I had not really heard much talk about the end of the world, aka the Rapture, until this week. I guess I don't have any billboards here letting me know. I don't get too involved in all that because 1-In Matthew 24, Jesus clearly states that no one but the Father knows the day or the hour and 2-I am secure in my salvation.
So it's not the prediction that bothers me, it is the response I have been seeing to it. This post if for those of you who are not in the number 2 category.
How does one receive salvation? I say receive because you can't "get" it. It's a gift from God. It is a gift of forgiveness for EVERY sin you have committed. It is a gift of grace, undeserved favor, because we will never get it exactly right. Salvation is not a list of "don'ts" and "dos." The choices we make will be from an outpouring of love for Him after we spend time with Jesus in his Word and with other believers.
What starts as a decision culminates into a love relationship, that like any relationship takes time to develop. It takes time to fully embrace Jesus' love for us. It takes time fully give that back to him. It is a lifelong process. It is a lifetime of victories and shortcomings. No one is perfect, not one. That's why the Bible says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."-Romans 8:1.
But since God didn't make us robots, he gave us free will, he wants us to choose Him. How do you do that? So it's not hard. Jesus doesn't ask from us more than we can give. It's as simple as confessing "Jesus I am a sinner. I have screwed up in so many ways." repenting "I am sorry. I want a new thing in my life. " and believing "I believe that you are the only one who can save me. Thank you that you loved me so much you died for me." And that's it. I am sure you will have more to say once you realize you are talking to the Living God. But that's all. Just confess, repent, and ask, then know that He has heard you and you are saved.
Sometimes we get caught in a lie of "Well you did that once but you screwed up so much it doesn't count." or "Did you really mean it when you prayed that in a "weak" moment?" My answer is yes. In Ephesians 1 it says we are SEALED in our salvation. It means we can't lose it. It can't be taken away from us. So if you have been saved but you are living a life with shame. You can go back to the Father. He knows your name. He remembers you and He loves you. Like the father in the story of the prodigal son He's running toward you right now if you would just look up. Confess it, ask for forgiveness and know that the slate is wiped clean. Receive His love and grace.
I am not going to say anymore because I don't want to overwhelm. If you have questions, I would be happy to try and answer them or I may forward them on to a more knowledgeable source. Email me at joyf72@gmail.com
Take care and have a blessed, secure day.
joy
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Expectations can kill relationships
I read recently a simple phrase that turned me on my ear and it rings frequently in my head these days-"Expectations can kill relationships." I don't know how this hits you but it hits me square. Let me give you a few examples of where I've seen this happen.
A special birthday or holiday comes and everyone wants that day to be special for that person. So every one bends over backwards to make that happen. All of a sudden in the throws of it human flaws get thrown in and the perfection ends. And it all goes down the tubes . Right? We expect a perfect day and throw in imperfect people. It doesn't work.
Another example, a big day going to a theme park, say Disney World, everyone is excited to go. However its chaos getting out the door. Everyone is a little tired because no one goes to bed on time. Parents expect the children to be grateful for this trip and to show their gratitude be sprouting angel wings and halos. Children expect the siblings around them to be quiet, not touch them, not breathe too loud. The children expect the car ride to be shorter. Now that's a powder keg on wheels. Things can start to fall apart within 5 minutes of being in the car.
A trip is planned. Friends and family gather. Each and everyone comes with a different expectation. Some want to relax. Some want to spend time catching up and making memories. Some want to see the sites. Some just want everything to be perfect with blue skies and sunshine because how often to we get to really take a break from life? But then we throw life in there. It rains. And we stress, and we hurt and we don't know why. It's because our expectations haven't been met.
A spouse who doesn't meet our every need without our asking. Doesn't read our minds. Doesn't think of things the way we do. Messes up in little and big ways. Some people are so upset that their expectations haven't been met, they walk away from all of it thinking that another human will do a better job. They won't.
No other human can meet all of our needs. We put on our spouse to meet the needs that only God can fill. Our security comes from Him. Our joy comes from Him. Our identity is in Him. Our peace is in Him.
The only way we can deal with other people not meeting our expectations is first to recognize that this is what you are doing. Ask yourself "Am I asking too much of this flawed human?" "Have I clearly stated what I need or am I just assuming they know?" Second, remember grace. God gives us new mercies every morning. He loves us in our highest highs and our lowest lows. He knows the deepest parts of our hearts. If the Creator of the Universe cared enough to sacrifice His own Son for all my screw ups, who am I to withhold forgiveness? Who am I to deny grace? Who am I to demand my every need, want, desire, and expectation is met? Pitiful. That's what I am.
Jesus, I am humbled as I type and as I realize all the ways my expectations have hurt relationships with family and friends. I am thankful that you are Jehovah Rapha-the God who heals. Bind the wounds, Jesus. You heal our broken hearts and bind our wounds. (Psalm 147:3). Thank you for giving me to eyes to see this now give me what I need to give grace, love, and patience as I go forward. Pour it into me Father. Fill me up. Place a hedge of protection around all of those praying this with me. Give us a the sword of your Word for when the enemy tries to attack. I pray this all in your mighty and powerful Name.
Never give up,
joy
A special birthday or holiday comes and everyone wants that day to be special for that person. So every one bends over backwards to make that happen. All of a sudden in the throws of it human flaws get thrown in and the perfection ends. And it all goes down the tubes . Right? We expect a perfect day and throw in imperfect people. It doesn't work.
