Report cards came out yesterday. As it is the 3rd quarter and everyone is passing I am pleased. The kids are doing solid work and really trying hard so I am proud of them. It got me thinking though that I am glad as a grown up I don't have a quarterly report card. I have a yearly evaluation at work I guess but I am not graded day to day. Right? Then I realized maybe that's not so true in my life. Truth is my bosses could give me a horrible evaluation and that would be awful but it wouldn't be nearly as scathing as the one going on in my head some days.
Have you ever heard of the children's story by Max Lucado "You are Special"? It's a story about Wemmicks. Wemmicks were notorious for placing dots and stars on people. If you did well or looked good or had talent you got stars. If you were awkward, did poorly or were unsuccessful you got gray dots. There was one little guy, Punchinello, who got LOTS of dots. He had so many he just kind of stayed away from people for fear of more dots. He meets a girl, Lucia, one day who has no dots or stars and he asks her why she had no dots or stars. She says she goes to visit her Maker, Eli everyday. So Punchinello goes to visit Eli and they have a conversation but there is one quote in there that stays in my heart. Punchinello wants to know why the stickers don't stick on the Lucia. And Eli says to him "Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what anyone else thinks. The stickers only stick if you let them."
Oh I love that. I so needed that reminder. These days the gray dots have been so thick on me. No one but me has stuck them on me. They stick every time I compare myself to someone else, try to achieve a standard for myself that's not possible, expect things from my family that are unrealistic. The are so tight around me I can't breath at times. I have been afraid to go to new places for fear everyone will see my dots. I thought it was anxiety but now I can see that they are mostly dumb dots.
So I found Galatians 6:4-5 this morning and it gave me comfort "Don't be impressed with yourself. [I read this and think, Don't think about yourself so much].Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."
In this Lenten season I am also reminded that Jesus Christ came to this earth, suffered horribly, died and then ROSE AGAIN so I could have life abundant. He didn't make me or you to get to bogged down in dots or stars. He came so that we would be loved by Him and then show His love to others. I know it seems too simple but that's it.
I'm not going to deny that anxiety and fear aren't real and that all of us deal with that but that's for another day. I am still processing all that for myself. Pray for me. :)
Have a blessed day.
"...they only stick if you let them..."
joy
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
cool drink of water
I need to make a disclaimer that first, I have a wonderful husband who ismy best friend. I never want to discount that relationship in my life. Second, I don't want anyone to think I am "alone" even when I sound "lonely." I am just a very relational person and also not a very patient person. I want relationships in Florida like I had in Iowa, NOW! I never anticipated that building new relationships would take time, trial and error and a few other things. I am just journaling this journey in case anyone else goes through these things too.
John 4:10-42 "If you knew the generosity of who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water."
The "Woman at the Well." I know there is something Jesus wants to show me through this woman. I think I am close. Here is what I know about this passage.
She came alone. She came to the well in the mid day hoping to avoid the other village ladies. She didn't need their condemning stares; she carried enough guilt on her own. After 5 husbands she was done with marriage but so she opted to "shack up" with the one she was with now. This was a woman with trust issues and "walls."
Ok, I get that. I understand about not wanting to get close to someone because you are afraid of how people will respond to you once they "really" get to know you. I make up others people's minds about me before I have ever told them my name. I have their answers in my mind before I ever ask them to do anything. I am begining to see why I need to take a look at this woman.
As she was drawing water from the well a man approached her, a Jewish man nonetheless. I can only guess at the trust issues she had with men. I am sure she came trying to avoid the village women but never thinking she would have to deal with a Jewish man who was trying to talk to her there.
How confusing for her as Jews did not talk to Samaritans in those days much less ask them for anything. And men in general did not speak to her unless they wanted something from her.
But she looked at him as she spoke. She saw his eyes seeing her and she knew something was different. But trust is not something that came easily so she questioned him. She questioned why he, a Jew, would talk to her, a Samaritan. She questioned how was he going to carry any of his special "living water" if he didn't have a bucket.
She says to him (and I paraphrase), "Give me some of this water so I never have to come back to this well again." Is she mocking him? Or does she really hate coming to the well? The well was where day to day "normal" business was carried out and on the inside she was screaming "My life is not normal!" The guilt, shame and hiding were becoming too much. She saw no way out.
She tried to steer the questions so she could deflect the attention from herself but Jesus had a purpose in mind for her.
He asked her about her husband but he knew her situation. She just needed to be face to face honest with her Savior. Sometimes we do that voluntarily but sometimes we need to be confronted. Laying it ALL out is the only way to have true freedom. In unveiling her dark past, he brought to light a woman.
My heart hurts for her in this moment. She doesn't know what he will say next. She was used to the tongue lashing, berating words, the scolding that inevitably came. And the people who usually dished that out didn't really know her and the most hidden places in her heart. They just judged her based on her circumstances. What was about to come from this man who seemed to know everything about her?
She tries to figure it out on her level, “Oh, you are a prophet." And then the fast talking begins she tries to deflect this intensity. "You Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place to worship, right?" I can see her mind in defense mode.
But Jesus uses all her questions and defenses to accomplish his purpose and that's her salvation.
He saw her and knew the truth about her and he loved her. He never saw her as hopeless or too far gone. He knew her potential as a disciple.
And he lays it out simply before her. He says to her "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God....That's the kind of people the Father is looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in worship."
