I had the honor and privilege to sit with a group of like minded nurses this week as I interviewed for a job at a wonderful children's hospital in Orlando. I have been feeling the itch to get back to a pediatric ER for a little while. I love where I am right now. I have no desire to leave. I just want to supplement what I am doing so I can bring back to my full time job more knowledge, more best practice and more ideas to better take care of kids in our area.
The beauty in nursing as a profession you are only limited by your imagination. There are jobs available if you are willing to get out of your comfort zone, look a little bit and put your self out there. I have been very blessed in this career.
How did my interview go? They offered me a full time position. As stated above, that is not what I am looking for. Also this hospital is 75 miles away. At this point in my life it would be like trying to fit the round peg of my family into the square peg "my career." If I have learned anything in the past year or so, it's I am not defined by my career. My value and worth are not directly tied to what I do to earn money. I can make an impact in my workplace. I pray that's what God is using me for. But my family is what's going to go on long after I am gone from this planet. It's my family that's going to be the testimony of the kind of person I was.
So back to where I started, the awesome pediatric nurses. As I left them, I got to thinking about what a unique breed of nurses we are. So I woke up this morning and I little list popped in my head. I just what to share it with you. It's original, well thought out title is...
"You know you are a Pediatric Nurse when...."
1) Children don't scare you. Parents do.
2) You know all the words to the Barney song, Sponge Bob Squarepants, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and are unashamed to sing badly to calm and distract an anxious child.
3) You pay attention to the words you use and tell every child there are no cats in the CAT scan because one time you didn't and had a very sad, confused patient.
4) You use words like blue lines (veins), straws (IV catheter), soap (antiseptic), bee sting, pinch, poke to explain and IV start or blood draw to a child.
5) You know bubbles and stickers are an essential part of nursing care. It is a cardinal sin to not give out stickers to every child.
6) You could be a side show act at a carnival because you can state a babies age to the month just by looking at them and know a child's weight within 3-5 pounds just by knowing their age (after you convert it from kilograms).
7) You have called the cops after seeing unrestrained children jumping around in the back of a moving car.
8) Friends, relatives, neighbors call upon you to examine lacerations, extremity injury, rashes, fever "just to see what you think."
9) You have heard "You work with kids? It must be so sad." more times than you can count.
10) You know you work with kids because you are just caring for a patient. You are caring for a future Albert Einstein, Michael Jordan, Taylor Swift, or Hilary Clinton. You know a child has all that potential in them and you have seen and know what amazing odds they can overcome. And when the outcome is not good, its a mixture of sadness and privilege to have been "chosen" to cross the families world at this time.
So to all my pediatric nurse friends, you have crossed my mind over and over as I type this list. I thank God that you were given this passion, this calling. I pray that you will remember, even on the bad days, what an honor it is to care for these little souls. You are following after the One who loves these children most of all.
"But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Luke 18:16God bless,
joy
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
A Mom's Prayer on the First Day of School
Good morning Jesus. It's quiet isn't it? Is this what silence is? It's nice to spend some of the quiet with you.
How did I get to this point of being a mom to an 8th, 7th, 3rd and 1st grader? Where has the time gone? Am I really that old? How can a 25 year old have an 8th grader? I'm not 25? Last time I checked, I had 1 little baby and now poof, there's 4! And they are all in school!! Did I blink?
Thanks for the summer. We had such fun together. Sure we had our moments. But I have been very blessed by the bonds our family has formed. The kids all hugged each other before the 2 littlest headed out the door. So sweet, so precious.
Thank you for the morning. The first day is so great when they are excited for the "new." So excited for new clothes, new teacher, new friends. Bind that feeling to our hearts. Give them that excitement for everyday. Show them that every day brings new possibilities, new potential.
I'm a mom and I worry. I know the best way to handle those worries is give them to You. I am wrapping my kids up as the gifts they are and giving them to you (again!). I know you love them even more than I do and your love is perfect. I know you are with them right now, what ever they are doing so I don't need to fuss.
Father I pray they make good choices this year. I pray they make the right choice on their tests, with the friends they choose and even what they eat for lunch. Show them the right way. Make it plain to them. Help them to shine brightly where ever they are.
About those friends, the boys asked me about that this morning. "Should I only have Christian friends?" I told them "No." I explained Christian friends are important because they encourage you and give you accountability but they should also have non Christian friends. I told them they could be a light and encouragement for those kids too. I asked them to not judge people by their clothes or the color of their skin or by what they have or don't have. Then You to drive it home You showed me that lady on the side of the road. The one I am quick to judge when I care for her at the hospital. I hear You. I see. Thanks for the timely reminder Jesus. I'm still learning too.
Father, I pray for those teachers. Give them wisdom, energy, and patience to make it through each day. Help them to see the precious lives they are hlelping to mold and shape. Give them discernment to see the ones who need an extra touch, kind word or extra help with their class work.
They will be coming home soon. Too soon for me to get done the long list of things I had planned to do for "as soon as the kids are in school." Make the tranisition smooth. Help all their kids on the bus be sweet and not foul mouthed spitters. And when they blow through the door, help me to give them the love and attention they need. Help me to make sure they feel heard and loved. Help me to give them balance between home work, after school activities and play time.