Another example, a big day going to a theme park, say Disney World, everyone is excited to go. However its chaos getting out the door. Everyone is a little tired because no one goes to bed on time. Parents expect the children to be grateful for this trip and to show their gratitude be sprouting angel wings and halos. Children expect the siblings around them to be quiet, not touch them, not breathe too loud. The children expect the car ride to be shorter. Now that's a powder keg on wheels. Things can start to fall apart within 5 minutes of being in the car.
A trip is planned. Friends and family gather. Each and everyone comes with a different expectation. Some want to relax. Some want to spend time catching up and making memories. Some want to see the sites. Some just want everything to be perfect with blue skies and sunshine because how often to we get to really take a break from life? But then we throw life in there. It rains. And we stress, and we hurt and we don't know why. It's because our expectations haven't been met.
A spouse who doesn't meet our every need without our asking. Doesn't read our minds. Doesn't think of things the way we do. Messes up in little and big ways. Some people are so upset that their expectations haven't been met, they walk away from all of it thinking that another human will do a better job. They won't.
No other human can meet all of our needs. We put on our spouse to meet the needs that only God can fill. Our security comes from Him. Our joy comes from Him. Our identity is in Him. Our peace is in Him.
The only way we can deal with other people not meeting our expectations is first to recognize that this is what you are doing. Ask yourself "Am I asking too much of this flawed human?" "Have I clearly stated what I need or am I just assuming they know?" Second, remember grace. God gives us new mercies every morning. He loves us in our highest highs and our lowest lows. He knows the deepest parts of our hearts. If the Creator of the Universe cared enough to sacrifice His own Son for all my screw ups, who am I to withhold forgiveness? Who am I to deny grace? Who am I to demand my every need, want, desire, and expectation is met? Pitiful. That's what I am.
Jesus, I am humbled as I type and as I realize all the ways my expectations have hurt relationships with family and friends. I am thankful that you are Jehovah Rapha-the God who heals. Bind the wounds, Jesus. You heal our broken hearts and bind our wounds. (Psalm 147:3). Thank you for giving me to eyes to see this now give me what I need to give grace, love, and patience as I go forward. Pour it into me Father. Fill me up. Place a hedge of protection around all of those praying this with me. Give us a the sword of your Word for when the enemy tries to attack. I pray this all in your mighty and powerful Name.
Never give up,
joy
Friday, April 15, 2011
He turned my mourning into worship
It's that day again. It has come around every year since 2002 and every year I say "Has it really been that long?" It's the day my dad died and with him my chance for more memories with him died, the man who knew me the longest and loved me uncondtionally died, the opportunity to hear the words "I'm so proud of you" in the misty eyed, choked up way only he could say died, and my anchor was gone. And while I still mourn my loss from his death I have also gained blessings.
I have wanted to share something about me for a long time and how it related to my dad's death but I never know how to share it well as it seems sort of weird. But since this is my blog and my voice and it relates to his death and today is THE day I will go forward.
It has to do with worship, how it changed and how the death of my earthly father brought me closer to my heavenly Father. Here's the story.
We (my sisters and my mom and I) had the opportunity to talk with my dad several times before he died about what he wanted for mom, how he wanted to be remembered, what to do with his stuff, etc. But it was the night we talked about heaven that I will never, ever forget. I believe it was a Divine gift because it has brought so much healing.
We were all sitting around about a week and a half before he died. My dad was very clear mentally and was sitting in his chair and we were listening to the "Southern Gospel Hour" on the radio on that Sunday evening. The hospice nurse had given us some questions and so I asked him if we could talk about them. He agreed and so we started. We got to the question of "What do you think heaven will be like?" and we all happily imagined streets of gold, reunions, big feasts, big huge wood working shops (he loved wood working) and my dad sat quietly and listened to us then he said "I really don't know about all that. I can't even imagine. I will just worship Christ." And there was silence. I reflect and see what a holy moment it was.
My dad was never demonstrative in his worship but in our tradition we went to church twice on Sundays. My mom worked every other weekend and after my sisters were all married and gone it was just Dad and I going to church in the morning and sharing the Psalter Hymnal. I loved to hear his voice when he sang his favorites "I will sing of My Redeemer," "What a Day that will be" "Great is thy Faithfulness". His voice would crack with emotions at times. He didn't sing loud or really well but he sang and that was his praise.
Anyway, fast forward to a few months after he died. I was driving around rural Iowa and flipping through the channels and I landed on a lady on a Christian radio station and she was talking about Revelations 4 which gives a picture of what heaven looks like. In verse 4 it refers to the 24 elders but what those 24 elders represent are believers who are REDEEMED and are wearing gold crowns of victory. And she said "If someone you love, who was saved, has died this is what the are doing. They are worshiping!" And I said to the radio "Yes they are." And I could not wait to get home to tell my husband because his mom had died 1 month before my dad. Here was HOPE and here was PROOF and I knew what they were doing at that moment! I didn't "lose" my dad, I knew where he was. In fact in Revelations 4:8 it says "Day and night they never stop saying: “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’who was, and is, and is to come."
So to my point. Up to that point in my life I was pretty uncomfortable with raising my hands in worship. But the Spirit had been tugging on me and moving my heart in worship. Sometimes the "tears of praise" would leak out and I knew that the Holy Spirit was moving. But after that realization of what my dad was doing I remember being in church and the song "Revelation Song" starting to play. And in my heart the chains of grief were loosened and the chains were really loosened around my hands because they went up, a little at first then a little more and a lot more. And I KNEW that my dad was doing the exact same thing at the moment and that was a blessing.
