As I started thinking about what I wanted to post today there were so many thoughts going on in my head.
• I thought maybe Nehemiah 4:14-"After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes."" Having a 13 year old in your home is challenging and a fight is unfortunately not uncommon, especially when he makes a few poor choices. I remembered this verse when I realized I didn't want to fight with him, I wanted to fight for him against an unseen enemy. This enemy isn't annoyed when we are getting to where God wants us, he gets MAD. So my mantra is "Fight for him, not with him." Satan will not have my family.
• When Steve and I were walking on Saturday morning, he pointed out this shell on the beach. I went to pick it up, expecting it to be a piece of a larger shell but when I picked it up, a whole perfect conch shell came out of the sand! It was amazing. First I thought, this is why God says "Get out of bed and walk with your husband." Then I got to thinking about 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." What we are seeing right now in life is temporary. It is such a tiny piece compared to what we will have in eternity.
• On Sunday morning, our pastor asked me to share a story about sharing love in the community. That's easy, I'm a nurse. It's how I roll. Riggghhhhtttt. Not so much, but I have witnessed God do some pretty cool things so I shared. We are going through a series about "God is..." and yesterday was "God is Love." The post below is what I read to everyone. But what's crazy is that God would have me, who just a few years ago reeled at the question "How do you know God loves you, Joy?" speak at this particular service. This didn't occur to me until the worship time because all week I had been dealing with the above mentioned teenage. My main concern was sharing about being loving in my job but feeling I was doing a lousy job of being loving at home. That is a whole other post.
• Yesterday, we took our kids to lunch at a new restaurant Steve and I thought was really great when we went to it. Actually restaurant isn't the right word, beach shack, maybe. Anyway, we were so excited and 3 of the kids did not love it. They were not great, they were, well, awful. It was a miserable experience. It wasn't that they didn't like the place. It was how they acted. They want all these "grown up things" like cell phones, tvs, facebook, etc. And yet they still act like kids. As if! I know they are just kids. I also know it's me who has given them those privileges (except not for the teenager right now!). I was just thinking that must be what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 "Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?" Regarding the teenager (again!) I have been worldlier this week than spiritual. I am working on it and we are working through it together. I am thankful to be blessed with a son that has a large measure of forgiveness and grace built in to him.
So that's what I've been thinking about. So many things that seem "little" but I think it's all about what we choose to see in life. We can see the struggle or we can chose to see what God wants to teach us about Him or ourselves. We can convince ourselves we are alone or we can choose to see His presence in the little things.
I pray that all of you will have eyes to see and ears to hear the message God wants you to see and hear today.
Love you,
joy
Monday, September 27, 2010
The story I shared at GC
During the worship time, I reflected on how funny God is to have me talk on a day the sermon is titled "God is Love." This has been the aspect of God, as I look on my journey that sticks out the most. It is the attribute of God that has been most elusive and the most powerful. I can accept He is sovereign, mighty, omnipotent, strong, omnipresent. I could go on and on. But love? That is some thing I have just in the last few years been able to embrace and to accept that He loves me, always.
I have the unique opportunity in my profession as a nurse to witness people at their best and people at their worst. It is my goal to try and care for each patient the way I would want my family, my mom or myself to be treated. I try to remember that each person matters to someone and even if they don’t have a loved one present they matter to God.
My 15 years as a nurse have given me to opportunities to bless others but more frequently it is I who am blessed.
Since moving down here a little over 6 months ago, the feeling of being on an island without connections has sometimes been overwhelming. I came from a small town, a huge family and a network of friends had known most of my life. While I missed the family and friends, I think I missed seeing a familiar face at the grocery store even more. This is how God blessed me when I was able to show His love through my job.
Because of privacy rules, I don’t feel comfortable sharing any names. If you want to know who the other member of this church was in this story, stick around for the second service because that is when she is going to share about this day.
I was taking care of a pleasant elderly lady in the emergency room one day and as I do with a lot of my patients I had spent a fair amount of time just listening to her and talking with her. She had shared with me that she did not have any family here but a god daughter and she would be coming soon. I love hearing people’s stories. I believe everyone has a story and God is using all of our stories together for a reason. And I think that by listening to them you show a person that they are significant.