Thank you Father. Thank you for letting me be the mom to these kids. For some reason, You decided I was qualified to be the mom to this unique bunch of kids. It's my greatest joy but it's what humbles me every day. I know I fall short every day but I also know You have them securely in Your hand and they are going to be all right.
In your powerful Name,
joy
How did I get to this point of being a mom to an 8th, 7th, 3rd and 1st grader? Where has the time gone? Am I really that old? How can a 25 year old have an 8th grader? I'm not 25? Last time I checked, I had 1 little baby and now poof, there's 4! And they are all in school!! Did I blink?
Thanks for the summer. We had such fun together. Sure we had our moments. But I have been very blessed by the bonds our family has formed. The kids all hugged each other before the 2 littlest headed out the door. So sweet, so precious.
Thank you for the morning. The first day is so great when they are excited for the "new." So excited for new clothes, new teacher, new friends. Bind that feeling to our hearts. Give them that excitement for everyday. Show them that every day brings new possibilities, new potential.
I'm a mom and I worry. I know the best way to handle those worries is give them to You. I am wrapping my kids up as the gifts they are and giving them to you (again!). I know you love them even more than I do and your love is perfect. I know you are with them right now, what ever they are doing so I don't need to fuss.
Father I pray they make good choices this year. I pray they make the right choice on their tests, with the friends they choose and even what they eat for lunch. Show them the right way. Make it plain to them. Help them to shine brightly where ever they are.
About those friends, the boys asked me about that this morning. "Should I only have Christian friends?" I told them "No." I explained Christian friends are important because they encourage you and give you accountability but they should also have non Christian friends. I told them they could be a light and encouragement for those kids too. I asked them to not judge people by their clothes or the color of their skin or by what they have or don't have. Then You to drive it home You showed me that lady on the side of the road. The one I am quick to judge when I care for her at the hospital. I hear You. I see. Thanks for the timely reminder Jesus. I'm still learning too.
Father, I pray for those teachers. Give them wisdom, energy, and patience to make it through each day. Help them to see the precious lives they are hlelping to mold and shape. Give them discernment to see the ones who need an extra touch, kind word or extra help with their class work.
They will be coming home soon. Too soon for me to get done the long list of things I had planned to do for "as soon as the kids are in school." Make the tranisition smooth. Help all their kids on the bus be sweet and not foul mouthed spitters. And when they blow through the door, help me to give them the love and attention they need. Help me to make sure they feel heard and loved. Help me to give them balance between home work, after school activities and play time.
Thank you Father. Thank you for letting me be the mom to these kids. For some reason, You decided I was qualified to be the mom to this unique bunch of kids. It's my greatest joy but it's what humbles me every day. I know I fall short every day but I also know You have them securely in Your hand and they are going to be all right.
In your powerful Name,
joy
Saturday, July 23, 2011
On my First Annual 39th Birthday
Ok so it's been 2 MONTHS since I have been on this blog. I was a little concerned blogger had shut me down for unuse or I would have forgotten my password. Then my friend Trish got to posting this week (you can find her blog here) and I felt inspired again.
Writing on this blog is sometimes a challenge because I know how much of myself I am putting out there. And at this point in my life, I am meeting and trying to grow friendships. There is that voice that says "Don't write that, you'll look stupid." or something equally condemning or isolating. Then Miss Trish also posted a quote that is going to go permantently on my blog "“First, I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that is already clear in my mind. If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive or need to write about it.We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand.”~C.S. Lewis
And I got stuff I need to understand. :) But that's for future, more soon to be published blogs. Today is my birthday and it's a day that I am just going to put out there, Who is Joy? What do I want people to know about me?
Let's see. Jesus is my friend. That's first and that's true. Without Him in my life I would be even nuttier than I already seem to be.
I have been married to 1 man for 16 years and I can look you straight in the face and say it gets better and better. Ladies I'd like to be able to give you a tip for how to mold your man into what you are wanting. But the change came in me and accepting him and loving him the way God made him to be. That is all.
I have 4, yes 4, kids. And it seems like that is the Waltons of the new millenia. I get lots of shocked looks when I tell people that and a sense that no one gave me the population control memo. But they are all great. They are old enough now to know that the way to soften me up is to make me laugh. (I love to laugh!) My 2nd son does this Napoleon Dynamite imitation that makes me giggle every time. I can't stop myself.
I am highly distractable and sort of hyperactive. It is painful for me to get a hair cut because of the time I have to spend sitting. And I can't fidget and I can't sit on my leg or cross my legs. My 2 favorite ways to sit.
I have always loved water and sun. That is not new since moving to the Sunshine State. The summers of my youth were spent at the public pool nearly every day from open to close.
I love to read and I love my little Nook. I am a book collector of sorts. I don't collect for value. I collect them for the comfort of knowing I can read them as soon as I am ready. I need to relinquish my library card. I am horrible about returning books. I am not sure I have ever gotten books back on time.
I start and sustain each day with a steady stream of Mt Dew. I know it's not good for me and I am trying to drink more water. But this has been my reality for 20 + years. I am not going to change it.
Which probably leads to and contributes to the fact that I am a night owl. The Real Housewives of New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Miami, and Orange County (oh yeah, I named them all) do contribute to my late nights. Those women are like a bad car wreck. You know you should look away but you can't. Sigh....
