Where have I been?

I doubt there are too many people who follow this blog and have been wondering where I have been.  But I don't post for others really.  I mean I hope it helps and people can relate but mostly it's my "processing tool."  And I, for myself, need to acknowledge, "Where have I been?"  When I type, often the Holy Spirit gives me insight, I can not normally attain on my own.  When I am not typing the enemy has won a small victory because it means either a) I am too busy or distracted to be listening to what God has to say or b) I am isolating and hiding and can't hear what God has to say.  In this case both are true.  The busyness of the end of the school year, a trip out of state, and settling into a new job has kept me very distracted.  When I am distracted and "doing my own thing" the second thing happens.  I am not in the Word, I am not in frequent time with God and I start to unravel.  My patience wears thin, my frustration with little things mount, fear creeps in areas that God has already shown me He has in control.  And because of all these things I isolate and I believe the lies of self pity, doubt and fear. 
I recognized I was at this point most obviously this weekend.  The pastor from a church we have been going to invited us over for dinner with his wife and family.  I won't go into all the details but will say that they are a couple, who are our age, similar aged kids and similar interest (Beth Moore and golf!).  The conversation was great and it was wonderful to hear their story and to share some of ours.  But I found moments of  when I condemned myself at the end of the night as "sharing too much."  I believed the lie that "Well if they are going to reject me it might as well be now."  I was told once that when I do that I am like a leper who walks around shouting "Unclean! Go ahead and get close but you can't say you haven't been warned!"  I have also been told that usually what I percieve as "sharing too much" and drive people away most people just let it roll off of them and they will like me for me.  Sunday morning came around and it looked like we might not make it to church because Steve was getting held up at work.  I admit I was ok with that because I could not take the rejection outright.  I believed the lie of "Reject them before they reject you!"  But Steve hurried home and we made it.  Here is where God stepped in and stomped the enemies lies to smithereens.  We weren't there 5 minutes and the pastor's wife came up and invited me to dinner tonight with the group of ladies who had just finished a Beth Moore study.  If you read this post you know the isolation I have felt.  If you know me, you know that God has hand picked the perfect group of women for me to meet with on my first night out on my own here.  And I am thankful and overwhelmed by His love and His unique plan. 
And by the way, Steve is playing in a golf outing with the pastor and 2 other men at a fund raiser for an organization who connects people who are going through breast cancer.  It's called Breast Friends.   Again, unique to him as his mom died from breast cancer and she would have LOVED this idea (and the name!).
"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.  You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!"  (Psalm 139:1-7)  Amen
joy