I was doing some task in the room when the god daughter had arrived and registration was in there taking her information. The registration clerk asked her if she would like to list a church and the lady told her god daughter “Let’s list yours.” The daughter said “Ok, Grace Church.” And I stopped and quickly thought “Are there two Grace Churches?” So there was only one way I knew to differentiate and I said “Do you mean the one that meets at the movie theater?” And she smiled and said “Yes!” And I said “I go to that church too!” That conversation was that simple. But it meant the world to me at the moment because I made a connection with someone. It also opened up the door for this lady to share more about her faith with me and her feelings about her illness.
The story itself would be cool enough if it stopped there. But at the same time in my section we had a young lady who had been in a family dispute with a sibling and many poor choices were made and she ended up in our ER. It took awhile for the mom to come in but when she got there, wow, I think her daughter was wishing she didn’t. That mom walked in that room, shut the door and began a tirade of a mother who had a long, hot summer with her kids. I am sure this wasn’t the first round of drama she had to deal with. You could hear her quite plainly even though the door was shut. Everyone could hear her. She never put those kids down or berated them. She never swore. She was just hot mad at the choices they had made and wanted to point out very plainly that she had warned them and would have no more of it. I think it went of for at least 20 minutes, maybe longer. A few people asked if we were going to call security but there was never a reason to.
That mom finally came out of that room to pull herself together and when she came back in she passed my patients room. Somehow, someway, that mom ended up in there, talking with my new sweet friend. I could hear bits of the conversation and the love of Jesus was shared.
As I think back on the day, I am so thankful that I wasn’t impatient or rushed when she wanted to talk and then when I learned of the connection to Grace I would be sweet. That’s not real.
I also think that lady felt God’s love and presence that day in a real way and was the right person to pour it out to this mom who needed it so much.
That’s how God’s love is. Once you get it and know how wide and high and deep and long it is like it says Ephesians 3:16. It will just spill out. It gives you peace, it makes you bold, and it puts you more in tune with the Holy Spirit’s promptings. You can not ever do the wrong thing when God asks you to show someone His love. It may feel weird or uncomfortable but its right and the blessing you receive will be amazing.
Believe me, I am not always the angel of mercy at work. I am not always patient and I don’t always love very well. Some people are sandpaper people who rub me the wrong way and God puts them in my path because He wants me to show love to all people, not just sweet little ladies. That’s easy to do. As I heard Beth Moore say once, “When you say about someone “They’re killing me! You can probably guess that God is using that person to kill something in you that is not from God.” Things like impatience or judgment or pride. So like every one I am still very much a work in progress.
So that’s my story, well one of them anyway. Oh and PS after I agreed to share this with you, I saw someone I knew at the grocery store. Thank you for letting me share.
I have the unique opportunity in my profession as a nurse to witness people at their best and people at their worst. It is my goal to try and care for each patient the way I would want my family, my mom or myself to be treated. I try to remember that each person matters to someone and even if they don’t have a loved one present they matter to God.
My 15 years as a nurse have given me to opportunities to bless others but more frequently it is I who am blessed.
Since moving down here a little over 6 months ago, the feeling of being on an island without connections has sometimes been overwhelming. I came from a small town, a huge family and a network of friends had known most of my life. While I missed the family and friends, I think I missed seeing a familiar face at the grocery store even more. This is how God blessed me when I was able to show His love through my job.
Because of privacy rules, I don’t feel comfortable sharing any names. If you want to know who the other member of this church was in this story, stick around for the second service because that is when she is going to share about this day.
I was taking care of a pleasant elderly lady in the emergency room one day and as I do with a lot of my patients I had spent a fair amount of time just listening to her and talking with her. She had shared with me that she did not have any family here but a god daughter and she would be coming soon. I love hearing people’s stories. I believe everyone has a story and God is using all of our stories together for a reason. And I think that by listening to them you show a person that they are significant.
