"The years that lie behind you will in time be remembered only as the way that led to your new life. They can be remembered as God's way of making you more compassionate and understanding toward others." I recently read this quote from Henri Nouwen as I was reflecting over the past year and all that's happened to bring me where I am today.
I have been shown, especially in this past month or so, that some of the experiences I have gone through are happening in other people's lives. I am not talking about I hear about it and I feel bad for them. I am talking that these people have come to me with out any knowledge of me (very few people here know me or my story) and have just started sharing.
The first time it happened, I was like, what in the world? And I felt like I needed to share kindness with that person the way others have done for me in the past.
The next time it happened, God, in his providence, had been preparing my heart the week prior to think about patience. I learned that the Greeks have severalwords for patience but 2 that I have learned about-makrothymia and hypomone. There is one big difference in the patience these words describe. The first, makrothymia, is the fruit of the spirit patience. It is inspired my mercy toward others. It's the patience we need in the long grocery line, with difficult co workers or with our kids. The second, hyponome is the word James uses when he says "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming." (James 5:7). This patience is inspired by hope. The hope that Jesus gives. The hope that knows that everything in this life is temporary. It was crazy because I was reading about it, then our pastor spoke about it, then I had a patient tell me she felt like Job! (Read the rest of James 5 to see why that is really cool). So I was happily able to share all that with her and also how I believe that sometimes we go through stuff so we can help other people. The Bible says He comforts us "....so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 Corinthians 1:4) And then this patient said the most unexpected thing to me after I felt I had been a light "You have suffered haven't you, Joy?" Wow. I did not expect that. I just numbly shook my head and mumbled something like "I think every one suffers some times." And as I reflect on that I feel like I got a word from God and he reminded me He sees me and he knows my past, present and future. And he's able to use all of it.
The last time it happened I felt lead to share some of my story. That was a huge leap for me. I do not like to share about some things, especially what most would deem my failures. But it was amazing because I was able to open up to a relationship with that person and keep pointing back to God as the one who brought me through that situation.
3 people, 3 different situations. God setting it up each time. To God be the glory.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
New
My husband got me a new Bible for my birthday. I had asked for a parallel Bible, which sets 2 translations of the Bible (NIV and The Message) side by side. I got exactly what I wanted and more. It is perfect for me. It is 2 shades of pink, Italian leather, has a concordance, little explanations before each book by Eugene Peterson and very few study notes. It has a shiny cover with crisp, white pages. I have looked at it and read it with delight and admired it's fantastic traits. I got it almost 3 weeks ago and I have not "used" it. When I say "used" I need to explain my current Bible.
The Bible I have now is from my 8th grade graduation. I have had that Bible about 25 years. I am embarassed to admit that up until a few years ago it go barely more than a cursory review every now and again. It has my full name stamped on the front cover and the date it was given to me written on the inside by my mom, along with her favorite verse. I have written my wedding day, my kids' birthdays, and my funeral requests in that Bible. It's verses are underlined, highlighted, circled, noted, referenced, dated, and named for family members who left the legacy of a life verse. It has cards and sermon notes stuck in the back. I look at it and realize it is my life, my heart intertwined with God's message and love for me. I am having a hard time letting go of it.
This seems to be a recurring theme in my life recently and each time I think it can't get anymore personal, it does. If feels like God is saying to me "Joy, I am the New Thing."
The Bible is FULL of the word "new" but it is especially present when God speaks his promises through the prophets.
"And what I do is put new spirit in them, get them up and on their feet again." Isaiah 57:15
"You'll get a brand-new name straight from the mouth of God." Isaiah 62:1
"Pay close attention now: I'm creating new heavens and a new earth." Isaiah 65:17
"God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning." Lamentations 3:22
"I'll give you a new heart. I'll put a new spirit in you." Ezekiel 11:16
And then Jesus came and really showed what "new" was:
"Come with me. I'll make a new kind of fisherman out of you." Mark 1:16
"He said, This is my blood, God's new covenant, Poured out for many people." Mark 14:23
"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other." John 13:34
Sometimes, ok, most of the time I want to cling to the old, the familiar, the safe and what I know. And I get stuck thinking of how I would like some of my "old life" back.