He is telling her be truthful about yourself. Share your transformation, salvation story. When you are real, it's worship. When you worship, be real.
The woman left and became a witness. She went back to her town and "many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of this woman's testimony."
In the end I keep thinking about the woman who reached out to touch Jesus and she was healed and I contrast it with this woman. I am struck and on my knees thankful that Jesus did the reaching out. She did not see this coming.
Have you ever longed for someone to reach out to you? "Doesn't anyone see me?" There have been times reaching out hasn't always come when and how I hoped for it and that has bothered me. But then, when I least expect it I am blessed by some one who does reach out, who's following up on a struggle I shared with her, who's called just to check on me, who's invited me to hang out, who has offered me the cool, water of real, authentic, accepting relationship. His ways are much better than mine. Now if someone could just tatoo it on me so I would quit forgetting that.
Jesus, thank you that you still send people to break down our walls. It's hard and it hurts sometimes too Lord. But the reward is great. Help me to trust you and to let others see what's real in me. Help me to be a testimony the love and grace you've shown me. Jesus I am so thankful your water gets into the dry, desert places on my heart and makes a fertile soil for growth and love. Keep pouring it out Jesus so I can pour it out to others.
refreshed again by the Living Water.....
John 4:10-42 "If you knew the generosity of who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water."
The "Woman at the Well." I know there is something Jesus wants to show me through this woman. I think I am close. Here is what I know about this passage.
She came alone. She came to the well in the mid day hoping to avoid the other village ladies. She didn't need their condemning stares; she carried enough guilt on her own. After 5 husbands she was done with marriage but so she opted to "shack up" with the one she was with now. This was a woman with trust issues and "walls."
Ok, I get that. I understand about not wanting to get close to someone because you are afraid of how people will respond to you once they "really" get to know you. I make up others people's minds about me before I have ever told them my name. I have their answers in my mind before I ever ask them to do anything. I am begining to see why I need to take a look at this woman.
As she was drawing water from the well a man approached her, a Jewish man nonetheless. I can only guess at the trust issues she had with men. I am sure she came trying to avoid the village women but never thinking she would have to deal with a Jewish man who was trying to talk to her there.
How confusing for her as Jews did not talk to Samaritans in those days much less ask them for anything. And men in general did not speak to her unless they wanted something from her.
But she looked at him as she spoke. She saw his eyes seeing her and she knew something was different. But trust is not something that came easily so she questioned him. She questioned why he, a Jew, would talk to her, a Samaritan. She questioned how was he going to carry any of his special "living water" if he didn't have a bucket.
She says to him (and I paraphrase), "Give me some of this water so I never have to come back to this well again." Is she mocking him? Or does she really hate coming to the well? The well was where day to day "normal" business was carried out and on the inside she was screaming "My life is not normal!" The guilt, shame and hiding were becoming too much. She saw no way out.
She tried to steer the questions so she could deflect the attention from herself but Jesus had a purpose in mind for her.
He asked her about her husband but he knew her situation. She just needed to be face to face honest with her Savior. Sometimes we do that voluntarily but sometimes we need to be confronted. Laying it ALL out is the only way to have true freedom. In unveiling her dark past, he brought to light a woman.
My heart hurts for her in this moment. She doesn't know what he will say next. She was used to the tongue lashing, berating words, the scolding that inevitably came. And the people who usually dished that out didn't really know her and the most hidden places in her heart. They just judged her based on her circumstances. What was about to come from this man who seemed to know everything about her?
She tries to figure it out on her level, “Oh, you are a prophet." And then the fast talking begins she tries to deflect this intensity. "You Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place to worship, right?" I can see her mind in defense mode.
But Jesus uses all her questions and defenses to accomplish his purpose and that's her salvation.
He saw her and knew the truth about her and he loved her. He never saw her as hopeless or too far gone. He knew her potential as a disciple.
And he lays it out simply before her. He says to her "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God....That's the kind of people the Father is looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in worship."
He is telling her be truthful about yourself. Share your transformation, salvation story. When you are real, it's worship. When you worship, be real.
The woman left and became a witness. She went back to her town and "many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of this woman's testimony."
In the end I keep thinking about the woman who reached out to touch Jesus and she was healed and I contrast it with this woman. I am struck and on my knees thankful that Jesus did the reaching out. She did not see this coming.
Have you ever longed for someone to reach out to you? "Doesn't anyone see me?" There have been times reaching out hasn't always come when and how I hoped for it and that has bothered me. But then, when I least expect it I am blessed by some one who does reach out, who's following up on a struggle I shared with her, who's called just to check on me, who's invited me to hang out, who has offered me the cool, water of real, authentic, accepting relationship. His ways are much better than mine. Now if someone could just tatoo it on me so I would quit forgetting that.
Jesus, thank you that you still send people to break down our walls. It's hard and it hurts sometimes too Lord. But the reward is great. Help me to trust you and to let others see what's real in me. Help me to be a testimony the love and grace you've shown me. Jesus I am so thankful your water gets into the dry, desert places on my heart and makes a fertile soil for growth and love. Keep pouring it out Jesus so I can pour it out to others.
refreshed again by the Living Water.....
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
stop and sit with me for awhile
I have had a verse in my mind all month. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV). In my "old Bible" it's marked as a "favorite verse."