I was doing some task in the room when the god daughter had arrived and registration was in there taking her information. The registration clerk asked her if she would like to list a church and the lady told her god daughter “Let’s list yours.” The daughter said “Ok, Grace Church.” And I stopped and quickly thought “Are there two Grace Churches?” So there was only one way I knew to differentiate and I said “Do you mean the one that meets at the movie theater?” And she smiled and said “Yes!” And I said “I go to that church too!” That conversation was that simple. But it meant the world to me at the moment because I made a connection with someone. It also opened up the door for this lady to share more about her faith with me and her feelings about her illness.
The story itself would be cool enough if it stopped there. But at the same time in my section we had a young lady who had been in a family dispute with a sibling and many poor choices were made and she ended up in our ER. It took awhile for the mom to come in but when she got there, wow, I think her daughter was wishing she didn’t. That mom walked in that room, shut the door and began a tirade of a mother who had a long, hot summer with her kids. I am sure this wasn’t the first round of drama she had to deal with. You could hear her quite plainly even though the door was shut. Everyone could hear her. She never put those kids down or berated them. She never swore. She was just hot mad at the choices they had made and wanted to point out very plainly that she had warned them and would have no more of it. I think it went of for at least 20 minutes, maybe longer. A few people asked if we were going to call security but there was never a reason to.
That mom finally came out of that room to pull herself together and when she came back in she passed my patients room. Somehow, someway, that mom ended up in there, talking with my new sweet friend. I could hear bits of the conversation and the love of Jesus was shared.
As I think back on the day, I am so thankful that I wasn’t impatient or rushed when she wanted to talk and then when I learned of the connection to Grace I would be sweet. That’s not real.
I also think that lady felt God’s love and presence that day in a real way and was the right person to pour it out to this mom who needed it so much.
That’s how God’s love is. Once you get it and know how wide and high and deep and long it is like it says Ephesians 3:16. It will just spill out. It gives you peace, it makes you bold, and it puts you more in tune with the Holy Spirit’s promptings. You can not ever do the wrong thing when God asks you to show someone His love. It may feel weird or uncomfortable but its right and the blessing you receive will be amazing.
Believe me, I am not always the angel of mercy at work. I am not always patient and I don’t always love very well. Some people are sandpaper people who rub me the wrong way and God puts them in my path because He wants me to show love to all people, not just sweet little ladies. That’s easy to do. As I heard Beth Moore say once, “When you say about someone “They’re killing me! You can probably guess that God is using that person to kill something in you that is not from God.” Things like impatience or judgment or pride. So like every one I am still very much a work in progress.
So that’s my story, well one of them anyway. Oh and PS after I agreed to share this with you, I saw someone I knew at the grocery store. Thank you for letting me share.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
beautiful the mess we are....
On Sunday morning, my house was A MESS. I have been working alot the past few weeks and while everyone tries to help and get chores done (sort of) it still gets out of hand pretty quickly with 6 people and a dog under one roof. My dryer has not been working as it should. This was no suprise to me. My laundry facilities never have worked well. It can take me hours to wash and dry a load. It's painful. So I had MOUNTAINS of laundry everywhere. Now I am not really picky about my house, but when it gets to that state I start getting anxious and the little voice in me compares myself to what I think I know about other people. It can get really ugly in my head.
Now add to this that it is Sunday morning. I mentioned to my sweet husband that it is taking the dryer hours to dry anything so he seizes that moment to climb into the attic look down the vents. They are nasty. So I am called upon to bring the vacuum up the ladder to the attic so it can be vacuumed out and also receive the vents he has pulled apart to bring down the ladder and bang out the lint that has accumulated over who knows how long. Bring them back up the ladder, bring down the vacuum, hold the flashlight so he can put the vents back together, troubleshoot why aren't they fitting the way they did before they were pulled apart, hold the ladder so he can climb back down. (Phew!) Soon it is 10 and church starts at 10:30 and after all this I really need church. :) So I scramble into the shower, fuss at the kids to get their shoes on, ask for the millionth time "Are you really going to wear that?" , walk out the door with wet hair and part of the make up on to put on in the car.
So we get in the car and it becomes this moment for some reason to discuss the bedroom of the oldest and youngest son and some of the nasty things I have discovered in the corners and drawers. Let the lecture begin! While my husband is giving his wisdom I turn on the radio and the first words that come out are "beautiful the mess we are...." Wow. And whether everyone intended to be or not, our car becomes silent. And all I thought, thank you Lord. I never thought about it like that.