I don't think of my dad every time I raise hands in my worship. I think of my Heavenly Father. But when we sing "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD God Almighty who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings" I smile and the tears pour because I am right beside him again and we are worshiping Christ, together.
The Lord is my strength and my song;
he has given me victory.
This is my God, and I will praise him—
my father’s God, and I will exalt him! (Exodus 15:2)
thanks for listening,
joy
I have wanted to share something about me for a long time and how it related to my dad's death but I never know how to share it well as it seems sort of weird. But since this is my blog and my voice and it relates to his death and today is THE day I will go forward.
It has to do with worship, how it changed and how the death of my earthly father brought me closer to my heavenly Father. Here's the story.
We (my sisters and my mom and I) had the opportunity to talk with my dad several times before he died about what he wanted for mom, how he wanted to be remembered, what to do with his stuff, etc. But it was the night we talked about heaven that I will never, ever forget. I believe it was a Divine gift because it has brought so much healing.
We were all sitting around about a week and a half before he died. My dad was very clear mentally and was sitting in his chair and we were listening to the "Southern Gospel Hour" on the radio on that Sunday evening. The hospice nurse had given us some questions and so I asked him if we could talk about them. He agreed and so we started. We got to the question of "What do you think heaven will be like?" and we all happily imagined streets of gold, reunions, big feasts, big huge wood working shops (he loved wood working) and my dad sat quietly and listened to us then he said "I really don't know about all that. I can't even imagine. I will just worship Christ." And there was silence. I reflect and see what a holy moment it was.
My dad was never demonstrative in his worship but in our tradition we went to church twice on Sundays. My mom worked every other weekend and after my sisters were all married and gone it was just Dad and I going to church in the morning and sharing the Psalter Hymnal. I loved to hear his voice when he sang his favorites "I will sing of My Redeemer," "What a Day that will be" "Great is thy Faithfulness". His voice would crack with emotions at times. He didn't sing loud or really well but he sang and that was his praise.
Anyway, fast forward to a few months after he died. I was driving around rural Iowa and flipping through the channels and I landed on a lady on a Christian radio station and she was talking about Revelations 4 which gives a picture of what heaven looks like. In verse 4 it refers to the 24 elders but what those 24 elders represent are believers who are REDEEMED and are wearing gold crowns of victory. And she said "If someone you love, who was saved, has died this is what the are doing. They are worshiping!" And I said to the radio "Yes they are." And I could not wait to get home to tell my husband because his mom had died 1 month before my dad. Here was HOPE and here was PROOF and I knew what they were doing at that moment! I didn't "lose" my dad, I knew where he was. In fact in Revelations 4:8 it says "Day and night they never stop saying: “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’who was, and is, and is to come."
So to my point. Up to that point in my life I was pretty uncomfortable with raising my hands in worship. But the Spirit had been tugging on me and moving my heart in worship. Sometimes the "tears of praise" would leak out and I knew that the Holy Spirit was moving. But after that realization of what my dad was doing I remember being in church and the song "Revelation Song" starting to play. And in my heart the chains of grief were loosened and the chains were really loosened around my hands because they went up, a little at first then a little more and a lot more. And I KNEW that my dad was doing the exact same thing at the moment and that was a blessing.
I don't think of my dad every time I raise hands in my worship. I think of my Heavenly Father. But when we sing "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD God Almighty who was and is and is to come. With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings" I smile and the tears pour because I am right beside him again and we are worshiping Christ, together.
The Lord is my strength and my song;
he has given me victory.
This is my God, and I will praise him—
my father’s God, and I will exalt him! (Exodus 15:2)
thanks for listening,
joy
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
One Thousand Gifts
It feels like it's been more than 2 weeks since the last blog post. It's probably because I haven't been blogging exactly what's been going on in my world. I have said before that there's no point to this blog unless I attempt to be real. I honestly would like to do that but sometimes I have a hard time fleshing out what's "real", what's "emotional", what's "hormonal", etc, etc. I also get kind of tired of writing about the struggles.
I had hoped when I started this blog a year ago someone would be able to see a journey completed by now, a settling in, a fulfilment of sorts, a victorious woman. And this past month as that year mark came and went I struggled with why I am not "there yet." I feel like a failure of sorts.
Part of the lack of settling in is that the knowledge that the house we live in now is temporary. We want to live closer to the beach and when the kids get out of school that is our plan. By the way, please pray for wisdom and guidance for us as we look for the next place. God was so faithful in providing this place, I need to trust He will continue to provide exactly the place we need, when we need it. Let me back that up a little bit and go out on a limb. I worship a God who wants to give me the desires of my heart, not just what I "need." I am blessed and highly favored. I know he has a wonderful place in mind for us and it will more than meet our needs. Please pray that I keep that my focus and not let anxiety and the need to control take over.
But because we know we will be moving a little ways away (around 10 miles), it still feels like I am still in a transition. So I need to give myself a break. My head can understand that. But I am often times "heart led" so I take a beating pretty regularly. I should have "accomplished" more in a year. Ok, so you get what I've been battling.