It's no wonder this verse has been on my heart. It has been really busy at work. On top of being really busy while I am there, there are extra hours open and so I feel compelled to work those to. Why? Because I work 3 12 hour days a week and I feel a little like a "slacker" so I pick up an extra shift (or 2) each week. At least that's the answer I give most people. If you dig a little deeper there's more to it.
Peel back the next layer you will find I come from a long line of hard workers. It is ingrained in me if you are healthy and able that is what you do, you work. It's a generational Dutch thing.
Peel back the next layer and you will find I have success at work and that validates me. People love you when you take care of them, most of the time. Some people will hate you no matter what but then I can love on them in a way Jesus would want me to and isn't that great too? What a great place to get validated on how helpful, wonderful, caring you are. Blah, blah, blah.
I work in the ER so my success is quick and my result are fast and I either a) send the patient on to someone else to care for or b) send them home. Check, check, done! It stands in stark constrast to home where dishes, kids papers and laundry pile up. And I feel like I am never done. My husband and kids have been great about helping and doing things for me and each other but then I feel GUILT because I can't do the "mom things". Ughhh. Anyone else starting to see how hopeless I am?
Go a little deeper and you will see the dark part. The part that is part greed, part fear. Part greed because I like a big, fat paycheck. I like being able to pay my bills when they are due. I like having some extra to do fun things with my family. Part fear because I look back to one year ago and that wasn't how it was and I NEVER want to go back there. So I work and I work and I work some more.
Here's what's strange. When we moved here, I didn't have a job for 6 weeks. I was in this state of dependence and not sure how God was going to work it out but I had to believe it. He'd brought us down here and I didn't have a back up plan. And he provided every day and gave us exactly what we needed when we needed it. Then I got a job and it was part time. I could work up to full time if I wanted but I had flexibility in that. I liked being a mom. God provided. And I was content.
Then about October I decided to go full time which included every other weekend. Why did I go full time? I could say because the insurance was cheaper if I was full time. But the truth is I couldn't see what God wanted to do with me and I was getting restless so I took over. I worked.
So I started full time, then I could work 1 extra day a payperiod, then 1 extra day a week, then "we need help can you come in?" So that's where I am now. Back where I was a year ago. Financially better, but emotionally, spiritually, relationally spent.
I have believed every lie. I worked out of fear. I worked so I could "take over for God." This is going to sound strange but I sometimes think I need to give God a break. I owe it to him for all He's done for me. He has so many to take care of and I am highly capable, healthy, and able bodied. I will work so He doesn't have to worry about me. He shouldn't have to take care of me all the time.
You can ask my husband, I am very difficult to take care of. I don't depend on others well. I don't ask for help. I am proud of my independence. My parents used to say "Joy's so independent." And that was my badge I wore proudly.
But in case you think I am a hopeless case I have done a few things differently this time around. 1) I recognized it. 2) I am putting it out there so if you know me and see me on a regular basis you can hold me accountable. Ask me "How's your schedule?" and "Have you taken a rest?" I will do it for you too if you want! 3) I have asked my husband to help me and keep me accountable to not let my schedule get out of hand anymore.
I am also keeping in front of me one of my favorite verses. Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Thank you for the tenderness of this offer to rest with you. I am thankful you are not a God who has us on a leash and tugs us this way or that way. Jesus, I am ready to recover my life. Today, I am back to walking and working with you. I have a feeling that you are the counter weight I need to balance this life again. You are my Jehovah Jireh and I trust you to meet ALL my needs. Thank you that the "unforced rhythms of grace" mean that I don't owe you anything. All I give to you is because I love you. Thank you for this time to sit with you. I am feeling lighter already. I pray that others will find real rest with you too. Thank you for this Sabbath. Praise you.
Thank you for taking the time to sit with me and rest.
Love you!
joy
It's no wonder this verse has been on my heart. It has been really busy at work. On top of being really busy while I am there, there are extra hours open and so I feel compelled to work those to. Why? Because I work 3 12 hour days a week and I feel a little like a "slacker" so I pick up an extra shift (or 2) each week. At least that's the answer I give most people. If you dig a little deeper there's more to it.
Peel back the next layer you will find I come from a long line of hard workers. It is ingrained in me if you are healthy and able that is what you do, you work. It's a generational Dutch thing.
Peel back the next layer and you will find I have success at work and that validates me. People love you when you take care of them, most of the time. Some people will hate you no matter what but then I can love on them in a way Jesus would want me to and isn't that great too? What a great place to get validated on how helpful, wonderful, caring you are. Blah, blah, blah.
I work in the ER so my success is quick and my result are fast and I either a) send the patient on to someone else to care for or b) send them home. Check, check, done! It stands in stark constrast to home where dishes, kids papers and laundry pile up. And I feel like I am never done. My husband and kids have been great about helping and doing things for me and each other but then I feel GUILT because I can't do the "mom things". Ughhh. Anyone else starting to see how hopeless I am?
Go a little deeper and you will see the dark part. The part that is part greed, part fear. Part greed because I like a big, fat paycheck. I like being able to pay my bills when they are due. I like having some extra to do fun things with my family. Part fear because I look back to one year ago and that wasn't how it was and I NEVER want to go back there. So I work and I work and I work some more.