My name is Joy and I am a blackberry addict. No I don't have an I Phone. It is likely divine intervention that I don't. My children and husband could very well starve or live in dirty clothes or filth if I did. What do I do with it? I follow facebook and twitter. I follow links to different pages that people post. I love that it's like a treasure hunt. It's like in your Bible, when it references different verses at the bottom, I love to follow those around too. I love information. I google every thing. I follow the blogs of Ann Voskamp, Jon Acuff, Chris Sprad, and Angie Smith.
A former boss once told me about a job of "Thought Leader" (I don't think that it exists any longer in today's economy.) but I love the idea and know that I am one. I am an idea person. Execution, kind of suck at it. I am painful for the Type A's to watch because I procrastinate. I try to tell people, give me deadlines or trust me that I will get it done. I don't like watching their eye lids twitch but it's just the way I am.
Everyone has a love language and mine is time. If you love me and want me to know it take some time with me. It's interesting because time is my most valuable asset. It doesn't bother me if something turns out to be a "waste of money" but if you waste my time. Watch out. That is a pet peeve.
Oh pet peeves, I have a few of those. Mouth noises. HATE that. Meetings that waste time by never having any new content. People who talk loudly on their cell phones to the exclusion of every one around them. Dirty socks on the floor.
My passions? My family. My faith. A desire for people to know they are loved, first by a heavenly Father, then by me. Kids. My kids, your kids, all kids. I have a passion, as a nurse, to help others take great care of children. Writing. It feels good to be sitting at this computer and putting some words out there. I love words. I love stringing them together and praying that it may benefit some one, some time.
Ok so that 's me. That's where I have landed in 39 years. I wish it was more "wise." But I am still learning and trying to understand too. And that's what will bring me back here again.
much love,
joy
Writing on this blog is sometimes a challenge because I know how much of myself I am putting out there. And at this point in my life, I am meeting and trying to grow friendships. There is that voice that says "Don't write that, you'll look stupid." or something equally condemning or isolating. Then Miss Trish also posted a quote that is going to go permantently on my blog "“First, I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that is already clear in my mind. If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive or need to write about it.We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand.”~C.S. Lewis
And I got stuff I need to understand. :) But that's for future, more soon to be published blogs. Today is my birthday and it's a day that I am just going to put out there, Who is Joy? What do I want people to know about me?
Let's see. Jesus is my friend. That's first and that's true. Without Him in my life I would be even nuttier than I already seem to be.
I have been married to 1 man for 16 years and I can look you straight in the face and say it gets better and better. Ladies I'd like to be able to give you a tip for how to mold your man into what you are wanting. But the change came in me and accepting him and loving him the way God made him to be. That is all.
I have 4, yes 4, kids. And it seems like that is the Waltons of the new millenia. I get lots of shocked looks when I tell people that and a sense that no one gave me the population control memo. But they are all great. They are old enough now to know that the way to soften me up is to make me laugh. (I love to laugh!) My 2nd son does this Napoleon Dynamite imitation that makes me giggle every time. I can't stop myself.
I am highly distractable and sort of hyperactive. It is painful for me to get a hair cut because of the time I have to spend sitting. And I can't fidget and I can't sit on my leg or cross my legs. My 2 favorite ways to sit.
I have always loved water and sun. That is not new since moving to the Sunshine State. The summers of my youth were spent at the public pool nearly every day from open to close.
I love to read and I love my little Nook. I am a book collector of sorts. I don't collect for value. I collect them for the comfort of knowing I can read them as soon as I am ready. I need to relinquish my library card. I am horrible about returning books. I am not sure I have ever gotten books back on time.
I start and sustain each day with a steady stream of Mt Dew. I know it's not good for me and I am trying to drink more water. But this has been my reality for 20 + years. I am not going to change it.
Which probably leads to and contributes to the fact that I am a night owl. The Real Housewives of New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Miami, and Orange County (oh yeah, I named them all) do contribute to my late nights. Those women are like a bad car wreck. You know you should look away but you can't. Sigh....
My name is Joy and I am a blackberry addict. No I don't have an I Phone. It is likely divine intervention that I don't. My children and husband could very well starve or live in dirty clothes or filth if I did. What do I do with it? I follow facebook and twitter. I follow links to different pages that people post. I love that it's like a treasure hunt. It's like in your Bible, when it references different verses at the bottom, I love to follow those around too. I love information. I google every thing. I follow the blogs of Ann Voskamp, Jon Acuff, Chris Sprad, and Angie Smith.
A former boss once told me about a job of "Thought Leader" (I don't think that it exists any longer in today's economy.) but I love the idea and know that I am one. I am an idea person. Execution, kind of suck at it. I am painful for the Type A's to watch because I procrastinate. I try to tell people, give me deadlines or trust me that I will get it done. I don't like watching their eye lids twitch but it's just the way I am.
Everyone has a love language and mine is time. If you love me and want me to know it take some time with me. It's interesting because time is my most valuable asset. It doesn't bother me if something turns out to be a "waste of money" but if you waste my time. Watch out. That is a pet peeve.