So along comes a book, on the recommendation of my sister. It is One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. And all I can say is "Wow." God in His providence put this book in the hands of 2 of my sisters at the same time as me a couple of weeks before we were planning to get together for a long weekend. We were still reading it when we got together and so we had some chances to review and process a little bit. But none of us had finished it yet. I was able to read quite a bit on my way home and I told my sister "I don't know if the enemy was trying to keep me from this book before the trip, because I really needed it or if God wanted me to read it after." And she said it was probably the later because now my heart is teachable. So true.
Any way, I saw on google that the book was described as "Ann Voskamp invites us to slow down and celebrate a lifestyle of gratitude." And I all I could think was "I don't think so." This woman has a marriage, 6 kids, a farm and DESIRE to see God. I don't think she would describe her journey as "slowed down." Her journey started when a friend dares her to write down 1000 gifts God has given her. It takes her quite awhile but she gets it done and allows herself to learn so much more along the way.
Gratitude is not a "new" thing. I mean even Oprah had a thing a few years ago about the atitude of gratitude. No, this is different.
I took a few notes in my journal as I wrote and these are a few of the "clips" fiom the first couple of chapters.
Writing down opens our eyes to the little things, its reflecting on what we've been given.
All is grace
Eucharisteo (giving thanks) always, always, precedes the miracle.
"When he (Jesus) was at the table with them, he took the bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them."
And that's just the first chapter or two. Then she peels it back, layer by layer and talks about time, grace, anger, worship, anxiety, humility, culminating to our union with God. Oh my goodness, do I recommend this book? YES. If you can stand it. It's not a light read. It's not a plow through in a few days and forget about it. Buy the book , no, buy 2, one for a friend and buy a journal with it. Don't miss the message God is giving in this book.
It occured to me this morning that the difference between me now and me one year ago is that one year ago all I could do was give thanks. And it wasn't thanks for the big things, it was thanks for the little things. Because we came down here with nothing but each other and trusting God to provide. He did. Today I wake up and it's a beautiful day and all I can think about is how pathetic I am. I need to stop and open my eyes and LOOK and see all the gifts He is giving me today. I need to live in the moment.
Father God, I am asking you, to help me with this. Show me the next steps. Open the eyes of my heart wide open to see your grace, your mercy, your gifts. I feel like there is a little wall around my heart and it's only you who can break that down. I need your grace, I need to know every day that you are all I need. But here's the deal, I need to know it not just when I am alone and in my time with you I NEED to know it when the kids are screaming, the laundry is sky high, the attitudes are foul. I NEED to know it when I am slammed hard at work and patients are sick and hurting and families are needing and ambulances are coming. I need to see the "Ugly Beautiful." Jesus, I NEED it when I am so sick and so tired I don't want to get out of bed, when I am scared and anxious. I need to bend the knee and open my hand to receive what you are giving instead of standing with clenched fists and trying to control everything. I need to see your glory. I need to see your gifts. Help me Father. Thank you Jesus for Ann Voskamp and the story you gave her. Thank you for her willingness to share her story and for her honesty. May your continue to use your Word and her book to give others hope.
All is grace,
joy
I had hoped when I started this blog a year ago someone would be able to see a journey completed by now, a settling in, a fulfilment of sorts, a victorious woman. And this past month as that year mark came and went I struggled with why I am not "there yet." I feel like a failure of sorts.
Part of the lack of settling in is that the knowledge that the house we live in now is temporary. We want to live closer to the beach and when the kids get out of school that is our plan. By the way, please pray for wisdom and guidance for us as we look for the next place. God was so faithful in providing this place, I need to trust He will continue to provide exactly the place we need, when we need it. Let me back that up a little bit and go out on a limb. I worship a God who wants to give me the desires of my heart, not just what I "need." I am blessed and highly favored. I know he has a wonderful place in mind for us and it will more than meet our needs. Please pray that I keep that my focus and not let anxiety and the need to control take over.
But because we know we will be moving a little ways away (around 10 miles), it still feels like I am still in a transition. So I need to give myself a break. My head can understand that. But I am often times "heart led" so I take a beating pretty regularly. I should have "accomplished" more in a year. Ok, so you get what I've been battling.
So along comes a book, on the recommendation of my sister. It is One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. And all I can say is "Wow." God in His providence put this book in the hands of 2 of my sisters at the same time as me a couple of weeks before we were planning to get together for a long weekend. We were still reading it when we got together and so we had some chances to review and process a little bit. But none of us had finished it yet. I was able to read quite a bit on my way home and I told my sister "I don't know if the enemy was trying to keep me from this book before the trip, because I really needed it or if God wanted me to read it after." And she said it was probably the later because now my heart is teachable. So true.
Any way, I saw on google that the book was described as "Ann Voskamp invites us to slow down and celebrate a lifestyle of gratitude." And I all I could think was "I don't think so." This woman has a marriage, 6 kids, a farm and DESIRE to see God. I don't think she would describe her journey as "slowed down." Her journey started when a friend dares her to write down 1000 gifts God has given her. It takes her quite awhile but she gets it done and allows herself to learn so much more along the way.
Gratitude is not a "new" thing. I mean even Oprah had a thing a few years ago about the atitude of gratitude. No, this is different.
I took a few notes in my journal as I wrote and these are a few of the "clips" fiom the first couple of chapters.
Writing down opens our eyes to the little things, its reflecting on what we've been given.
All is grace
Eucharisteo (giving thanks) always, always, precedes the miracle.
"When he (Jesus) was at the table with them, he took the bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them."