Here's what's strange. When we moved here, I didn't have a job for 6 weeks. I was in this state of dependence and not sure how God was going to work it out but I had to believe it. He'd brought us down here and I didn't have a back up plan. And he provided every day and gave us exactly what we needed when we needed it. Then I got a job and it was part time. I could work up to full time if I wanted but I had flexibility in that. I liked being a mom. God provided. And I was content.
Then about October I decided to go full time which included every other weekend. Why did I go full time? I could say because the insurance was cheaper if I was full time. But the truth is I couldn't see what God wanted to do with me and I was getting restless so I took over. I worked.
So I started full time, then I could work 1 extra day a payperiod, then 1 extra day a week, then "we need help can you come in?" So that's where I am now. Back where I was a year ago. Financially better, but emotionally, spiritually, relationally spent.
I have believed every lie. I worked out of fear. I worked so I could "take over for God." This is going to sound strange but I sometimes think I need to give God a break. I owe it to him for all He's done for me. He has so many to take care of and I am highly capable, healthy, and able bodied. I will work so He doesn't have to worry about me. He shouldn't have to take care of me all the time.
You can ask my husband, I am very difficult to take care of. I don't depend on others well. I don't ask for help. I am proud of my independence. My parents used to say "Joy's so independent." And that was my badge I wore proudly.
But in case you think I am a hopeless case I have done a few things differently this time around. 1) I recognized it. 2) I am putting it out there so if you know me and see me on a regular basis you can hold me accountable. Ask me "How's your schedule?" and "Have you taken a rest?" I will do it for you too if you want! 3) I have asked my husband to help me and keep me accountable to not let my schedule get out of hand anymore.
I am also keeping in front of me one of my favorite verses. Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Thank you for the tenderness of this offer to rest with you. I am thankful you are not a God who has us on a leash and tugs us this way or that way. Jesus, I am ready to recover my life. Today, I am back to walking and working with you. I have a feeling that you are the counter weight I need to balance this life again. You are my Jehovah Jireh and I trust you to meet ALL my needs. Thank you that the "unforced rhythms of grace" mean that I don't owe you anything. All I give to you is because I love you. Thank you for this time to sit with you. I am feeling lighter already. I pray that others will find real rest with you too. Thank you for this Sabbath. Praise you.
Thank you for taking the time to sit with me and rest.
Love you!
joy
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Crickets
Feeling a little like I may need to retitle this blog "Joy's Pit." I don't know if it's shorter days, less sunlight, more long days at work or if my attitude just needs a real adjustment. Let me try and explain with out sounding like the hot mess I think I am.
A little over a year ago I was in a leadership class and I recall many were sitting there because they were trying to figure out what God wanted to do with them. I know I annoyed more than a few in my class because I often times felt like "I got this. What's the problem people?" I had a job I was very comfortable in and had achieved some success in, on the local school board, active in my church, studying the Word, getting ready to share it with my next "audience."
Jump ahead to present day Joy. No clue what I am doing. When I ask God what do you want me to do I get crickets (silence). When I try to volunteer for a couple of things I think I might be good at I get turned down. Crickets.
At first I accepted it as resting. Busy for too long and God sees I need a rest. Now it feels like rusting. I went from needing a break to feeling broken. And it sucks. I am thankful for those of you who can read this and not get it. I am also sorry to those who were in this and I just assumed it was your own deal. I ask, I cry out. "What do you want me to do? I am spinning my wheels and trying but you are not helping me right now! People around me are getting it done. Good things. Put me in coach! I am ready to PLAY." Crickets.
Trying to figure out relationships. Who can I trust? Who should I talk to? Who wants to know me? Who needs a friend too? Do they even like me, Lord? Crickets.
Is it me? Am I too busy, is my world to noisy to hear God? I can usally draw on His word to speak directly to me but now I feel like I am reading about him, a distant story. Is there a problem with me? A sin I need to deal with? What is it? Crickets.
I have been pretty hard on myself. Yesterday it finally came to a head and I was a blubbering mess. This morning I found a piece by Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest. It seems that I am not the only one who has experienced this silence of God.
"Has God trusted you with a silence - a silence that is big with meaning? God's silences are His answers...Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking for a visible answer? God will give you the blessings you ask if you will not go any further without them; but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? (Me-Yes!!)You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said - "I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone." He did not, and to-day you find He gave you the bread of life.
A wonderful thing about God's silence is that the contagion of His stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident - "I know God has heard me." (Me-Still working on that!) His silence is the proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give you the first sign of His intimacy - silence."
Please note the emphasis are mine and the italics are my responses.
I am trying to learn that it I need to be comfortable in the silence. I need to trust God runs on a divine plan, not my time. I remember the psalmist said "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14. Patience and waiting are not my friends. This will be a time of trusting Him that He does have something planned for me.
I am learning in my prayer time I need to work on my silence so that I can just listen. I love to talk, I love music in the background. Silence is VERY hard for me. God promises in Isaiah "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying "This is the way; walk in it." But I need to stop talking and start listening. Stop doing and start listening. He's saying to me "Get comfortable in this, Joy." I am waiting for the BIG thing and the BIG answer. I am remembering what Elijah learned "A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper." A person has to be quiet to hear a whisper.