Oh pet peeves, I have a few of those. Mouth noises. HATE that. Meetings that waste time by never having any new content. People who talk loudly on their cell phones to the exclusion of every one around them. Dirty socks on the floor.
My passions? My family. My faith. A desire for people to know they are loved, first by a heavenly Father, then by me. Kids. My kids, your kids, all kids. I have a passion, as a nurse, to help others take great care of children. Writing. It feels good to be sitting at this computer and putting some words out there. I love words. I love stringing them together and praying that it may benefit some one, some time.
Ok so that 's me. That's where I have landed in 39 years. I wish it was more "wise." But I am still learning and trying to understand too. And that's what will bring me back here again.
much love,
joy
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I've just got to say something
I had not really heard much talk about the end of the world, aka the Rapture, until this week. I guess I don't have any billboards here letting me know. I don't get too involved in all that because 1-In Matthew 24, Jesus clearly states that no one but the Father knows the day or the hour and 2-I am secure in my salvation.
So it's not the prediction that bothers me, it is the response I have been seeing to it. This post if for those of you who are not in the number 2 category.
How does one receive salvation? I say receive because you can't "get" it. It's a gift from God. It is a gift of forgiveness for EVERY sin you have committed. It is a gift of grace, undeserved favor, because we will never get it exactly right. Salvation is not a list of "don'ts" and "dos." The choices we make will be from an outpouring of love for Him after we spend time with Jesus in his Word and with other believers.
What starts as a decision culminates into a love relationship, that like any relationship takes time to develop. It takes time to fully embrace Jesus' love for us. It takes time fully give that back to him. It is a lifelong process. It is a lifetime of victories and shortcomings. No one is perfect, not one. That's why the Bible says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."-Romans 8:1.
But since God didn't make us robots, he gave us free will, he wants us to choose Him. How do you do that? So it's not hard. Jesus doesn't ask from us more than we can give. It's as simple as confessing "Jesus I am a sinner. I have screwed up in so many ways." repenting "I am sorry. I want a new thing in my life. " and believing "I believe that you are the only one who can save me. Thank you that you loved me so much you died for me." And that's it. I am sure you will have more to say once you realize you are talking to the Living God. But that's all. Just confess, repent, and ask, then know that He has heard you and you are saved.
Sometimes we get caught in a lie of "Well you did that once but you screwed up so much it doesn't count." or "Did you really mean it when you prayed that in a "weak" moment?" My answer is yes. In Ephesians 1 it says we are SEALED in our salvation. It means we can't lose it. It can't be taken away from us. So if you have been saved but you are living a life with shame. You can go back to the Father. He knows your name. He remembers you and He loves you. Like the father in the story of the prodigal son He's running toward you right now if you would just look up. Confess it, ask for forgiveness and know that the slate is wiped clean. Receive His love and grace.
I am not going to say anymore because I don't want to overwhelm. If you have questions, I would be happy to try and answer them or I may forward them on to a more knowledgeable source. Email me at joyf72@gmail.com
Take care and have a blessed, secure day.
joy
So it's not the prediction that bothers me, it is the response I have been seeing to it. This post if for those of you who are not in the number 2 category.
How does one receive salvation? I say receive because you can't "get" it. It's a gift from God. It is a gift of forgiveness for EVERY sin you have committed. It is a gift of grace, undeserved favor, because we will never get it exactly right. Salvation is not a list of "don'ts" and "dos." The choices we make will be from an outpouring of love for Him after we spend time with Jesus in his Word and with other believers.
What starts as a decision culminates into a love relationship, that like any relationship takes time to develop. It takes time to fully embrace Jesus' love for us. It takes time fully give that back to him. It is a lifelong process. It is a lifetime of victories and shortcomings. No one is perfect, not one. That's why the Bible says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."-Romans 8:1.
But since God didn't make us robots, he gave us free will, he wants us to choose Him. How do you do that? So it's not hard. Jesus doesn't ask from us more than we can give. It's as simple as confessing "Jesus I am a sinner. I have screwed up in so many ways." repenting "I am sorry. I want a new thing in my life. " and believing "I believe that you are the only one who can save me. Thank you that you loved me so much you died for me." And that's it. I am sure you will have more to say once you realize you are talking to the Living God. But that's all. Just confess, repent, and ask, then know that He has heard you and you are saved.
Sometimes we get caught in a lie of "Well you did that once but you screwed up so much it doesn't count." or "Did you really mean it when you prayed that in a "weak" moment?" My answer is yes. In Ephesians 1 it says we are SEALED in our salvation. It means we can't lose it. It can't be taken away from us. So if you have been saved but you are living a life with shame. You can go back to the Father. He knows your name. He remembers you and He loves you. Like the father in the story of the prodigal son He's running toward you right now if you would just look up. Confess it, ask for forgiveness and know that the slate is wiped clean. Receive His love and grace.
I am not going to say anymore because I don't want to overwhelm. If you have questions, I would be happy to try and answer them or I may forward them on to a more knowledgeable source. Email me at joyf72@gmail.com
Take care and have a blessed, secure day.
joy
Monday, May 9, 2011
Expectations can kill relationships
I read recently a simple phrase that turned me on my ear and it rings frequently in my head these days-"Expectations can kill relationships." I don't know how this hits you but it hits me square. Let me give you a few examples of where I've seen this happen.