But that's not what God wants from me in this season. He doesn't want me to just observe, tolerate and occasionally appreciate the new things He's given me, He wants me to embrace it. To see it as the gift He is giving me each day. And my new Bible will be my reminder to do that. I definately won't throw away my "old" Bible. I will keep it, cherish it, go back and reference it often. It has taught me alot and it is valued. So with a lump in my throat and a few tears leaking out I have taken my old Bible out and put thee new Bible in the cover. I have made my first underline and date at Isaiah 43:19 (both translations) -"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (NIV) and "Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?" (The Msg)
I see it, Lord. Use this new Bible and new life to keep learning from you and about you. Praise you.
joy
The Bible I have now is from my 8th grade graduation. I have had that Bible about 25 years. I am embarassed to admit that up until a few years ago it go barely more than a cursory review every now and again. It has my full name stamped on the front cover and the date it was given to me written on the inside by my mom, along with her favorite verse. I have written my wedding day, my kids' birthdays, and my funeral requests in that Bible. It's verses are underlined, highlighted, circled, noted, referenced, dated, and named for family members who left the legacy of a life verse. It has cards and sermon notes stuck in the back. I look at it and realize it is my life, my heart intertwined with God's message and love for me. I am having a hard time letting go of it.
This seems to be a recurring theme in my life recently and each time I think it can't get anymore personal, it does. If feels like God is saying to me "Joy, I am the New Thing."
The Bible is FULL of the word "new" but it is especially present when God speaks his promises through the prophets.
"And what I do is put new spirit in them, get them up and on their feet again." Isaiah 57:15
"You'll get a brand-new name straight from the mouth of God." Isaiah 62:1
"Pay close attention now: I'm creating new heavens and a new earth." Isaiah 65:17
"God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning." Lamentations 3:22
"I'll give you a new heart. I'll put a new spirit in you." Ezekiel 11:16
And then Jesus came and really showed what "new" was:
"Come with me. I'll make a new kind of fisherman out of you." Mark 1:16
"He said, This is my blood, God's new covenant, Poured out for many people." Mark 14:23
"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other." John 13:34
Sometimes, ok, most of the time I want to cling to the old, the familiar, the safe and what I know. And I get stuck thinking of how I would like some of my "old life" back.
But that's not what God wants from me in this season. He doesn't want me to just observe, tolerate and occasionally appreciate the new things He's given me, He wants me to embrace it. To see it as the gift He is giving me each day. And my new Bible will be my reminder to do that. I definately won't throw away my "old" Bible. I will keep it, cherish it, go back and reference it often. It has taught me alot and it is valued. So with a lump in my throat and a few tears leaking out I have taken my old Bible out and put thee new Bible in the cover. I have made my first underline and date at Isaiah 43:19 (both translations) -"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (NIV) and "Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?" (The Msg)
I see it, Lord. Use this new Bible and new life to keep learning from you and about you. Praise you.
joy
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Peace
The word pressing on me this morning as I think about what to post is "peace." I have been wrestling with even discussing this one. For some reason it is deep in my belief system that we don't talk about good things because others might think we are bragging. And we don't do that. We also would not want to make others who are struggling right now feel worse. But all of that is a lie and now that it is exposed, I want to look at Truth.
I think when most of us think about peace we think about the absence of turmoil, conflict, pain. But the Hebrew word for peace, Shalom also includes prosperity, well-being, joy, happiness, wholeness. Our understanding of peace has mainly a negative approach, a lack of something, whereas the Hebrew includes the positive aspects as well.
I have just been feeling overwhelming peace for the past while. I guess that's what it is. It's a feeling I have not felt in my core for a very long time. Some days it is much stronger than others but it is always present. I can't explain the feeling very well. It's not related to lack of conflict or stress because I still have plenty of that. But it is calm in my soul.
In the OT the Jews gave a voluntary peace offering on top of their burnt offering. They had a peace from the sacrifice given, from knowing that they were now right with God.
I believe my calm or peace has come from knowledge of being in God's will. A sense that the sacrifices we have made, the uncertain places we have gone, the tough lessons we have learned, the agenda's we have surrendered have been worth all of it. It is God's hand on us saying "You are doing great. Keep seeking, keep following. There will be more surrender, more sacrifice, and more lessons but now you know Me better. It will be a little easier next time."
I have come to love where we are. Not just location although I do really like Florida. When I think about how Shalom means prosperity, well-being, joy, etc. I think about how we have prospered as a family. How our time together and shared memories have grown exponentially. How the kids have come to embrace our lives. How we have been blessed with new friends. How we both have jobs that uniquely fit us. How our marriage has grown closer and we have grown more dependent on each other and God. How my husband is the leader in our home in everyway and I am taken aback when I see some of the changes in him. How we have found a church that is so uniquely fitted to us it boggles my mind. How I have been able to experience God in ways I never have. A total dependence on Him. We have been blessed so much that it almost feels wrong to hide it.
I love that Jesus says peace is a gift. “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." (John 14:27)
In the OT, the peace offering was divided in 3 ways, the best was given to God, the priest was given his share and the rest was given to the person as food. This was consumed in a celebration with family.
