonderful to hear their story and to share some of ours. But I found moments of when I condemned myself at the end of the night as "sharing too much." I believed the lie that "Well if they are going to reject me it might as well be now." I was told once that when I do that I am like a leper who walks around shouting "Unclean! Go ahead and get close but you can't say you haven't been warned!" I have also been told that usually what I percieve as "sharing too much" and drive people away most people just let it roll off of them and they will like me for me. Sunday morning came around and it looked like we might not make it to church because Steve was getting held up at work. I admit I was ok with that because I could not take the rejection outright. I believed the lie of "Reject them before they reject you!" But Steve hurried home and we made it. Here is where God stepped in and stomped the enemies lies to smithereens. We weren't there 5 minutes and the pastor's wife came up and invited me to dinner tonight with the group of ladies who had just finished a Beth Moore study. If you read this post you know the isolation I have felt. If you know me, you know that God has hand picked the perfect group of women for me to meet with on my first night out on my own here. And I am thankful and overwhelmed by His love and His unique plan.
And by the way, Steve is playing in a golf outing with the pastor and 2 other men at a fund raiser for an organization who connects people who are going through breast cancer. It's called Breast Friends. Again, unique to him as his mom died from breast cancer and she would have LOVED this idea (and the name!).
"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!" (Psalm 139:1-7) Amen
joy
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The Threshing Floor-part 2
It was not my plan to expand on this but it's been put on my heart that this might be important to some who are very important to me. And I assume God showed me this and placed it on my heart for a reason.
I don't know alot about Bible study but I know that the principle of the "first mention" is pretty important. It means if you are studying a certain word, topic, name of God, whatever, look first to see the context of the first mention in the Bible. I think the first mention of the threshing floor is significant.
"When they reached the threshing floor of Atad, near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father." Genesis 50:9
Here is the context-Joseph was the youngest of Jacob. His brothers hated him, sold him into slavery, and told Jacob he was dead. Joseph ultimately prospered and became a major figure in Egypt, his brothers and father came to him during a famine in Canaan (they didn't know it was him), fulfilling a dream Joseph had before. Joseph welcomed them, forgave them and set them up in Egypt. Then Jacob, aka Israel dies. This is where we land. After Jacob dies, it takes 40 days to embalm and then 70 days for the Egyptians to mourn. After all that Joseph goes to the Pharaoh and say's "My father wanted be buried in Cananan. Can I have your permission to bring him there?" (that's my paraphrasing) The Pharaoh says yes and so a large group sets out for Canaan.
And here is where we land on verse 9 "When they reached the threshing floor of Atad, near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father."
Have you ever felt the need for a good cry but said "I will do that later. This is not the appropriate place to lose it." I have. In my heart I see Joseph, feet heavy, heart heavier, the knowledge of the loss of his father becoming more real the closer he gets to his homeland. Then he gets home to his "safe place" and he lays down and loses it. Without apology, he allows himself time to finally mourn this loss. To grieve. To lay it all out. To stop denying that it's ok and he'd be all right.
When we have a loss, God knows it hurts. He didn't build us to blindly say "It's God's will and I am ok with that." He built us with dreams, hopes, desires and emotions.
But I know that because Joseph wept on that threshing floor, it means that God had a purpose for his grief, his hurt, his mourning. I wonder if in that time he didn't just mourn his father's death but also the time he lost from him when he was in Egypt, the betrayal of his brothers, the life in Canaan he lost. Maybe in that time Joseph drew closer to God, felt his love and tenderness. Maybe in that time he learned the grace of God and he learned forgiveness.
I know that later on in the chapter Joseph's brothers look at each other and say "Great, our father is dead. What's going to keep him from killing us now?" (again I paraphrase) So they go before Joseph with a prepared speech and Joseph responds with an often quoted verse "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. (Genesis 50:19) I wonder if Joseph's heart was prepared for that on the threshing floor.
A time of mourning is the first mention of the threshing floor. Accept it, receive what God wants you to learn about him and yourself in that time. Don't rush through it. Remember, "it doesn't go on forever."