And that's just the first chapter or two. Then she peels it back, layer by layer and talks about time, grace, anger, worship, anxiety, humility, culminating to our union with God. Oh my goodness, do I recommend this book? YES. If you can stand it. It's not a light read. It's not a plow through in a few days and forget about it. Buy the book , no, buy 2, one for a friend and buy a journal with it. Don't miss the message God is giving in this book.
It occured to me this morning that the difference between me now and me one year ago is that one year ago all I could do was give thanks. And it wasn't thanks for the big things, it was thanks for the little things. Because we came down here with nothing but each other and trusting God to provide. He did. Today I wake up and it's a beautiful day and all I can think about is how pathetic I am. I need to stop and open my eyes and LOOK and see all the gifts He is giving me today. I need to live in the moment.
Father God, I am asking you, to help me with this. Show me the next steps. Open the eyes of my heart wide open to see your grace, your mercy, your gifts. I feel like there is a little wall around my heart and it's only you who can break that down. I need your grace, I need to know every day that you are all I need. But here's the deal, I need to know it not just when I am alone and in my time with you I NEED to know it when the kids are screaming, the laundry is sky high, the attitudes are foul. I NEED to know it when I am slammed hard at work and patients are sick and hurting and families are needing and ambulances are coming. I need to see the "Ugly Beautiful." Jesus, I NEED it when I am so sick and so tired I don't want to get out of bed, when I am scared and anxious. I need to bend the knee and open my hand to receive what you are giving instead of standing with clenched fists and trying to control everything. I need to see your glory. I need to see your gifts. Help me Father. Thank you Jesus for Ann Voskamp and the story you gave her. Thank you for her willingness to share her story and for her honesty. May your continue to use your Word and her book to give others hope.
All is grace,
joy
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Dots and Stars
Report cards came out yesterday. As it is the 3rd quarter and everyone is passing I am pleased. The kids are doing solid work and really trying hard so I am proud of them. It got me thinking though that I am glad as a grown up I don't have a quarterly report card. I have a yearly evaluation at work I guess but I am not graded day to day. Right? Then I realized maybe that's not so true in my life. Truth is my bosses could give me a horrible evaluation and that would be awful but it wouldn't be nearly as scathing as the one going on in my head some days.
Have you ever heard of the children's story by Max Lucado "You are Special"? It's a story about Wemmicks. Wemmicks were notorious for placing dots and stars on people. If you did well or looked good or had talent you got stars. If you were awkward, did poorly or were unsuccessful you got gray dots. There was one little guy, Punchinello, who got LOTS of dots. He had so many he just kind of stayed away from people for fear of more dots. He meets a girl, Lucia, one day who has no dots or stars and he asks her why she had no dots or stars. She says she goes to visit her Maker, Eli everyday. So Punchinello goes to visit Eli and they have a conversation but there is one quote in there that stays in my heart. Punchinello wants to know why the stickers don't stick on the Lucia. And Eli says to him "Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what anyone else thinks. The stickers only stick if you let them."
Oh I love that. I so needed that reminder. These days the gray dots have been so thick on me. No one but me has stuck them on me. They stick every time I compare myself to someone else, try to achieve a standard for myself that's not possible, expect things from my family that are unrealistic. The are so tight around me I can't breath at times. I have been afraid to go to new places for fear everyone will see my dots. I thought it was anxiety but now I can see that they are mostly dumb dots.
So I found Galatians 6:4-5 this morning and it gave me comfort "Don't be impressed with yourself. [I read this and think, Don't think about yourself so much].Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."
In this Lenten season I am also reminded that Jesus Christ came to this earth, suffered horribly, died and then ROSE AGAIN so I could have life abundant. He didn't make me or you to get to bogged down in dots or stars. He came so that we would be loved by Him and then show His love to others. I know it seems too simple but that's it.
I'm not going to deny that anxiety and fear aren't real and that all of us deal with that but that's for another day. I am still processing all that for myself. Pray for me. :)
Have a blessed day.
"...they only stick if you let them..."
joy
Have you ever heard of the children's story by Max Lucado "You are Special"? It's a story about Wemmicks. Wemmicks were notorious for placing dots and stars on people. If you did well or looked good or had talent you got stars. If you were awkward, did poorly or were unsuccessful you got gray dots. There was one little guy, Punchinello, who got LOTS of dots. He had so many he just kind of stayed away from people for fear of more dots. He meets a girl, Lucia, one day who has no dots or stars and he asks her why she had no dots or stars. She says she goes to visit her Maker, Eli everyday. So Punchinello goes to visit Eli and they have a conversation but there is one quote in there that stays in my heart. Punchinello wants to know why the stickers don't stick on the Lucia. And Eli says to him "Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what anyone else thinks. The stickers only stick if you let them."
Oh I love that. I so needed that reminder. These days the gray dots have been so thick on me. No one but me has stuck them on me. They stick every time I compare myself to someone else, try to achieve a standard for myself that's not possible, expect things from my family that are unrealistic. The are so tight around me I can't breath at times. I have been afraid to go to new places for fear everyone will see my dots. I thought it was anxiety but now I can see that they are mostly dumb dots.
So I found Galatians 6:4-5 this morning and it gave me comfort "Don't be impressed with yourself. [I read this and think, Don't think about yourself so much].Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."
In this Lenten season I am also reminded that Jesus Christ came to this earth, suffered horribly, died and then ROSE AGAIN so I could have life abundant. He didn't make me or you to get to bogged down in dots or stars. He came so that we would be loved by Him and then show His love to others. I know it seems too simple but that's it.