A special birthday or holiday comes and everyone wants that day to be special for that person. So every one bends over backwards to make that happen. All of a sudden in the throws of it human flaws get thrown in and the perfection ends. And it all goes down the tubes . Right? We expect a perfect day and throw in imperfect people. It doesn't work.
Another example, a big day going to a theme park, say Disney World, everyone is excited to go. However its chaos getting out the door. Everyone is a little tired because no one goes to bed on time. Parents expect the children to be grateful for this trip and to show their gratitude be sprouting angel wings and halos. Children expect the siblings around them to be quiet, not touch them, not breathe too loud. The children expect the car ride to be shorter. Now that's a powder keg on wheels. Things can start to fall apart within 5 minutes of being in the car.
A trip is planned. Friends and family gather. Each and everyone comes with a different expectation. Some want to relax. Some want to spend time catching up and making memories. Some want to see the sites. Some just want everything to be perfect with blue skies and sunshine because how often to we get to really take a break from life? But then we throw life in there. It rains. And we stress, and we hurt and we don't know why. It's because our expectations haven't been met.
A spouse who doesn't meet our every need without our asking. Doesn't read our minds. Doesn't think of things the way we do. Messes up in little and big ways. Some people are so upset that their expectations haven't been met, they walk away from all of it thinking that another human will do a better job. They won't.
No other human can meet all of our needs. We put on our spouse to meet the needs that only God can fill. Our security comes from Him. Our joy comes from Him. Our identity is in Him. Our peace is in Him.
The only way we can deal with other people not meeting our expectations is first to recognize that this is what you are doing. Ask yourself "Am I asking too much of this flawed human?" "Have I clearly stated what I need or am I just assuming they know?" Second, remember grace. God gives us new mercies every morning. He loves us in our highest highs and our lowest lows. He knows the deepest parts of our hearts. If the Creator of the Universe cared enough to sacrifice His own Son for all my screw ups, who am I to withhold forgiveness? Who am I to deny grace? Who am I to demand my every need, want, desire, and expectation is met? Pitiful. That's what I am.
Jesus, I am humbled as I type and as I realize all the ways my expectations have hurt relationships with family and friends. I am thankful that you are Jehovah Rapha-the God who heals. Bind the wounds, Jesus. You heal our broken hearts and bind our wounds. (Psalm 147:3). Thank you for giving me to eyes to see this now give me what I need to give grace, love, and patience as I go forward. Pour it into me Father. Fill me up. Place a hedge of protection around all of those praying this with me. Give us a the sword of your Word for when the enemy tries to attack. I pray this all in your mighty and powerful Name.
Never give up,
joy
A special birthday or holiday comes and everyone wants that day to be special for that person. So every one bends over backwards to make that happen. All of a sudden in the throws of it human flaws get thrown in and the perfection ends. And it all goes down the tubes . Right? We expect a perfect day and throw in imperfect people. It doesn't work.
Another example, a big day going to a theme park, say Disney World, everyone is excited to go. However its chaos getting out the door. Everyone is a little tired because no one goes to bed on time. Parents expect the children to be grateful for this trip and to show their gratitude be sprouting angel wings and halos. Children expect the siblings around them to be quiet, not touch them, not breathe too loud. The children expect the car ride to be shorter. Now that's a powder keg on wheels. Things can start to fall apart within 5 minutes of being in the car.
A trip is planned. Friends and family gather. Each and everyone comes with a different expectation. Some want to relax. Some want to spend time catching up and making memories. Some want to see the sites. Some just want everything to be perfect with blue skies and sunshine because how often to we get to really take a break from life? But then we throw life in there. It rains. And we stress, and we hurt and we don't know why. It's because our expectations haven't been met.
A spouse who doesn't meet our every need without our asking. Doesn't read our minds. Doesn't think of things the way we do. Messes up in little and big ways. Some people are so upset that their expectations haven't been met, they walk away from all of it thinking that another human will do a better job. They won't.
No other human can meet all of our needs. We put on our spouse to meet the needs that only God can fill. Our security comes from Him. Our joy comes from Him. Our identity is in Him. Our peace is in Him.
The only way we can deal with other people not meeting our expectations is first to recognize that this is what you are doing. Ask yourself "Am I asking too much of this flawed human?" "Have I clearly stated what I need or am I just assuming they know?" Second, remember grace. God gives us new mercies every morning. He loves us in our highest highs and our lowest lows. He knows the deepest parts of our hearts. If the Creator of the Universe cared enough to sacrifice His own Son for all my screw ups, who am I to withhold forgiveness? Who am I to deny grace? Who am I to demand my every need, want, desire, and expectation is met? Pitiful. That's what I am.
Jesus, I am humbled as I type and as I realize all the ways my expectations have hurt relationships with family and friends. I am thankful that you are Jehovah Rapha-the God who heals. Bind the wounds, Jesus. You heal our broken hearts and bind our wounds. (Psalm 147:3). Thank you for giving me to eyes to see this now give me what I need to give grace, love, and patience as I go forward. Pour it into me Father. Fill me up. Place a hedge of protection around all of those praying this with me. Give us a the sword of your Word for when the enemy tries to attack. I pray this all in your mighty and powerful Name.