You see, our family is chaos. I have felt like we have been kind of a joke because we are typically late, mismatched, clothes on backward, hair all over the place, loud, tore up house and car, full of drama. This really bothered me in the past. I hated to be thought of as "screw ups." (My words not anyone elses). If you think I am insecure when I compare myself with others, you should see how quickly the flame gets fanned when I start comparing my family to others. It's like I set them on a scale to compare and contrast and my family always came up short.
This is one of the reasons this move has really helped our family. When you don't know anyone, you can't compare yourself and when no one knows you, you can't care what they think. God has been helping me weed this out of me now in this season so that as we do develop those relationships here, I can be confident in my family and what God made us to be...a beautiful mess. Ecclesiates 3:11 says "He has made everything beautiful in his time." (Emphasis mine) And sometimes He doesn't have to make it beautiful, He just opens our eyes to it's beauty at the right time.
You see, we are still late, our house is tore up, we are loud, there is always drama, we screw up, sometimes in big ways. There have been nights where my prayer before dinner has been "Jesus, tonight really sucks. We really need your help. We need You." We are never going to be perfect. The best I can hope for is that we are real. But Jesus is perfect and He can redeem any situation, any conflict, any drama. He can help us pray, cry and laugh our ways through it. Our "mess" has brought us closer to each other and closer to Him. And that is a beautiful place to be.
In Christ, my Redeemer,
joy
Now add to this that it is Sunday morning. I mentioned to my sweet husband that it is taking the dryer hours to dry anything so he seizes that moment to climb into the attic look down the vents. They are nasty. So I am called upon to bring the vacuum up the ladder to the attic so it can be vacuumed out and also receive the vents he has pulled apart to bring down the ladder and bang out the lint that has accumulated over who knows how long. Bring them back up the ladder, bring down the vacuum, hold the flashlight so he can put the vents back together, troubleshoot why aren't they fitting the way they did before they were pulled apart, hold the ladder so he can climb back down. (Phew!) Soon it is 10 and church starts at 10:30 and after all this I really need church. :) So I scramble into the shower, fuss at the kids to get their shoes on, ask for the millionth time "Are you really going to wear that?" , walk out the door with wet hair and part of the make up on to put on in the car.
So we get in the car and it becomes this moment for some reason to discuss the bedroom of the oldest and youngest son and some of the nasty things I have discovered in the corners and drawers. Let the lecture begin! While my husband is giving his wisdom I turn on the radio and the first words that come out are "beautiful the mess we are...." Wow. And whether everyone intended to be or not, our car becomes silent. And all I thought, thank you Lord. I never thought about it like that.
You see, our family is chaos. I have felt like we have been kind of a joke because we are typically late, mismatched, clothes on backward, hair all over the place, loud, tore up house and car, full of drama. This really bothered me in the past. I hated to be thought of as "screw ups." (My words not anyone elses). If you think I am insecure when I compare myself with others, you should see how quickly the flame gets fanned when I start comparing my family to others. It's like I set them on a scale to compare and contrast and my family always came up short.
This is one of the reasons this move has really helped our family. When you don't know anyone, you can't compare yourself and when no one knows you, you can't care what they think. God has been helping me weed this out of me now in this season so that as we do develop those relationships here, I can be confident in my family and what God made us to be...a beautiful mess. Ecclesiates 3:11 says "He has made everything beautiful in his time." (Emphasis mine) And sometimes He doesn't have to make it beautiful, He just opens our eyes to it's beauty at the right time.
You see, we are still late, our house is tore up, we are loud, there is always drama, we screw up, sometimes in big ways. There have been nights where my prayer before dinner has been "Jesus, tonight really sucks. We really need your help. We need You." We are never going to be perfect. The best I can hope for is that we are real. But Jesus is perfect and He can redeem any situation, any conflict, any drama. He can help us pray, cry and laugh our ways through it. Our "mess" has brought us closer to each other and closer to Him. And that is a beautiful place to be.