Pray for me. This looks to be a big challenge for me. Thank you sharing this journey with me. I pray that when God seems quiet to you that you will remember something of this and God uses it to help you too.
peace to you,
joy
A little over a year ago I was in a leadership class and I recall many were sitting there because they were trying to figure out what God wanted to do with them. I know I annoyed more than a few in my class because I often times felt like "I got this. What's the problem people?" I had a job I was very comfortable in and had achieved some success in, on the local school board, active in my church, studying the Word, getting ready to share it with my next "audience."
Jump ahead to present day Joy. No clue what I am doing. When I ask God what do you want me to do I get crickets (silence). When I try to volunteer for a couple of things I think I might be good at I get turned down. Crickets.
At first I accepted it as resting. Busy for too long and God sees I need a rest. Now it feels like rusting. I went from needing a break to feeling broken. And it sucks. I am thankful for those of you who can read this and not get it. I am also sorry to those who were in this and I just assumed it was your own deal. I ask, I cry out. "What do you want me to do? I am spinning my wheels and trying but you are not helping me right now! People around me are getting it done. Good things. Put me in coach! I am ready to PLAY." Crickets.
Trying to figure out relationships. Who can I trust? Who should I talk to? Who wants to know me? Who needs a friend too? Do they even like me, Lord? Crickets.
Is it me? Am I too busy, is my world to noisy to hear God? I can usally draw on His word to speak directly to me but now I feel like I am reading about him, a distant story. Is there a problem with me? A sin I need to deal with? What is it? Crickets.
I have been pretty hard on myself. Yesterday it finally came to a head and I was a blubbering mess. This morning I found a piece by Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest. It seems that I am not the only one who has experienced this silence of God.
"Has God trusted you with a silence - a silence that is big with meaning? God's silences are His answers...Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking for a visible answer? God will give you the blessings you ask if you will not go any further without them; but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? (Me-Yes!!)You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said - "I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone." He did not, and to-day you find He gave you the bread of life.
A wonderful thing about God's silence is that the contagion of His stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident - "I know God has heard me." (Me-Still working on that!) His silence is the proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give you the first sign of His intimacy - silence."
Please note the emphasis are mine and the italics are my responses.
I am trying to learn that it I need to be comfortable in the silence. I need to trust God runs on a divine plan, not my time. I remember the psalmist said "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14. Patience and waiting are not my friends. This will be a time of trusting Him that He does have something planned for me.
I am learning in my prayer time I need to work on my silence so that I can just listen. I love to talk, I love music in the background. Silence is VERY hard for me. God promises in Isaiah "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying "This is the way; walk in it." But I need to stop talking and start listening. Stop doing and start listening. He's saying to me "Get comfortable in this, Joy." I am waiting for the BIG thing and the BIG answer. I am remembering what Elijah learned "A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper." A person has to be quiet to hear a whisper.
Pray for me. This looks to be a big challenge for me. Thank you sharing this journey with me. I pray that when God seems quiet to you that you will remember something of this and God uses it to help you too.
peace to you,
joy
Friday, January 28, 2011
"Out Live Your Life"
I am not yet finished with the book I am currently reading. It's one of thoses "savor and process" books. Each chapter stands on its own with enough for me to chew for a day or two. But today is a special day and this book makes me think about special people in my world.
The book is "Out Live Your Live-You were made to make a difference" by Max Lucado. It is written in Max Lucado's typical style of short chapters, great descriptions of Bible passages and stories about everyday people all wrapped up in a ribbon of "You won't soon forget this." The focus is on the early church in the book of Acts. It parallels how one small movement and one small group of people rocked the culture and nations of the day. He makes the point that God is still pushing us toward that today and wouldn't it be something if we all took those steps out of our boxes. One person can't do everything but what if everyone did something? Our homes, our neighborhoods, our nation and our world could not be the same. Simple acts and gifts can have eternal consequences. If you liked Crazy Love by Frances Chan, read this book too.
I love this book because it reminds me of my mom and her birthday is today. Happy Birthday Mom!
I don't think my mom would describe herself as giving. But it is one of the first words I would use to describe her. She would not like this but I am going to brag on her a little bit. For the past 2 Christmases my Mom has given to international relief organizations in each of our names. This past Christmas, she gave us the privilege of choosing the gift we wanted to give. I gave milk to babies, one of my kids gave sports equipment to kids, one of my nephews gave a water buffalo or something. So cool. When I think about babies getting the nutrition they need from my gift my heart fills. I so desparately would like to be able to hold and care for babies I know who starve and fight illnesses that are easily treatable here. I can't do that but through those gifts and my prayers a difference is made in their lives. My mom gave those gifts on behalf of the 30 something people (I have lost count) in my family.
I remember one year my mom brought my dad to help a lady put up her Chirstmas tree. I don't remember why she needed help but my mom saw a need and knew she could help.
My mom was a nurse's assistant at our local hospital while I was growing up. She went above and beyond when caring for people. She didn't just care about meeting physical needs but could give a kind word. She took care of countless newborn babies and so many mom's remember her fondly in those first days of their child's life. They knew she wasn't just giving care to those babies, she was giving love.
My mom has made each of the grandkids a baby quilt when they are born and a big quilt when they graduate from high school. These are treasures to her grandkids and some (I won't mention names, still sleep with their baby blanket) So sweet.
My mom spends many mornings at weekly breakfasts with friends she has had for years. She walks along side them as they struggle through the pain of getting older, losing their spouses and the pain of having children who have cancer. She has had friends longer than I have been on this earth and she continues to have room in her life for new ones.