Never give up,
joy
Friday, April 15, 2011
He turned my mourning into worship
It's that day again. It has come around every year since 2002 and every year I say "Has it really been that long?" It's the day my dad died and with him my chance for more memories with him died, the man who knew me the longest and loved me uncondtionally died, the opportunity to hear the words "I'm so proud of you" in the misty eyed, choked up way only he could say died, and my anchor was gone. And while I still mourn my loss from his death I have also gained blessings.
I have wanted to share something about me for a long time and how it related to my dad's death but I never know how to share it well as it seems sort of weird. But since this is my blog and my voice and it relates to his death and today is THE day I will go forward.
It has to do with worship, how it changed and how the death of my earthly father brought me closer to my heavenly Father. Here's the story.
We (my sisters and my mom and I) had the opportunity to talk with my dad several times before he died about what he wanted for mom, how he wanted to be remembered, what to do with his stuff, etc. But it was the night we talked about heaven that I will never, ever forget. I believe it was a Divine gift because it has brought so much healing.
We were all sitting around about a week and a half before he died. My dad was very clear mentally and was sitting in his chair and we were listening to the "Southern Gospel Hour" on the radio on that Sunday evening. The hospice nurse had given us some questions and so I asked him if we could talk about them. He agreed and so we started. We got to the question of "What do you think heaven will be like?" and we all happily imagined streets of gold, reunions, big feasts, big huge wood working shops (he loved wood working) and my dad sat quietly and listened to us then he said "I really don't know about all that. I can't even imagine. I will just worship Christ." And there was silence. I reflect and see what a holy moment it was.
My dad was never demonstrative in his worship but in our tradition we went to church twice on Sundays. My mom worked every other weekend and after my sisters were all married and gone it was just Dad and I going to church in the morning and sharing the Psalter Hymnal. I loved to hear his voice when he sang his favorites "I will sing of My Redeemer," "What a Day that will be" "Great is thy Faithfulness". His voice would crack with emotions at times. He didn't sing loud or really well but he sang and that was his praise.
Anyway, fast forward to a few months after he died. I was driving around rural Iowa and flipping through the channels and I landed on a lady on a Christian radio station and she was talking about Revelations 4 which gives a picture of what heaven looks like. In verse 4 it refers to the 24 elders but what those 24 elders represent are believers who are REDEEMED and are wearing gold crowns of victory. And she said "If someone you love, who was saved, has died this is what the are doing. They are worshiping!" And I said to the radio "Yes they are." And I could not wait to get home to tell my husband because his mom had died 1 month before my dad. Here was HOPE and here was PROOF and I knew what they were doing at that moment! I didn't "lose" my dad, I knew where he was. In fact in Revelations 4:8 it says "Day and night they never stop saying: “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’who was, and is, and is to come."
So to my point. Up to that point in my life I was pretty uncomfortable with raising my hands in worship. But the Spirit had been tugging on me and moving my heart in worship. Sometimes the "tears of praise" would leak out and I knew that the Holy Spirit was moving. But after that realization of what my dad was doing I remember being in church and the song "Revelation Song" starting to play. And in my heart the chains of grief were loosened and the chains were really loosened around my hands because they went up, a little at first then a little more and a lot more. And I KNEW that my dad was doing the exact same thing at the moment and that was a blessing.
I don't think of my dad every time I raise hands in my worship. I think of my Heavenly Father. But when we sing "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD God Almighty who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings" I smile and the tears pour because I am right beside him again and we are worshiping Christ, together.
The Lord is my strength and my song;
he has given me victory.
This is my God, and I will praise him—
my father’s God, and I will exalt him! (Exodus 15:2)
thanks for listening,
joy
I have wanted to share something about me for a long time and how it related to my dad's death but I never know how to share it well as it seems sort of weird. But since this is my blog and my voice and it relates to his death and today is THE day I will go forward.
It has to do with worship, how it changed and how the death of my earthly father brought me closer to my heavenly Father. Here's the story.
We (my sisters and my mom and I) had the opportunity to talk with my dad several times before he died about what he wanted for mom, how he wanted to be remembered, what to do with his stuff, etc. But it was the night we talked about heaven that I will never, ever forget. I believe it was a Divine gift because it has brought so much healing.
We were all sitting around about a week and a half before he died. My dad was very clear mentally and was sitting in his chair and we were listening to the "Southern Gospel Hour" on the radio on that Sunday evening. The hospice nurse had given us some questions and so I asked him if we could talk about them. He agreed and so we started. We got to the question of "What do you think heaven will be like?" and we all happily imagined streets of gold, reunions, big feasts, big huge wood working shops (he loved wood working) and my dad sat quietly and listened to us then he said "I really don't know about all that. I can't even imagine. I will just worship Christ." And there was silence. I reflect and see what a holy moment it was.
My dad was never demonstrative in his worship but in our tradition we went to church twice on Sundays. My mom worked every other weekend and after my sisters were all married and gone it was just Dad and I going to church in the morning and sharing the Psalter Hymnal. I loved to hear his voice when he sang his favorites "I will sing of My Redeemer," "What a Day that will be" "Great is thy Faithfulness". His voice would crack with emotions at times. He didn't sing loud or really well but he sang and that was his praise.