In Christ, my Redeemer,
joy
Monday, September 13, 2010
Not Ashamed
"Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him." Psalm 124: 3 My kids give me lots of reasons to be proud. But perhaps the biggest reason I am proud of them is the priority Jesus, their church, and their faith is in their lives. It is as natural to them as breathing. They talk to their friends about what they believe. They freely share their beliefs and about the church they go to.
I was privileged to witness the day my two older boys "got saved." The three of us went to a Christian rock concert and in the middle they had a break and that was used as a time to talk about Jesus and then they asked everyone to pray and to pray along if they wanted Jesus to live in their heart. I remember hearing the sweet voice of this little girl near by and thought "How precious." Then they asked who ever prayed along to raise their hands. I can not explain the emotion I felt when I opened my eyes and saw both of their hands in the air. It was as powerful as anything I ever experienced. Then the Holy Spirit took over my mouth and I said to them "You boys asked Jesus into your heart today and in the Bible it says you are sealed in your salvation. No one or nothing can ever take it away." (Ephesians 1:13 check it out) The younger son smiled and tried to put into words what was filling his 9 year old spirit "That makes my heart feel good." As a mother I was given a gift that day. God has anointed them both in different ways.
The older son tries to walk his faith in everything. I know it is part of decisions and part of how he chooses who he will spend time with. It affects his music choices and his TV watching. He knows and states when I am not congruent with my words and my beliefs. He has been given a discernment gift and I pray God continues to cultivate that in him.
The younger child has been given a thirst for the Word. He has seen first hand the power and comfort it brings. It has brought him through anxious moments and has helped him articulate praise. I have checked on him late at night and saw his little blue Bible tucked under his arm while he slept.
My younger two children are still developing their gifts. I can see in my daughter a heart for people. She is so tender and will encourage you or cry with you. What ever is needed. My youngest has the best grasp of the unconditional love of Jesus. I believe this is probably the faith that Jesus talked about when he brought the children to him.
Let me say my kids are like this more in spite of me than because of me. You will never see me writing a parenting book or offering parenting advice to anyone. I give glory to God for blessing them with great extended family and churches who have shown them what a Christ life looks like and help keep them accountable. He has given me teachable moments and the Spirit to help me share with them what I am learning right along with them.
When I looked at my kids this weekend the verse that kept resounding in my heart was from Romans 1:16 "I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God, for the salvation of everyone who believes."
Jesus, hold them close to you. Thank you for giving me the privilege to be their mom. Help me to be the mom they need. Protect them, guide them, grow them to be the servants you would have them be.
Blessings,
joy
I was privileged to witness the day my two older boys "got saved." The three of us went to a Christian rock concert and in the middle they had a break and that was used as a time to talk about Jesus and then they asked everyone to pray and to pray along if they wanted Jesus to live in their heart. I remember hearing the sweet voice of this little girl near by and thought "How precious." Then they asked who ever prayed along to raise their hands. I can not explain the emotion I felt when I opened my eyes and saw both of their hands in the air. It was as powerful as anything I ever experienced. Then the Holy Spirit took over my mouth and I said to them "You boys asked Jesus into your heart today and in the Bible it says you are sealed in your salvation. No one or nothing can ever take it away." (Ephesians 1:13 check it out) The younger son smiled and tried to put into words what was filling his 9 year old spirit "That makes my heart feel good." As a mother I was given a gift that day. God has anointed them both in different ways.
The older son tries to walk his faith in everything. I know it is part of decisions and part of how he chooses who he will spend time with. It affects his music choices and his TV watching. He knows and states when I am not congruent with my words and my beliefs. He has been given a discernment gift and I pray God continues to cultivate that in him.
The younger child has been given a thirst for the Word. He has seen first hand the power and comfort it brings. It has brought him through anxious moments and has helped him articulate praise. I have checked on him late at night and saw his little blue Bible tucked under his arm while he slept.
My younger two children are still developing their gifts. I can see in my daughter a heart for people. She is so tender and will encourage you or cry with you. What ever is needed. My youngest has the best grasp of the unconditional love of Jesus. I believe this is probably the faith that Jesus talked about when he brought the children to him.
Let me say my kids are like this more in spite of me than because of me. You will never see me writing a parenting book or offering parenting advice to anyone. I give glory to God for blessing them with great extended family and churches who have shown them what a Christ life looks like and help keep them accountable. He has given me teachable moments and the Spirit to help me share with them what I am learning right along with them.