My mom gives her time for her church and for a local thrift store. She loves both and is willing to commit hours of her time each week to them.
My mom has given her love, time and resources to her family (especially this daughter) and never once has she made me feel like I owed her any thing. The enemy has tried to tell me I do and that she will expect something but I know that's not why she does it. She gives because she loves. She gives and loves because she has been given much and has been loved much. She has a deep compassion for those who are hurting and it is not in her to ignore hurting people.
My mom gives everyday of her life. She is a beautiful woman. While she may not recognize it, what she does goes on farther than she knows. I know someday, Jesus will show her how all she gave has touched lives and the impact she made. She is a light and a blessing to me, my family and so many other people. I am thankful that I was able (through a few tears) to sit down and try and honor who she is today. Please consider this the hug I can't give you today. I love you mom! You are blessed!
Thank you Jesus for my mom. Hold her close, show her today how valuable, loved and precious. Bless her with many more wonderful years. "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things,but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
joy
PS My niece Rianne also shares this day with my mom as her birthday and I am proud to say she is as giving as my mom. She has a passion for the those who are often forgotten today-the elderly, the deaf, the orphans. She has a heart for Jesus and loves to share His love. She has a beautiful light in her spirit. I love you too Rianne!!!
The book is "Out Live Your Live-You were made to make a difference" by Max Lucado. It is written in Max Lucado's typical style of short chapters, great descriptions of Bible passages and stories about everyday people all wrapped up in a ribbon of "You won't soon forget this." The focus is on the early church in the book of Acts. It parallels how one small movement and one small group of people rocked the culture and nations of the day. He makes the point that God is still pushing us toward that today and wouldn't it be something if we all took those steps out of our boxes. One person can't do everything but what if everyone did something? Our homes, our neighborhoods, our nation and our world could not be the same. Simple acts and gifts can have eternal consequences. If you liked Crazy Love by Frances Chan, read this book too.
I love this book because it reminds me of my mom and her birthday is today. Happy Birthday Mom!
I don't think my mom would describe herself as giving. But it is one of the first words I would use to describe her. She would not like this but I am going to brag on her a little bit. For the past 2 Christmases my Mom has given to international relief organizations in each of our names. This past Christmas, she gave us the privilege of choosing the gift we wanted to give. I gave milk to babies, one of my kids gave sports equipment to kids, one of my nephews gave a water buffalo or something. So cool. When I think about babies getting the nutrition they need from my gift my heart fills. I so desparately would like to be able to hold and care for babies I know who starve and fight illnesses that are easily treatable here. I can't do that but through those gifts and my prayers a difference is made in their lives. My mom gave those gifts on behalf of the 30 something people (I have lost count) in my family.
I remember one year my mom brought my dad to help a lady put up her Chirstmas tree. I don't remember why she needed help but my mom saw a need and knew she could help.
My mom was a nurse's assistant at our local hospital while I was growing up. She went above and beyond when caring for people. She didn't just care about meeting physical needs but could give a kind word. She took care of countless newborn babies and so many mom's remember her fondly in those first days of their child's life. They knew she wasn't just giving care to those babies, she was giving love.
My mom has made each of the grandkids a baby quilt when they are born and a big quilt when they graduate from high school. These are treasures to her grandkids and some (I won't mention names, still sleep with their baby blanket) So sweet.
My mom spends many mornings at weekly breakfasts with friends she has had for years. She walks along side them as they struggle through the pain of getting older, losing their spouses and the pain of having children who have cancer. She has had friends longer than I have been on this earth and she continues to have room in her life for new ones.
My mom gives her time for her church and for a local thrift store. She loves both and is willing to commit hours of her time each week to them.
My mom has given her love, time and resources to her family (especially this daughter) and never once has she made me feel like I owed her any thing. The enemy has tried to tell me I do and that she will expect something but I know that's not why she does it. She gives because she loves. She gives and loves because she has been given much and has been loved much. She has a deep compassion for those who are hurting and it is not in her to ignore hurting people.
My mom gives everyday of her life. She is a beautiful woman. While she may not recognize it, what she does goes on farther than she knows. I know someday, Jesus will show her how all she gave has touched lives and the impact she made. She is a light and a blessing to me, my family and so many other people. I am thankful that I was able (through a few tears) to sit down and try and honor who she is today. Please consider this the hug I can't give you today. I love you mom! You are blessed!
Thank you Jesus for my mom. Hold her close, show her today how valuable, loved and precious. Bless her with many more wonderful years. "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things,but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
joy
PS My niece Rianne also shares this day with my mom as her birthday and I am proud to say she is as giving as my mom. She has a passion for the those who are often forgotten today-the elderly, the deaf, the orphans. She has a heart for Jesus and loves to share His love. She has a beautiful light in her spirit. I love you too Rianne!!!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
What I'm reading-"Heaven is for Real"
I was recently able to procure a few books thanks to a wonderful Christmas giftcard from my sweet in-laws. I love books and usually find myself in the throws of 2 or 3 at once. Some books want to be savored and processed so I am a little slow with them. Some are "I need to finish this book!" kind of books. For me those are usually other people's stories. I love it when someone else shares their story. It is so sweet when someone is able to look back and see God's fingerprints all over an experience even if they may not have felt it so strongly at the time.