I'm not going to deny that anxiety and fear aren't real and that all of us deal with that but that's for another day. I am still processing all that for myself. Pray for me. :)
Have a blessed day.
"...they only stick if you let them..."
joy
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
cool drink of water
I need to make a disclaimer that first, I have a wonderful husband who ismy best friend. I never want to discount that relationship in my life. Second, I don't want anyone to think I am "alone" even when I sound "lonely." I am just a very relational person and also not a very patient person. I want relationships in Florida like I had in Iowa, NOW! I never anticipated that building new relationships would take time, trial and error and a few other things. I am just journaling this journey in case anyone else goes through these things too.
John 4:10-42 "If you knew the generosity of who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water."
The "Woman at the Well." I know there is something Jesus wants to show me through this woman. I think I am close. Here is what I know about this passage.
She came alone. She came to the well in the mid day hoping to avoid the other village ladies. She didn't need their condemning stares; she carried enough guilt on her own. After 5 husbands she was done with marriage but so she opted to "shack up" with the one she was with now. This was a woman with trust issues and "walls."
Ok, I get that. I understand about not wanting to get close to someone because you are afraid of how people will respond to you once they "really" get to know you. I make up others people's minds about me before I have ever told them my name. I have their answers in my mind before I ever ask them to do anything. I am begining to see why I need to take a look at this woman.
As she was drawing water from the well a man approached her, a Jewish man nonetheless. I can only guess at the trust issues she had with men. I am sure she came trying to avoid the village women but never thinking she would have to deal with a Jewish man who was trying to talk to her there.
How confusing for her as Jews did not talk to Samaritans in those days much less ask them for anything. And men in general did not speak to her unless they wanted something from her.
But she looked at him as she spoke. She saw his eyes seeing her and she knew something was different. But trust is not something that came easily so she questioned him. She questioned why he, a Jew, would talk to her, a Samaritan. She questioned how was he going to carry any of his special "living water" if he didn't have a bucket.
She says to him (and I paraphrase), "Give me some of this water so I never have to come back to this well again." Is she mocking him? Or does she really hate coming to the well? The well was where day to day "normal" business was carried out and on the inside she was screaming "My life is not normal!" The guilt, shame and hiding were becoming too much. She saw no way out.
She tried to steer the questions so she could deflect the attention from herself but Jesus had a purpose in mind for her.
He asked her about her husband but he knew her situation. She just needed to be face to face honest with her Savior. Sometimes we do that voluntarily but sometimes we need to be confronted. Laying it ALL out is the only way to have true freedom. In unveiling her dark past, he brought to light a woman.
My heart hurts for her in this moment. She doesn't know what he will say next. She was used to the tongue lashing, berating words, the scolding that inevitably came. And the people who usually dished that out didn't really know her and the most hidden places in her heart. They just judged her based on her circumstances. What was about to come from this man who seemed to know everything about her?
She tries to figure it out on her level, “Oh, you are a prophet." And then the fast talking begins she tries to deflect this intensity. "You Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place to worship, right?" I can see her mind in defense mode.
But Jesus uses all her questions and defenses to accomplish his purpose and that's her salvation.
He saw her and knew the truth about her and he loved her. He never saw her as hopeless or too far gone. He knew her potential as a disciple.
And he lays it out simply before her. He says to her "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God....That's the kind of people the Father is looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in worship."
He is telling her be truthful about yourself. Share your transformation, salvation story. When you are real, it's worship. When you worship, be real.
The woman left and became a witness. She went back to her town and "many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of this woman's testimony."
In the end I keep thinking about the woman who reached out to touch Jesus and she was healed and I contrast it with this woman. I am struck and on my knees thankful that Jesus did the reaching out. She did not see this coming.
Have you ever longed for someone to reach out to you? "Doesn't anyone see me?" There have been times reaching out hasn't always come when and how I hoped for it and that has bothered me. But then, when I least expect it I am blessed by some one who does reach out, who's following up on a struggle I shared with her, who's called just to check on me, who's invited me to hang out, who has offered me the cool, water of real, authentic, accepting relationship. His ways are much better than mine. Now if someone could just tatoo it on me so I would quit forgetting that.
Jesus, thank you that you still send people to break down our walls. It's hard and it hurts sometimes too Lord. But the reward is great. Help me to trust you and to let others see what's real in me. Help me to be a testimony the love and grace you've shown me. Jesus I am so thankful your water gets into the dry, desert places on my heart and makes a fertile soil for growth and love. Keep pouring it out Jesus so I can pour it out to others.
refreshed again by the Living Water.....
John 4:10-42 "If you knew the generosity of who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water."
The "Woman at the Well." I know there is something Jesus wants to show me through this woman. I think I am close. Here is what I know about this passage.
She came alone. She came to the well in the mid day hoping to avoid the other village ladies. She didn't need their condemning stares; she carried enough guilt on her own. After 5 husbands she was done with marriage but so she opted to "shack up" with the one she was with now. This was a woman with trust issues and "walls."
Ok, I get that. I understand about not wanting to get close to someone because you are afraid of how people will respond to you once they "really" get to know you. I make up others people's minds about me before I have ever told them my name. I have their answers in my mind before I ever ask them to do anything. I am begining to see why I need to take a look at this woman.
