Monday, May 9, 2011

Expectations can kill relationships

I read recently a simple phrase that turned me on my ear and it rings frequently in my head these days-"Expectations can kill relationships."  I don't know how this hits you but it hits me square.  Let me give you a few examples of where I've seen this happen.
A special birthday or holiday comes and everyone wants that day to be special for that person.  So every one bends over backwards to make that happen.  All of a sudden in the throws of it human flaws get thrown in and the perfection ends.  And it all goes down the tubes .  Right?  We expect a perfect day and throw in imperfect people.  It doesn't work. 
Another example, a big day going to a theme park, say Disney World, everyone is excited to go.  However its chaos getting out the door.  Everyone is a little tired because no one goes to bed on time.  Parents expect the children to be grateful for this trip and to show their gratitude be sprouting angel wings and halos.  Children expect the siblings around them to be quiet, not touch them, not breathe too loud.  The children expect the car ride to be shorter. Now that's a powder keg on wheels.  Things can start to fall apart within 5 minutes of being in the car. 
A trip is planned.  Friends and family gather.  Each and everyone comes with a different expectation.  Some want to relax.  Some want to spend time catching up and making memories.  Some want to see the sites.  Some just want everything to be perfect with blue skies and sunshine because how often to we get to really take a break from life?  But then we throw life in there. It rains.  And we stress, and we hurt and we don't know why.  It's because our expectations haven't been met. 
A spouse who doesn't meet our every need without our asking.  Doesn't read our minds.  Doesn't think of things the way we do.  Messes up in little and big ways.  Some people are so upset that their expectations haven't been met, they walk away from all of it thinking that another human will do a better job.  They won't.
No other human can meet all of our needs.  We put on our spouse to meet the needs that only God can fill.  Our security comes from Him.  Our joy comes from Him.  Our identity is in Him.  Our peace is in Him. 
The only way we can deal with other people not meeting our expectations is first to recognize that this is what you are doing.  Ask yourself  "Am I asking too much of this flawed human?"  "Have I clearly stated what I need or am I just assuming they know?"  Second, remember grace.  God gives us new mercies every morning.  He loves us in our highest highs and our lowest lows.  He knows the deepest parts of our hearts.  If the Creator of the Universe cared enough to sacrifice His own Son for all my screw ups, who am I to withhold forgiveness?  Who am I to deny grace?  Who am I to demand my every need, want, desire, and expectation is met?  Pitiful.  That's what I am. 
Jesus, I am humbled as I type and as I realize all the ways my expectations have hurt relationships with family and friends.  I am thankful that you are Jehovah Rapha-the God who heals.  Bind the wounds, Jesus.  You heal our broken hearts and bind our wounds.  (Psalm 147:3).  Thank you for giving me to eyes to see this now give me what  I need to give grace, love, and patience as I go forward.  Pour it into me Father.  Fill me up.  Place a hedge of protection around all of those praying this with me.  Give us a the sword of your Word for when the enemy tries to attack.  I pray this all in your mighty and powerful Name. 
Never give up,
joy

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