I don't know alot about Bible study but I know that the principle of the "first mention" is pretty important. It means if you are studying a certain word, topic, name of God, whatever, look first to see the context of the first mention in the Bible. I think the first mention of the threshing floor is significant.
"When they reached the threshing floor of Atad, near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father." Genesis 50:9
Here is the context-Joseph was the youngest of Jacob. His brothers hated him, sold him into slavery, and told Jacob he was dead. Joseph ultimately prospered and became a major figure in Egypt, his brothers and father came to him during a famine in Canaan (they didn't know it was him), fulfilling a dream Joseph had before. Joseph welcomed them, forgave them and set them up in Egypt. Then Jacob, aka Israel dies. This is where we land. After Jacob dies, it takes 40 days to embalm and then 70 days for the Egyptians to mourn. After all that Joseph goes to the Pharaoh and say's "My father wanted be buried in Cananan. Can I have your permission to bring him there?" (that's my paraphrasing) The Pharaoh says yes and so a large group sets out for Canaan.
And here is where we land on verse 9 "When they reached the threshing floor of Atad, near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father."
Have you ever felt the need for a good cry but said "I will do that later. This is not the appropriate place to lose it." I have. In my heart I see Joseph, feet heavy, heart heavier, the knowledge of the loss of his father becoming more real the closer he gets to his homeland. Then he gets home to his "safe place" and he lays down and loses it. Without apology, he allows himself time to finally mourn this loss. To grieve. To lay it all out. To stop denying that it's ok and he'd be all right.
When we have a loss, God knows it hurts. He didn't build us to blindly say "It's God's will and I am ok with that." He built us with dreams, hopes, desires and emotions.
But I know that because Joseph wept on that threshing floor, it means that God had a purpose for his grief, his hurt, his mourning. I wonder if in that time he didn't just mourn his father's death but also the time he lost from him when he was in Egypt, the betrayal of his brothers, the life in Canaan he lost. Maybe in that time Joseph drew closer to God, felt his love and tenderness. Maybe in that time he learned the grace of God and he learned forgiveness.
I know that later on in the chapter Joseph's brothers look at each other and say "Great, our father is dead. What's going to keep him from killing us now?" (again I paraphrase) So they go before Joseph with a prepared speech and Joseph responds with an often quoted verse "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. (Genesis 50:19) I wonder if Joseph's heart was prepared for that on the threshing floor.
A time of mourning is the first mention of the threshing floor. Accept it, receive what God wants you to learn about him and yourself in that time. Don't rush through it. Remember, "it doesn't go on forever."
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Threshed
Spent sometime looking up at how it God used it in the Old Testament. There are many references and I would love to talk about all of them but that's not what I have been thinking about.
I read a verse in Isaiah that was new to me this week and has given me comfort-"Caraway is not threshed with a sledge, nor is a cartwheel rolled over cummin; caraway is beaten out with a rod, and cummin with a stick. Grain must be ground to make bread; so one does not go on threshing it forever. Though he drives the wheels of his threshing cart over it, his horses do not grind it." (Isaiah 28:27-28) What that means is that first of all we are not all threshed the same way. Hallelujah! It means that God knows we are individuals and he doesn't just thresh and press us just for the sake of doing it. It means He has a unique and special plan for us. It has an ultimate purpose and "it doesn't go on forever." It is not a beating or a discipline. It is God's way of getting rid of the bad and bringing out the best in us.
What I always remember about the threshing floor itself occurs in 2 Samuel 24:18-25. David needs to build an altar to stop a plague that is killing his people. The worst of it is that the people were stricken because of something David had done. Not them. So God told him were to go, what to buy and to build an altar. So he bought a threshing floor and there he built an altar. And he made the sacrifices and the plague stopped. That's the short version. I wonder at the time if David wondered "Why a threshing floor?" But God is cool like that because in that spot is where God told David's son Solomon to build His temple.
I love the connection. From that painful place, He is building a beautiful dwelling place for Himself in me too. My task is to to keep making those sacrifices to Him, to keep giving Him praise. To offer back to Him what He has done in me.
This has given me hope and I am able to more joyfully accept the place where I am.
in Christ,
joy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)