A New Thing

I have a song in my head that we sang at our church in Iowa.  "God is doin a new thing, a new thing in my life..."  It's got a great tune and when I was there and we sang it I would bounce and smile and think "Yes, a new thing is good. He is doing new things in my life."  I didn't know what those were but I knew that the new had to be better than the old things I was trying to accomplish.  Let me just say it looked good from a distance. 
Fast forward to 1300 miles away God has definately given me a new thing.  What I didn't know is that when He did I would look at him and say "What?  What do you want me to do with this?  This is not what I thought you created me to be. I don't know what this is."
 Let me see if I can give a little background.  When we lived in Iowa, I felt that I was following His plan for my life.  I was trying to see where he was leading and I was trying to follow.  I was in a job I felt like I was made for.  I was on the school board and I felt like He laid that on my heart years befor I ran. It was a stepping stone to the next thing I thought He was bringing me to in some form of public service.  I was a part of a strong support network of family and friends who were God with skin on to me more times than I can even say.   I was in a leadership class and a mentoring relationship.  All good stuff!!!  Stuff I did not want to leave or let go of. 
In hindsight I can see that the job was consuming me-my time, my energy and emotions.   It was fast becoming apparent that in my current state I could not devote to the school board what it needed.  My private struggles were becoming to big to even share with those closest to me.  There was a disconnect between who I was a mom, a wife, a sister, a friend and who I felt like on the inside.  I know that my heart was genuine in love for everyone but it was also hurting and gettting good at hiding.  I know that my motivations for what I did were well intended and truly believed I was following God's path but will confess that pride and my need to be credible and admired for my accomplishments were also a part of it as well.
So like my computer yesterday, I got "reinstalled."  Basically a blank slate.  The necessities are there-Steve and the kids.  God still shows me He is the power source.  But everything else needs to be reinstalled.  It didn't reboot with all viruses and malaware that were slowing it down but it didn't reboot with the programs I need either to make it run the way we need it.  I have had to rebuild it program by program.  In my life, I am being rebuilt program by program. 
Which brings me back to the "new thing."  While this move itself has been a whole "new thing," this time it feels personal.  I just started a job which is good, there are lots of people with out them so I feel blessed to have found something so quickly.  I haven't started on the unit yet.  That will come this week hopefully.  Out of all the hospitals in the county, this is the best.  Of all the ER's this is the by far the busiest.  But here's the problem.  I'm not an adult nurse.  I take care of kids.  That is why I became a nurse.  That is what I have done for the past 10 years and that is the last thing of my "identity" I am trying to hold on to with a death grip.  And I hear God saying "You need to do this."  But with tears flowing and fear overwhelming me I say "Why!?! I don't know what to do there. It's not who I am." 
But it's who He says I am right now. I imagine He's also telling me "Your job is not your identity either."  Sigh...this is hard.
This is all a part of the journey.  So I will trust him and I will pray "Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow.  Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me.  All day long I put my hope in you."  (Psalm 25:4-5)
Thanks for accompanying me on the journey....
joy