As she was drawing water from the well a man approached her, a Jewish man nonetheless. I can only guess at the trust issues she had with men. I am sure she came trying to avoid the village women but never thinking she would have to deal with a Jewish man who was trying to talk to her there.
How confusing for her as Jews did not talk to Samaritans in those days much less ask them for anything. And men in general did not speak to her unless they wanted something from her.
But she looked at him as she spoke. She saw his eyes seeing her and she knew something was different. But trust is not something that came easily so she questioned him. She questioned why he, a Jew, would talk to her, a Samaritan. She questioned how was he going to carry any of his special "living water" if he didn't have a bucket.
She says to him (and I paraphrase), "Give me some of this water so I never have to come back to this well again." Is she mocking him? Or does she really hate coming to the well? The well was where day to day "normal" business was carried out and on the inside she was screaming "My life is not normal!" The guilt, shame and hiding were becoming too much. She saw no way out.
She tried to steer the questions so she could deflect the attention from herself but Jesus had a purpose in mind for her.
He asked her about her husband but he knew her situation. She just needed to be face to face honest with her Savior. Sometimes we do that voluntarily but sometimes we need to be confronted. Laying it ALL out is the only way to have true freedom. In unveiling her dark past, he brought to light a woman.
My heart hurts for her in this moment. She doesn't know what he will say next. She was used to the tongue lashing, berating words, the scolding that inevitably came. And the people who usually dished that out didn't really know her and the most hidden places in her heart. They just judged her based on her circumstances. What was about to come from this man who seemed to know everything about her?
She tries to figure it out on her level, “Oh, you are a prophet." And then the fast talking begins she tries to deflect this intensity. "You Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place to worship, right?" I can see her mind in defense mode.
But Jesus uses all her questions and defenses to accomplish his purpose and that's her salvation.
He saw her and knew the truth about her and he loved her. He never saw her as hopeless or too far gone. He knew her potential as a disciple.
And he lays it out simply before her. He says to her "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God....That's the kind of people the Father is looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in worship."
He is telling her be truthful about yourself. Share your transformation, salvation story. When you are real, it's worship. When you worship, be real.
The woman left and became a witness. She went back to her town and "many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of this woman's testimony."
In the end I keep thinking about the woman who reached out to touch Jesus and she was healed and I contrast it with this woman. I am struck and on my knees thankful that Jesus did the reaching out. She did not see this coming.
Have you ever longed for someone to reach out to you? "Doesn't anyone see me?" There have been times reaching out hasn't always come when and how I hoped for it and that has bothered me. But then, when I least expect it I am blessed by some one who does reach out, who's following up on a struggle I shared with her, who's called just to check on me, who's invited me to hang out, who has offered me the cool, water of real, authentic, accepting relationship. His ways are much better than mine. Now if someone could just tatoo it on me so I would quit forgetting that.
Jesus, thank you that you still send people to break down our walls. It's hard and it hurts sometimes too Lord. But the reward is great. Help me to trust you and to let others see what's real in me. Help me to be a testimony the love and grace you've shown me. Jesus I am so thankful your water gets into the dry, desert places on my heart and makes a fertile soil for growth and love. Keep pouring it out Jesus so I can pour it out to others.
refreshed again by the Living Water.....
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
stop and sit with me for awhile
I have had a verse in my mind all month. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV). In my "old Bible" it's marked as a "favorite verse."
It's no wonder this verse has been on my heart. It has been really busy at work. On top of being really busy while I am there, there are extra hours open and so I feel compelled to work those to. Why? Because I work 3 12 hour days a week and I feel a little like a "slacker" so I pick up an extra shift (or 2) each week. At least that's the answer I give most people. If you dig a little deeper there's more to it.
Peel back the next layer you will find I come from a long line of hard workers. It is ingrained in me if you are healthy and able that is what you do, you work. It's a generational Dutch thing.
Peel back the next layer and you will find I have success at work and that validates me. People love you when you take care of them, most of the time. Some people will hate you no matter what but then I can love on them in a way Jesus would want me to and isn't that great too? What a great place to get validated on how helpful, wonderful, caring you are. Blah, blah, blah.
I work in the ER so my success is quick and my result are fast and I either a) send the patient on to someone else to care for or b) send them home. Check, check, done! It stands in stark constrast to home where dishes, kids papers and laundry pile up. And I feel like I am never done. My husband and kids have been great about helping and doing things for me and each other but then I feel GUILT because I can't do the "mom things". Ughhh. Anyone else starting to see how hopeless I am?
Go a little deeper and you will see the dark part. The part that is part greed, part fear. Part greed because I like a big, fat paycheck. I like being able to pay my bills when they are due. I like having some extra to do fun things with my family. Part fear because I look back to one year ago and that wasn't how it was and I NEVER want to go back there. So I work and I work and I work some more.
Here's what's strange. When we moved here, I didn't have a job for 6 weeks. I was in this state of dependence and not sure how God was going to work it out but I had to believe it. He'd brought us down here and I didn't have a back up plan. And he provided every day and gave us exactly what we needed when we needed it. Then I got a job and it was part time. I could work up to full time if I wanted but I had flexibility in that. I liked being a mom. God provided. And I was content.
Then about October I decided to go full time which included every other weekend. Why did I go full time? I could say because the insurance was cheaper if I was full time. But the truth is I couldn't see what God wanted to do with me and I was getting restless so I took over. I worked.