Anyway, fast forward to a few months after he died. I was driving around rural Iowa and flipping through the channels and I landed on a lady on a Christian radio station and she was talking about Revelations 4 which gives a picture of what heaven looks like. In verse 4 it refers to the 24 elders but what those 24 elders represent are believers who are REDEEMED and are wearing gold crowns of victory. And she said "If someone you love, who was saved, has died this is what the are doing. They are worshiping!" And I said to the radio "Yes they are." And I could not wait to get home to tell my husband because his mom had died 1 month before my dad. Here was HOPE and here was PROOF and I knew what they were doing at that moment! I didn't "lose" my dad, I knew where he was. In fact in Revelations 4:8 it says "Day and night they never stop saying: “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’who was, and is, and is to come."
So to my point. Up to that point in my life I was pretty uncomfortable with raising my hands in worship. But the Spirit had been tugging on me and moving my heart in worship. Sometimes the "tears of praise" would leak out and I knew that the Holy Spirit was moving. But after that realization of what my dad was doing I remember being in church and the song "Revelation Song" starting to play. And in my heart the chains of grief were loosened and the chains were really loosened around my hands because they went up, a little at first then a little more and a lot more. And I KNEW that my dad was doing the exact same thing at the moment and that was a blessing.
I don't think of my dad every time I raise hands in my worship. I think of my Heavenly Father. But when we sing "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD God Almighty who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings" I smile and the tears pour because I am right beside him again and we are worshiping Christ, together.
The Lord is my strength and my song;
he has given me victory.
This is my God, and I will praise him—
my father’s God, and I will exalt him! (Exodus 15:2)
thanks for listening,
joy
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
One Thousand Gifts
It feels like it's been more than 2 weeks since the last blog post. It's probably because I haven't been blogging exactly what's been going on in my world. I have said before that there's no point to this blog unless I attempt to be real. I honestly would like to do that but sometimes I have a hard time fleshing out what's "real", what's "emotional", what's "hormonal", etc, etc. I also get kind of tired of writing about the struggles.
I had hoped when I started this blog a year ago someone would be able to see a journey completed by now, a settling in, a fulfilment of sorts, a victorious woman. And this past month as that year mark came and went I struggled with why I am not "there yet." I feel like a failure of sorts.
Part of the lack of settling in is that the knowledge that the house we live in now is temporary. We want to live closer to the beach and when the kids get out of school that is our plan. By the way, please pray for wisdom and guidance for us as we look for the next place. God was so faithful in providing this place, I need to trust He will continue to provide exactly the place we need, when we need it. Let me back that up a little bit and go out on a limb. I worship a God who wants to give me the desires of my heart, not just what I "need." I am blessed and highly favored. I know he has a wonderful place in mind for us and it will more than meet our needs. Please pray that I keep that my focus and not let anxiety and the need to control take over.
But because we know we will be moving a little ways away (around 10 miles), it still feels like I am still in a transition. So I need to give myself a break. My head can understand that. But I am often times "heart led" so I take a beating pretty regularly. I should have "accomplished" more in a year. Ok, so you get what I've been battling.
So along comes a book, on the recommendation of my sister. It is One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. And all I can say is "Wow." God in His providence put this book in the hands of 2 of my sisters at the same time as me a couple of weeks before we were planning to get together for a long weekend. We were still reading it when we got together and so we had some chances to review and process a little bit. But none of us had finished it yet. I was able to read quite a bit on my way home and I told my sister "I don't know if the enemy was trying to keep me from this book before the trip, because I really needed it or if God wanted me to read it after." And she said it was probably the later because now my heart is teachable. So true.
Any way, I saw on google that the book was described as "Ann Voskamp invites us to slow down and celebrate a lifestyle of gratitude." And I all I could think was "I don't think so." This woman has a marriage, 6 kids, a farm and DESIRE to see God. I don't think she would describe her journey as "slowed down." Her journey started when a friend dares her to write down 1000 gifts God has given her. It takes her quite awhile but she gets it done and allows herself to learn so much more along the way.
Gratitude is not a "new" thing. I mean even Oprah had a thing a few years ago about the atitude of gratitude. No, this is different.
I took a few notes in my journal as I wrote and these are a few of the "clips" fiom the first couple of chapters.
Writing down opens our eyes to the little things, its reflecting on what we've been given.
All is grace
Eucharisteo (giving thanks) always, always, precedes the miracle.
"When he (Jesus) was at the table with them, he took the bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them."
And that's just the first chapter or two. Then she peels it back, layer by layer and talks about time, grace, anger, worship, anxiety, humility, culminating to our union with God. Oh my goodness, do I recommend this book? YES. If you can stand it. It's not a light read. It's not a plow through in a few days and forget about it. Buy the book , no, buy 2, one for a friend and buy a journal with it. Don't miss the message God is giving in this book.
It occured to me this morning that the difference between me now and me one year ago is that one year ago all I could do was give thanks. And it wasn't thanks for the big things, it was thanks for the little things. Because we came down here with nothing but each other and trusting God to provide. He did. Today I wake up and it's a beautiful day and all I can think about is how pathetic I am. I need to stop and open my eyes and LOOK and see all the gifts He is giving me today. I need to live in the moment.