I know that I can't have any of this peace without the sacrifice of Jesus so my sins are forgiven. He was the final sacrifice, once for all. I can walk up right and be in fellowship with the One who loves me best and be able to offer my peace offering. I guess this is my mini celebration. My way of sharing my peace offering with all of you.
Thank you for celebrating with me.
I think when most of us think about peace we think about the absence of turmoil, conflict, pain. But the Hebrew word for peace, Shalom also includes prosperity, well-being, joy, happiness, wholeness. Our understanding of peace has mainly a negative approach, a lack of something, whereas the Hebrew includes the positive aspects as well.
I have just been feeling overwhelming peace for the past while. I guess that's what it is. It's a feeling I have not felt in my core for a very long time. Some days it is much stronger than others but it is always present. I can't explain the feeling very well. It's not related to lack of conflict or stress because I still have plenty of that. But it is calm in my soul.
In the OT the Jews gave a voluntary peace offering on top of their burnt offering. They had a peace from the sacrifice given, from knowing that they were now right with God.
I believe my calm or peace has come from knowledge of being in God's will. A sense that the sacrifices we have made, the uncertain places we have gone, the tough lessons we have learned, the agenda's we have surrendered have been worth all of it. It is God's hand on us saying "You are doing great. Keep seeking, keep following. There will be more surrender, more sacrifice, and more lessons but now you know Me better. It will be a little easier next time."
I have come to love where we are. Not just location although I do really like Florida. When I think about how Shalom means prosperity, well-being, joy, etc. I think about how we have prospered as a family. How our time together and shared memories have grown exponentially. How the kids have come to embrace our lives. How we have been blessed with new friends. How we both have jobs that uniquely fit us. How our marriage has grown closer and we have grown more dependent on each other and God. How my husband is the leader in our home in everyway and I am taken aback when I see some of the changes in him. How we have found a church that is so uniquely fitted to us it boggles my mind. How I have been able to experience God in ways I never have. A total dependence on Him. We have been blessed so much that it almost feels wrong to hide it.
I love that Jesus says peace is a gift. “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." (John 14:27)
In the OT, the peace offering was divided in 3 ways, the best was given to God, the priest was given his share and the rest was given to the person as food. This was consumed in a celebration with family.
I know that I can't have any of this peace without the sacrifice of Jesus so my sins are forgiven. He was the final sacrifice, once for all. I can walk up right and be in fellowship with the One who loves me best and be able to offer my peace offering. I guess this is my mini celebration. My way of sharing my peace offering with all of you.
Thank you for celebrating with me.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Cross Roads
When I was a kid I had on orange winter coat. I loved that thing. I don't know why. I would be embarrassed to say that orange is my favorite color as that seems sort of strange. There is probably something significant about that and my personality and I would rather not know. I have noticed I am more "orangey" in the summer thanks to a great pair of capri's and flip flops. How many people have orange flip flops? It reminds me of my 4th grade teacher who wore great flip flops but my favorite were the gold ones. She was awesome. The orange became more apparent today as I was grocery shopping in said capris and flip flops, looking cute with earrings to match and I pulled an orange pen out of my purse. In addition my bedroom is painted this fantastic shade of orange. I love it. But that is not what I had intended to write about but wanted to share my orange observations with someone. And it's why the blog has a new look. :)
I have been given some opportunities here, professionally. They are quite similar to what I was doing before and I am thankful. I prayed that the gifts, skills and opportunities God gave me before would not be wasted. I was a little (ok alot) fearful as it is in my nature to leap headlong into new challenges and projects. Before I even know what's happened I am over booked, over extended and overstressed while my kids are short on hot meals, attention and time from their mom. I am fearful of making past mistakes. I am also aware that, on my own, I did those things because my worth and identity came from the recognition I got from those endevours.
I landed on a Bible verse one day as I was wrestling this through. The verse was this "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for ancient paths ask where the good way is and walk in it, and there you will find rest for your souls." (Jeremiah 6:16) Smack in the middle of the verse I interjected-"This is troubling because I am at a cross roads. I fear making bad decisions."
The next day I was looking over an old devotional and this quote from Beth Moore jumped out at me "Every believer needs second chances. We know we are coming full circle with God when we stand at a very similar cross roads where we made such a mess of our life before, but this time we take a different road."
This is when I am thankful I journal because it wasn't until I turned back a page that the full message hit me.
When I read that I stand amazed of God's love for me and His desire to reveal Himself to me when I seek Him.