When I looked at my kids this weekend the verse that kept resounding in my heart was from Romans 1:16 "I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God, for the salvation of everyone who believes."
Jesus, hold them close to you. Thank you for giving me the privilege to be their mom. Help me to be the mom they need. Protect them, guide them, grow them to be the servants you would have them be.
Blessings,
joy
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Ouch
I know I just posted a couple of days ago. Admittedly that was a copy and paste from an old blog I'd done a year or so ago. My goal is to get a post every 7-10 days and I was feeling too busy and distracted to sit quietly and see what the Lord wanted to lay on me. Today He did it. An unexpected "bump" in my journey if you will. As usual, there's a back story.
If you read this blog you will know that a couple of posts ago a patient of mine said to me "You must have suffered." after I spoke with her about patience and suffering and somethings I had learned/experienced. I did not much like being told that. I am not a SUFFERER. Others do and that's ok. It's my job as a nurse to help people who suffer. It's ok for others but not for me. A little over a week ago my sister and I had lunch with our pastors at my church. I really wanted them to meet as they are all very important in my world. I was taken aback a bit when they were discussing me, my pastor said, "Joy is healing right now." What? What? WHAT? Who's healing? I don't need healing. I am FINE. Can't you hear me say it? I am F-I-N-E, fine. Healing is for those who are hurt, ill, injured, weak. I am none of those thank you much. I am doing quite well. Why would he think I need healing? How would he know I need healing?
Admittedly, I am quite a tamed down version of myself since the move. I've kind of had a sense that I don't let alot of people get close to me for awhile. In Iowa I had a tight family that surrounded me, an amazing church family and friends who knew me for years. They were all just always there and I was part the group.
I have felt like maybe I am in this wilderness season, this time of "on my own," for a reason. God is doing a transformation in me and while I thought I knew where He and I might be headed, I realize I am clueless. I think we like to think that the transformation God does to our hearts is quick and is small changes. He's gracious enough to change us sometimes in small ways but His ultimate goal is the whole enchilada. And once He has a hold and you surrender, He won't let go. So I am not trying to rush through it. But I am also realizing there is a fine line between that wilderness and self imposed exile. One is a place where God can work in the deep places and test His Word and the other is a place where I think I can hide and "be safe" from any hurts. And I am guilty on a regular basis of the later and with no accountability it's pretty easy.
Ok, to the point, this morning, was friends' of ours last service at our church. And it wasn't until I saw her and an unexpected powerful emotion rose up in me that I realized I was wounded. The emotion wasn't excitement for a "new adventure " for them. It was flash backs to our last service at our Iowa church and it was raw grief. I could have curled up and cried like it happened yesterday and not 6 months ago. I did not see this coming. When the tears flow as I type you can be assured I am being as real as I can be.
So here I am in front of Jesus saying "Ok, this move, this "new thing" has hurt more than I have allowed myself to feel. Being pulled up by your roots hurts. I have tried to focus on the blessings and they have been numerous and great. But I hurt, more that I would acknowledge and I need a healing. In my weakness, You are strong. And I am believing like the woman who reached out to just touch your robe I am reaching out and beleiving that the healing will come. If it means reaching out to others, show me how Lord. I'm not good at it. I get scared and nervous and have already listed their judgements of me in my head before I even say hello. I don't know what that looks like since this is new to me, Jesus. But I am believing you are the One who "heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." Bring the healing Jesus."
In Christ who loves us more fully than we know,
joy
If you read this blog you will know that a couple of posts ago a patient of mine said to me "You must have suffered." after I spoke with her about patience and suffering and somethings I had learned/experienced. I did not much like being told that. I am not a SUFFERER. Others do and that's ok. It's my job as a nurse to help people who suffer. It's ok for others but not for me. A little over a week ago my sister and I had lunch with our pastors at my church. I really wanted them to meet as they are all very important in my world. I was taken aback a bit when they were discussing me, my pastor said, "Joy is healing right now." What? What? WHAT? Who's healing? I don't need healing. I am FINE. Can't you hear me say it? I am F-I-N-E, fine. Healing is for those who are hurt, ill, injured, weak. I am none of those thank you much. I am doing quite well. Why would he think I need healing? How would he know I need healing?