Father God, I am asking you, to help me with this. Show me the next steps. Open the eyes of my heart wide open to see your grace, your mercy, your gifts. I feel like there is a little wall around my heart and it's only you who can break that down. I need your grace, I need to know every day that you are all I need. But here's the deal, I need to know it not just when I am alone and in my time with you I NEED to know it when the kids are screaming, the laundry is sky high, the attitudes are foul. I NEED to know it when I am slammed hard at work and patients are sick and hurting and families are needing and ambulances are coming. I need to see the "Ugly Beautiful." Jesus, I NEED it when I am so sick and so tired I don't want to get out of bed, when I am scared and anxious. I need to bend the knee and open my hand to receive what you are giving instead of standing with clenched fists and trying to control everything. I need to see your glory. I need to see your gifts. Help me Father. Thank you Jesus for Ann Voskamp and the story you gave her. Thank you for her willingness to share her story and for her honesty. May your continue to use your Word and her book to give others hope.
All is grace,
joy
I had hoped when I started this blog a year ago someone would be able to see a journey completed by now, a settling in, a fulfilment of sorts, a victorious woman. And this past month as that year mark came and went I struggled with why I am not "there yet." I feel like a failure of sorts.
Part of the lack of settling in is that the knowledge that the house we live in now is temporary. We want to live closer to the beach and when the kids get out of school that is our plan. By the way, please pray for wisdom and guidance for us as we look for the next place. God was so faithful in providing this place, I need to trust He will continue to provide exactly the place we need, when we need it. Let me back that up a little bit and go out on a limb. I worship a God who wants to give me the desires of my heart, not just what I "need." I am blessed and highly favored. I know he has a wonderful place in mind for us and it will more than meet our needs. Please pray that I keep that my focus and not let anxiety and the need to control take over.
But because we know we will be moving a little ways away (around 10 miles), it still feels like I am still in a transition. So I need to give myself a break. My head can understand that. But I am often times "heart led" so I take a beating pretty regularly. I should have "accomplished" more in a year. Ok, so you get what I've been battling.
So along comes a book, on the recommendation of my sister. It is One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. And all I can say is "Wow." God in His providence put this book in the hands of 2 of my sisters at the same time as me a couple of weeks before we were planning to get together for a long weekend. We were still reading it when we got together and so we had some chances to review and process a little bit. But none of us had finished it yet. I was able to read quite a bit on my way home and I told my sister "I don't know if the enemy was trying to keep me from this book before the trip, because I really needed it or if God wanted me to read it after." And she said it was probably the later because now my heart is teachable. So true.
Any way, I saw on google that the book was described as "Ann Voskamp invites us to slow down and celebrate a lifestyle of gratitude." And I all I could think was "I don't think so." This woman has a marriage, 6 kids, a farm and DESIRE to see God. I don't think she would describe her journey as "slowed down." Her journey started when a friend dares her to write down 1000 gifts God has given her. It takes her quite awhile but she gets it done and allows herself to learn so much more along the way.
Gratitude is not a "new" thing. I mean even Oprah had a thing a few years ago about the atitude of gratitude. No, this is different.
I took a few notes in my journal as I wrote and these are a few of the "clips" fiom the first couple of chapters.
Writing down opens our eyes to the little things, its reflecting on what we've been given.
All is grace
Eucharisteo (giving thanks) always, always, precedes the miracle.
"When he (Jesus) was at the table with them, he took the bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them."
And that's just the first chapter or two. Then she peels it back, layer by layer and talks about time, grace, anger, worship, anxiety, humility, culminating to our union with God. Oh my goodness, do I recommend this book? YES. If you can stand it. It's not a light read. It's not a plow through in a few days and forget about it. Buy the book , no, buy 2, one for a friend and buy a journal with it. Don't miss the message God is giving in this book.
It occured to me this morning that the difference between me now and me one year ago is that one year ago all I could do was give thanks. And it wasn't thanks for the big things, it was thanks for the little things. Because we came down here with nothing but each other and trusting God to provide. He did. Today I wake up and it's a beautiful day and all I can think about is how pathetic I am. I need to stop and open my eyes and LOOK and see all the gifts He is giving me today. I need to live in the moment.
Father God, I am asking you, to help me with this. Show me the next steps. Open the eyes of my heart wide open to see your grace, your mercy, your gifts. I feel like there is a little wall around my heart and it's only you who can break that down. I need your grace, I need to know every day that you are all I need. But here's the deal, I need to know it not just when I am alone and in my time with you I NEED to know it when the kids are screaming, the laundry is sky high, the attitudes are foul. I NEED to know it when I am slammed hard at work and patients are sick and hurting and families are needing and ambulances are coming. I need to see the "Ugly Beautiful." Jesus, I NEED it when I am so sick and so tired I don't want to get out of bed, when I am scared and anxious. I need to bend the knee and open my hand to receive what you are giving instead of standing with clenched fists and trying to control everything. I need to see your glory. I need to see your gifts. Help me Father. Thank you Jesus for Ann Voskamp and the story you gave her. Thank you for her willingness to share her story and for her honesty. May your continue to use your Word and her book to give others hope.
All is grace,
joy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)