So what's my different road? I am still seeking it but I have pinned down a few things. I believe part of my professional "mission statement" is to ensure kids get the best healthcare and my role in that is modeling it when I can, advocating for them or teaching others. God and I agreed on that after my identity crisis as no longer being a "pediatric nurse." It was very helpful to do that as now I have a lens through which I can look and make clearer decisions about where I invest my time and energy professionally. In this "down time", however, I have also been given the opportunity to see how incredibly valuable my time with my family is. I honestly did not see before how much my kids need me and how much better my home runs when it is my family is my priority. It will need to be a very worthwhile endevour to ask me to give up any piece of that time. I am also working on seeing me how God sees me. I have not accomplished this on my own but with the help of very wise counsel. I know that He loves me just because He made me. Not because of any star or dot someone has put on me. And when I believe Him on that I can rest in that and quit trying so hard to earn his love and favor. Anything I do now is an outpouring of that love and not a way to earn it.
So that's where I am at. At the crossroads, coming full circle with God, looking at the ancient paths, asking Him "Which way now?" I can feel confident and not fearful in those decsions and it that my soul can find rest. Thank you Jesus.
in Christ,
joy
I have been given some opportunities here, professionally. They are quite similar to what I was doing before and I am thankful. I prayed that the gifts, skills and opportunities God gave me before would not be wasted. I was a little (ok alot) fearful as it is in my nature to leap headlong into new challenges and projects. Before I even know what's happened I am over booked, over extended and overstressed while my kids are short on hot meals, attention and time from their mom. I am fearful of making past mistakes. I am also aware that, on my own, I did those things because my worth and identity came from the recognition I got from those endevours.
I landed on a Bible verse one day as I was wrestling this through. The verse was this "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for ancient paths ask where the good way is and walk in it, and there you will find rest for your souls." (Jeremiah 6:16) Smack in the middle of the verse I interjected-"This is troubling because I am at a cross roads. I fear making bad decisions."
The next day I was looking over an old devotional and this quote from Beth Moore jumped out at me "Every believer needs second chances. We know we are coming full circle with God when we stand at a very similar cross roads where we made such a mess of our life before, but this time we take a different road."
This is when I am thankful I journal because it wasn't until I turned back a page that the full message hit me.
When I read that I stand amazed of God's love for me and His desire to reveal Himself to me when I seek Him.
So what's my different road? I am still seeking it but I have pinned down a few things. I believe part of my professional "mission statement" is to ensure kids get the best healthcare and my role in that is modeling it when I can, advocating for them or teaching others. God and I agreed on that after my identity crisis as no longer being a "pediatric nurse." It was very helpful to do that as now I have a lens through which I can look and make clearer decisions about where I invest my time and energy professionally. In this "down time", however, I have also been given the opportunity to see how incredibly valuable my time with my family is. I honestly did not see before how much my kids need me and how much better my home runs when it is my family is my priority. It will need to be a very worthwhile endevour to ask me to give up any piece of that time. I am also working on seeing me how God sees me. I have not accomplished this on my own but with the help of very wise counsel. I know that He loves me just because He made me. Not because of any star or dot someone has put on me. And when I believe Him on that I can rest in that and quit trying so hard to earn his love and favor. Anything I do now is an outpouring of that love and not a way to earn it.
So that's where I am at. At the crossroads, coming full circle with God, looking at the ancient paths, asking Him "Which way now?" I can feel confident and not fearful in those decsions and it that my soul can find rest. Thank you Jesus.
in Christ,
joy
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
A real time journey
(Warning what you are about to read is a real time journey of my heart. It may not make complete sense but it is where Jesus lead my heart.)
I am at a point today where I am wondering how David had the guts to go to God and ask for forgiveness. When he was at his worst he was very bad. An adulterer, a murderer, a liar. What in his heart knew that he could turn to God? How did he so intimately know the concept of grace? The bigger question may be why don't I? Why do I feel like I can fail so greatly that I am not worthy of God's love and grace? That I believe that I am too ashamed to go to Him and ask for forgiveness for the same sins again and again. Why do I believe that it is best to just hide for awhile and maybe He and I can just forget all about it?
I don't want to get into the details that have brought this on, that's not what is important and it's between Jesus and me and the one I need to apologize too.
I have been trying to work my way through a book that should not take me so long to get through but I want to absorb as much as I can. The title is "Hinds Feet in High Places." It's a story about Much Afraid. She is working her way to the High Places on crippled feet and a crooked mouth. The Shepard is leading her and she is accompanied by Sorrow and Suffering. Her enemies are Self Pity, Bitterness, Pride, Resentment and Craven Fear.