So it is my goal to try and read a book at week and share with you if I think it is with your valuable time and dollars. Unless you go to the library, then it's free. I don't do the library. I am forgetful and oftentimes the fines would have bought me the book. I do love going to the library, I love being surrounded by the possibilities in all those books but it's not for me.
All of the books I mention can (and should be) purchased from your local Christian book store. Full disclosure, my sister owns one and I have seen that by supporting the store in your purchases you are also supporting a very real, valuable ministry for the people who come in there seeking. Another disclosure, I don't have a small, Christian bookstore nearby, just a chain store, which is good, but I don't get my books there because....yet another disclosure, I have a nook and read my books on that. When we moved I had to get rid of books because of the volume I like to have around me and that was awful. This way my little books are in one compact little place. Ok, onward and upward. :)
The first book in the recently purchased "stack" is "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo. What I really want to do it tell you EVERYTHING about this book but then you may decide you don't need to read it since you know everything. This book excited me, comforted me and didn't just leave me wanting heaven but it gave real comfort that God hears us, Jesus intercedes for us and the Holy Spirit does a work in us here on earth.
Here's the summary. The story is about Colton Burpo who was 4 years old when he was having emergency surgery and at some point in the surgery he left his body and went to heaven. Todd, his father, writes about what Colton shared over the course of a 1-2 years after the experience. A few of the things he described where how he saw his father praying during the surgery, meeting family members who had gone to heaven before him, seeing angels and having tiny angel wings. That may seem like things a preschooler may think about but theres more. There's things that a preschooler would likely not have learned in their Sunday School-how Jesus has a white horse (Revalation 9), "rainbows "around God's throne (Revalation 4), the Holy Spirit who "shoots power down" on us.
While all of those things are awesome, the point that this book drove home to me is how children are so, so, so special to Jesus. I believe children, because of their innocence, have the ability to see things that adults don't. I remember almost 17 or 18 years ago, a sweet friend of mine lost her precious baby girl to SIDS. My friend's son was 3-4 years old at the time. One day when they were together, the little guy told his mom he wanted to go see his sister. My friend thought he meant the cemetary and told him sure they could go there. But the little guy persisted and said "No, I want to go to her house. I saw her and her house, it's beautiful." How many preschoolers know John 14:2 "In my Father's house are many mansions: if [it were] not [so], I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you."?
It is amazing to me that God used the words and experience of a 4 year old boy to make the concept of Heaven a reality, again in my and so many other's minds. So sweet, so beautiful. I highly recommend this book. You will want to tell someone else about it too.
blessings,
joy
So it is my goal to try and read a book at week and share with you if I think it is with your valuable time and dollars. Unless you go to the library, then it's free. I don't do the library. I am forgetful and oftentimes the fines would have bought me the book. I do love going to the library, I love being surrounded by the possibilities in all those books but it's not for me.
All of the books I mention can (and should be) purchased from your local Christian book store. Full disclosure, my sister owns one and I have seen that by supporting the store in your purchases you are also supporting a very real, valuable ministry for the people who come in there seeking. Another disclosure, I don't have a small, Christian bookstore nearby, just a chain store, which is good, but I don't get my books there because....yet another disclosure, I have a nook and read my books on that. When we moved I had to get rid of books because of the volume I like to have around me and that was awful. This way my little books are in one compact little place. Ok, onward and upward. :)
The first book in the recently purchased "stack" is "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo. What I really want to do it tell you EVERYTHING about this book but then you may decide you don't need to read it since you know everything. This book excited me, comforted me and didn't just leave me wanting heaven but it gave real comfort that God hears us, Jesus intercedes for us and the Holy Spirit does a work in us here on earth.
Here's the summary. The story is about Colton Burpo who was 4 years old when he was having emergency surgery and at some point in the surgery he left his body and went to heaven. Todd, his father, writes about what Colton shared over the course of a 1-2 years after the experience. A few of the things he described where how he saw his father praying during the surgery, meeting family members who had gone to heaven before him, seeing angels and having tiny angel wings. That may seem like things a preschooler may think about but theres more. There's things that a preschooler would likely not have learned in their Sunday School-how Jesus has a white horse (Revalation 9), "rainbows "around God's throne (Revalation 4), the Holy Spirit who "shoots power down" on us.
While all of those things are awesome, the point that this book drove home to me is how children are so, so, so special to Jesus. I believe children, because of their innocence, have the ability to see things that adults don't. I remember almost 17 or 18 years ago, a sweet friend of mine lost her precious baby girl to SIDS. My friend's son was 3-4 years old at the time. One day when they were together, the little guy told his mom he wanted to go see his sister. My friend thought he meant the cemetary and told him sure they could go there. But the little guy persisted and said "No, I want to go to her house. I saw her and her house, it's beautiful." How many preschoolers know John 14:2 "In my Father's house are many mansions: if [it were] not [so], I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you."?
It is amazing to me that God used the words and experience of a 4 year old boy to make the concept of Heaven a reality, again in my and so many other's minds. So sweet, so beautiful. I highly recommend this book. You will want to tell someone else about it too.
blessings,
joy
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
New Years Resolutions to My Kids
Wow, a new year. I was still trying to get used to 2010 and all that it has held for me and my family. I did one of those "status collages" on facebook and I was pretty happy with what it showed. In the middle was God and Proverbs on the side (yay for wisdom!). All of my kids and husband's names were scattered through out. I was proud of that because part of what made this move so important was the recognition that what I said I valued and my actions were out of sync.