Admittedly, I am quite a tamed down version of myself since the move. I've kind of had a sense that I don't let alot of people get close to me for awhile. In Iowa I had a tight family that surrounded me, an amazing church family and friends who knew me for years. They were all just always there and I was part the group.
I have felt like maybe I am in this wilderness season, this time of "on my own," for a reason. God is doing a transformation in me and while I thought I knew where He and I might be headed, I realize I am clueless. I think we like to think that the transformation God does to our hearts is quick and is small changes. He's gracious enough to change us sometimes in small ways but His ultimate goal is the whole enchilada. And once He has a hold and you surrender, He won't let go. So I am not trying to rush through it. But I am also realizing there is a fine line between that wilderness and self imposed exile. One is a place where God can work in the deep places and test His Word and the other is a place where I think I can hide and "be safe" from any hurts. And I am guilty on a regular basis of the later and with no accountability it's pretty easy.
Ok, to the point, this morning, was friends' of ours last service at our church. And it wasn't until I saw her and an unexpected powerful emotion rose up in me that I realized I was wounded. The emotion wasn't excitement for a "new adventure " for them. It was flash backs to our last service at our Iowa church and it was raw grief. I could have curled up and cried like it happened yesterday and not 6 months ago. I did not see this coming. When the tears flow as I type you can be assured I am being as real as I can be.
So here I am in front of Jesus saying "Ok, this move, this "new thing" has hurt more than I have allowed myself to feel. Being pulled up by your roots hurts. I have tried to focus on the blessings and they have been numerous and great. But I hurt, more that I would acknowledge and I need a healing. In my weakness, You are strong. And I am believing like the woman who reached out to just touch your robe I am reaching out and beleiving that the healing will come. If it means reaching out to others, show me how Lord. I'm not good at it. I get scared and nervous and have already listed their judgements of me in my head before I even say hello. I don't know what that looks like since this is new to me, Jesus. But I am believing you are the One who "heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." Bring the healing Jesus."
In Christ who loves us more fully than we know,
joy
Friday, September 3, 2010
No Fear
(This is an "archived" blog from some posts I posted on our women's blog for our chuch in Iowa.)
Thanks to Max Lucado's book Fearless who opened my eyes in a fresh way to this passage. Thank you to the Holy Spirit for his prompting and conviction.
Mark 4:35-41
Have you ever just been strolling through life marveling at all Jesus has done for you? Have you ever witnessed his healing and his miracles in your life or those around you?
Have you ever just felt like "Life is good, I am in God’s will, walking with Jesus, in tune with the Holy Spirit"? You feel like you know Jesus and his character and you trust him. What a sweet place to be. That is the place those disciples were before they got on that boat with Jesus. Now for Peter, James and John, as fishermen by trade, the boat was a natural place to be. For Matthew the tax collector, probably not so much, but he has committed to following Jesus so on to the deck he climbs.
It has been a long day and Jesus is obviously worn out. He finds a quiet spot under the stern and falls asleep. While he is sleeping a storm kicks up. It seems reasonable to think that as fishermen some of these men should be able to handle this right? This can’t be the first time they got caught in a storm. I can understand why Matthew is losing his cookies but the rest of them, come on. But the word that is used for this particular storm is seismos. Yup, as in earthquake, seismos. I wonder if it was like a typhoon. I don’t know that but I learned that the only other time that word is used is to refer to the earthquakes at Jesus’ death and resurrection. So this is pretty major. So the disciples looked at each other and said “Let’s wake up Jesus and he will fix this. Look at all we have seen him do thus far!” Right? WRONG! They wake him up with a frantic “We are drowning! Don’t you care?!?” Wow. I would like to get a little righteous indignation going about those disciples and say “Are you kidding? How could they say that to him? How can they so quickly forget all he has done?” and then the Spirit convicts and I get that feeling in my stomach that says. Ugh. Been there, done that.