So I started full time, then I could work 1 extra day a payperiod, then 1 extra day a week, then "we need help can you come in?" So that's where I am now. Back where I was a year ago. Financially better, but emotionally, spiritually, relationally spent.
I have believed every lie. I worked out of fear. I worked so I could "take over for God." This is going to sound strange but I sometimes think I need to give God a break. I owe it to him for all He's done for me. He has so many to take care of and I am highly capable, healthy, and able bodied. I will work so He doesn't have to worry about me. He shouldn't have to take care of me all the time.
You can ask my husband, I am very difficult to take care of. I don't depend on others well. I don't ask for help. I am proud of my independence. My parents used to say "Joy's so independent." And that was my badge I wore proudly.
But in case you think I am a hopeless case I have done a few things differently this time around. 1) I recognized it. 2) I am putting it out there so if you know me and see me on a regular basis you can hold me accountable. Ask me "How's your schedule?" and "Have you taken a rest?" I will do it for you too if you want! 3) I have asked my husband to help me and keep me accountable to not let my schedule get out of hand anymore.
I am also keeping in front of me one of my favorite verses. Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Thank you for the tenderness of this offer to rest with you. I am thankful you are not a God who has us on a leash and tugs us this way or that way. Jesus, I am ready to recover my life. Today, I am back to walking and working with you. I have a feeling that you are the counter weight I need to balance this life again. You are my Jehovah Jireh and I trust you to meet ALL my needs. Thank you that the "unforced rhythms of grace" mean that I don't owe you anything. All I give to you is because I love you. Thank you for this time to sit with you. I am feeling lighter already. I pray that others will find real rest with you too. Thank you for this Sabbath. Praise you.
Thank you for taking the time to sit with me and rest.
Love you!
joy
It's no wonder this verse has been on my heart. It has been really busy at work. On top of being really busy while I am there, there are extra hours open and so I feel compelled to work those to. Why? Because I work 3 12 hour days a week and I feel a little like a "slacker" so I pick up an extra shift (or 2) each week. At least that's the answer I give most people. If you dig a little deeper there's more to it.
Peel back the next layer you will find I come from a long line of hard workers. It is ingrained in me if you are healthy and able that is what you do, you work. It's a generational Dutch thing.
Peel back the next layer and you will find I have success at work and that validates me. People love you when you take care of them, most of the time. Some people will hate you no matter what but then I can love on them in a way Jesus would want me to and isn't that great too? What a great place to get validated on how helpful, wonderful, caring you are. Blah, blah, blah.
I work in the ER so my success is quick and my result are fast and I either a) send the patient on to someone else to care for or b) send them home. Check, check, done! It stands in stark constrast to home where dishes, kids papers and laundry pile up. And I feel like I am never done. My husband and kids have been great about helping and doing things for me and each other but then I feel GUILT because I can't do the "mom things". Ughhh. Anyone else starting to see how hopeless I am?
Go a little deeper and you will see the dark part. The part that is part greed, part fear. Part greed because I like a big, fat paycheck. I like being able to pay my bills when they are due. I like having some extra to do fun things with my family. Part fear because I look back to one year ago and that wasn't how it was and I NEVER want to go back there. So I work and I work and I work some more.
Here's what's strange. When we moved here, I didn't have a job for 6 weeks. I was in this state of dependence and not sure how God was going to work it out but I had to believe it. He'd brought us down here and I didn't have a back up plan. And he provided every day and gave us exactly what we needed when we needed it. Then I got a job and it was part time. I could work up to full time if I wanted but I had flexibility in that. I liked being a mom. God provided. And I was content.
Then about October I decided to go full time which included every other weekend. Why did I go full time? I could say because the insurance was cheaper if I was full time. But the truth is I couldn't see what God wanted to do with me and I was getting restless so I took over. I worked.
So I started full time, then I could work 1 extra day a payperiod, then 1 extra day a week, then "we need help can you come in?" So that's where I am now. Back where I was a year ago. Financially better, but emotionally, spiritually, relationally spent.
I have believed every lie. I worked out of fear. I worked so I could "take over for God." This is going to sound strange but I sometimes think I need to give God a break. I owe it to him for all He's done for me. He has so many to take care of and I am highly capable, healthy, and able bodied. I will work so He doesn't have to worry about me. He shouldn't have to take care of me all the time.
You can ask my husband, I am very difficult to take care of. I don't depend on others well. I don't ask for help. I am proud of my independence. My parents used to say "Joy's so independent." And that was my badge I wore proudly.
But in case you think I am a hopeless case I have done a few things differently this time around. 1) I recognized it. 2) I am putting it out there so if you know me and see me on a regular basis you can hold me accountable. Ask me "How's your schedule?" and "Have you taken a rest?" I will do it for you too if you want! 3) I have asked my husband to help me and keep me accountable to not let my schedule get out of hand anymore.
I am also keeping in front of me one of my favorite verses. Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Thank you for the tenderness of this offer to rest with you. I am thankful you are not a God who has us on a leash and tugs us this way or that way. Jesus, I am ready to recover my life. Today, I am back to walking and working with you. I have a feeling that you are the counter weight I need to balance this life again. You are my Jehovah Jireh and I trust you to meet ALL my needs. Thank you that the "unforced rhythms of grace" mean that I don't owe you anything. All I give to you is because I love you. Thank you for this time to sit with you. I am feeling lighter already. I pray that others will find real rest with you too. Thank you for this Sabbath. Praise you.
Thank you for taking the time to sit with me and rest.
Love you!
joy
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