As part of a leadership class last year I had to write out my life story. I put it off as I felt like it would be painful to put to paper the parts of my life I was not particularly proud of. But the writing also helped me go back and remember those feelings of when my oldest was born and the very real, somehow forgotten feeling of "I was made to be a mom." As much as I struggle, as frustrated as I get, as big as my biggest failures in this category, I know that God made me for this in this time. He gave me these unique kids who need me as a mom and I need them too. So, in that, I decided to in my new years resolutions to do a little better as a mom. Knowing I will fall short, I still think it's important to make those resolutions. I also think it's important to tell others about it so here it goes:
New Years Resolutions to my Kids
1) I resolve to watch my words and how I say them. Scarcasm (and I meant to spell it that way) has to go. I resolve to replace them with encouragement or shut up until I can find it. If it gets heated, I resolve to talk to God before I talk to you. You may be suprised that sometimes I am so frustrated and angry I pray to be struck mute. But that doesn't happen so I will pray for an abundant measure of self control.
2) I resolve to see you as individuals and not just "the kids." I resolve to try and spend time alone with each of you in formal and informal ways. I recognize our time is limited and valuable. I resolve to not view these times with an agenda but to keep it open for what is important to you.
3) I resolve to remember that ultimately you are not mine but God's. I will keep this in the forefront of my mind when we argue, when I am disappointed in a choice you have made, when your pursuits are not necessarily what I would have chosen for you. I will remember He is doing a mighty work in you too and it is my job to not stand in the way of your victories.
4) I resolve to continue to love your Dad. Your dad is my hero, too. I will spend time with him with out feeling guilty because I am not with you. I will be there for you when you need me too. It is the best gift I can give you to have a happy marriage and happy dad.
5) I resolve to show you more this year how to give back to others. It may mean stepping out of our box. It may mean feeling a little wierd but it will be worth it. God has blessed us in amazing ways and now it's our turn to pay it forward. I know you guys have great ideas about how to do this and I know you see needs that I don't. Please share those with me.
6) Last but not the least, actually the most important. I resolve to take care of myself physically, spiritually and emotionally. More exercise, less caffeine. More Bible, less facebook. More retreating and refreshing, less going full bore every day. In doing this so I can better care for you. When I am more in the Word I am less fearful which equals trusting God which equals me yelling less because something feels out of control. I hope that makes sense.
I love you and my prayer is that even more this year that you see I love being your mom. I pray that anyone who knows me will know that my family is my biggest blessing. "I prayed for this child and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." (1 Samuel 1:27) Help me to ALWAYS remember you are an answer to my prayers.
Love you guys,
mom
As part of a leadership class last year I had to write out my life story. I put it off as I felt like it would be painful to put to paper the parts of my life I was not particularly proud of. But the writing also helped me go back and remember those feelings of when my oldest was born and the very real, somehow forgotten feeling of "I was made to be a mom." As much as I struggle, as frustrated as I get, as big as my biggest failures in this category, I know that God made me for this in this time. He gave me these unique kids who need me as a mom and I need them too. So, in that, I decided to in my new years resolutions to do a little better as a mom. Knowing I will fall short, I still think it's important to make those resolutions. I also think it's important to tell others about it so here it goes:
New Years Resolutions to my Kids
1) I resolve to watch my words and how I say them. Scarcasm (and I meant to spell it that way) has to go. I resolve to replace them with encouragement or shut up until I can find it. If it gets heated, I resolve to talk to God before I talk to you. You may be suprised that sometimes I am so frustrated and angry I pray to be struck mute. But that doesn't happen so I will pray for an abundant measure of self control.
2) I resolve to see you as individuals and not just "the kids." I resolve to try and spend time alone with each of you in formal and informal ways. I recognize our time is limited and valuable. I resolve to not view these times with an agenda but to keep it open for what is important to you.
3) I resolve to remember that ultimately you are not mine but God's. I will keep this in the forefront of my mind when we argue, when I am disappointed in a choice you have made, when your pursuits are not necessarily what I would have chosen for you. I will remember He is doing a mighty work in you too and it is my job to not stand in the way of your victories.
4) I resolve to continue to love your Dad. Your dad is my hero, too. I will spend time with him with out feeling guilty because I am not with you. I will be there for you when you need me too. It is the best gift I can give you to have a happy marriage and happy dad.
5) I resolve to show you more this year how to give back to others. It may mean stepping out of our box. It may mean feeling a little wierd but it will be worth it. God has blessed us in amazing ways and now it's our turn to pay it forward. I know you guys have great ideas about how to do this and I know you see needs that I don't. Please share those with me.
6) Last but not the least, actually the most important. I resolve to take care of myself physically, spiritually and emotionally. More exercise, less caffeine. More Bible, less facebook. More retreating and refreshing, less going full bore every day. In doing this so I can better care for you. When I am more in the Word I am less fearful which equals trusting God which equals me yelling less because something feels out of control. I hope that makes sense.
I love you and my prayer is that even more this year that you see I love being your mom. I pray that anyone who knows me will know that my family is my biggest blessing. "I prayed for this child and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." (1 Samuel 1:27) Help me to ALWAYS remember you are an answer to my prayers.
Love you guys,
mom
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