Jesus gets up and says to the waves “Quiet! Be still!” and everything calms. I can’t help but think that if he had turned to the disciples and said the same thing the calm would have come. Maybe not in the storm, but in the disciples. What he does say to the disciples is “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Emphasis mine) I have read this passage several times lately but tonight God added the word “still” to my Bible. Here comes another Ugh.
Of course the disciples were terrified. Not only was there a fresh revelation about Jesus and His power there was an exposure of their hearts.
When the storms of life come you can plan that there will be a fresh revelation of God but also know that there will be an exposure of our heart. And what we see may frighten us. I praise Jesus that he didn’t get off the boat in the next chapter and say “You guys are worthless. I am going to find some other disciples who have more faith, who aren’t so afraid.” He didn’t do that with them and he doesn’t do it with us. He wants us to stay close to him and hear his teaching, see his healing, and knowing his love. He knew the wind and waves would obey because he created them. He knows how we are created, and he knows what he is creating us to be and he won’t give up on that. The only one who gives up is us. Hang in there sister.
Jesus, thank you for your love. Thank you that you never give up on us. Thank you for your awesome power to calm the storms or to calm your children. Give us hearts to receive the love and peace and calm that only comes from you. You are Elohim, our Creator. Amen
In Christ's love and peace,
joy
Thanks to Max Lucado's book Fearless who opened my eyes in a fresh way to this passage. Thank you to the Holy Spirit for his prompting and conviction.
Mark 4:35-41
Have you ever just been strolling through life marveling at all Jesus has done for you? Have you ever witnessed his healing and his miracles in your life or those around you?
Have you ever just felt like "Life is good, I am in God’s will, walking with Jesus, in tune with the Holy Spirit"? You feel like you know Jesus and his character and you trust him. What a sweet place to be. That is the place those disciples were before they got on that boat with Jesus. Now for Peter, James and John, as fishermen by trade, the boat was a natural place to be. For Matthew the tax collector, probably not so much, but he has committed to following Jesus so on to the deck he climbs.
It has been a long day and Jesus is obviously worn out. He finds a quiet spot under the stern and falls asleep. While he is sleeping a storm kicks up. It seems reasonable to think that as fishermen some of these men should be able to handle this right? This can’t be the first time they got caught in a storm. I can understand why Matthew is losing his cookies but the rest of them, come on. But the word that is used for this particular storm is seismos. Yup, as in earthquake, seismos. I wonder if it was like a typhoon. I don’t know that but I learned that the only other time that word is used is to refer to the earthquakes at Jesus’ death and resurrection. So this is pretty major. So the disciples looked at each other and said “Let’s wake up Jesus and he will fix this. Look at all we have seen him do thus far!” Right? WRONG! They wake him up with a frantic “We are drowning! Don’t you care?!?” Wow. I would like to get a little righteous indignation going about those disciples and say “Are you kidding? How could they say that to him? How can they so quickly forget all he has done?” and then the Spirit convicts and I get that feeling in my stomach that says. Ugh. Been there, done that.
Jesus gets up and says to the waves “Quiet! Be still!” and everything calms. I can’t help but think that if he had turned to the disciples and said the same thing the calm would have come. Maybe not in the storm, but in the disciples. What he does say to the disciples is “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Emphasis mine) I have read this passage several times lately but tonight God added the word “still” to my Bible. Here comes another Ugh.
Of course the disciples were terrified. Not only was there a fresh revelation about Jesus and His power there was an exposure of their hearts.
When the storms of life come you can plan that there will be a fresh revelation of God but also know that there will be an exposure of our heart. And what we see may frighten us. I praise Jesus that he didn’t get off the boat in the next chapter and say “You guys are worthless. I am going to find some other disciples who have more faith, who aren’t so afraid.” He didn’t do that with them and he doesn’t do it with us. He wants us to stay close to him and hear his teaching, see his healing, and knowing his love. He knew the wind and waves would obey because he created them. He knows how we are created, and he knows what he is creating us to be and he won’t give up on that. The only one who gives up is us. Hang in there sister.
Jesus, thank you for your love. Thank you that you never give up on us. Thank you for your awesome power to calm the storms or to calm your children. Give us hearts to receive the love and peace and calm that only comes from you. You are Elohim, our Creator. Amen
In Christ's love and peace,
joy
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