I realized the other day that her and my enemies are not often from the outside or external circumstancesas is sometimes seems but from the inside and lies that I tell myself. These are the enemies who with their powerful words cause me to want to hide, to not ask forgiveness, that make me believe I am unforgiveable. They want me to believe that situations are hopeless, that I am unfixable, that if others would do or not do certain things I would be ok. It seems that every negative response or emotion I have stems from those 5 enemies. It would be nice if I could always recognize them and pray about it right away but sometimes it seems I am flung so deep into a pit that it takes me awhile to see it allow myself to be pulled out.
So back to the begining and David. David did try to hide and he tried to cover up what he had done at times. He did have to get to his lowest point and be faced with what he had done and faced the music (2 Samuel 11 and 12). He and God had a dialouge in the throes of all this in Psalm 32. I love how God starts the dialouge.
GOD: Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
DAVID: When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Selah (pause)
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Selah (pause)
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah (pause)
GOD: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
DAVID: Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart.
JOY: Thank you Father. Thank you that you are always there, ready to listen. Ready to forgive. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for the realness of your Word. Thank you that you used real people and their failings and real emotions to show your love and forgiveness. I am believing you and I am asking for your forgiveness, I am trusting your unfailing, unwavering love. Fill me with your Spirit so that I can ask for forgiveness from others and help me to give grace when I need to. Praise you Jesus.
joy
I am at a point today where I am wondering how David had the guts to go to God and ask for forgiveness. When he was at his worst he was very bad. An adulterer, a murderer, a liar. What in his heart knew that he could turn to God? How did he so intimately know the concept of grace? The bigger question may be why don't I? Why do I feel like I can fail so greatly that I am not worthy of God's love and grace? That I believe that I am too ashamed to go to Him and ask for forgiveness for the same sins again and again. Why do I believe that it is best to just hide for awhile and maybe He and I can just forget all about it?
I don't want to get into the details that have brought this on, that's not what is important and it's between Jesus and me and the one I need to apologize too.
I have been trying to work my way through a book that should not take me so long to get through but I want to absorb as much as I can. The title is "Hinds Feet in High Places." It's a story about Much Afraid. She is working her way to the High Places on crippled feet and a crooked mouth. The Shepard is leading her and she is accompanied by Sorrow and Suffering. Her enemies are Self Pity, Bitterness, Pride, Resentment and Craven Fear.
I realized the other day that her and my enemies are not often from the outside or external circumstancesas is sometimes seems but from the inside and lies that I tell myself. These are the enemies who with their powerful words cause me to want to hide, to not ask forgiveness, that make me believe I am unforgiveable. They want me to believe that situations are hopeless, that I am unfixable, that if others would do or not do certain things I would be ok. It seems that every negative response or emotion I have stems from those 5 enemies. It would be nice if I could always recognize them and pray about it right away but sometimes it seems I am flung so deep into a pit that it takes me awhile to see it allow myself to be pulled out.
So back to the begining and David. David did try to hide and he tried to cover up what he had done at times. He did have to get to his lowest point and be faced with what he had done and faced the music (2 Samuel 11 and 12). He and God had a dialouge in the throes of all this in Psalm 32. I love how God starts the dialouge.
GOD: Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
DAVID: When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Selah (pause)
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Selah (pause)
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah (pause)
GOD: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.
DAVID: Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart.
JOY: Thank you Father. Thank you that you are always there, ready to listen. Ready to forgive. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for the realness of your Word. Thank you that you used real people and their failings and real emotions to show your love and forgiveness. I am believing you and I am asking for your forgiveness, I am trusting your unfailing, unwavering love. Fill me with your Spirit so that I can ask for forgiveness from others and help me to give grace when I need to. Praise you Jesus.
joy
Thursday, May 27, 2010
"Never stop praying"
Prayer. When God presses something so frequently on my heart and on so many people I know and love in one day I feel I need to pay attention. I feel like many are getting the message I am getting "Cry out, reach out, pray!"
I started to notice it when I received an invitation on Facebook to pray for a little boy who had suffered a traumatic injury. I accepted that request and have kept that boy and his family close in my heart. Because I have a heart for sick and injured children this really broke my heart. A family friend posted updates on FB so people could pray more specifically and his dad journaled his journey on a Caring Bridge website. There were 48,378 people who accepted the call to pray for him and 156,396 visits to his Caring Bridge website.
I was touched and humbled by this family's journey and testimony of faith. I hope that they know or eventually will know that in this many people were shown a loving God who gently cares for His own because of their testimony. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/benjaminricketts/journal
I could type and type about my emotions related to this family, but what is really pressing on my heart is the number of people who came along side them in prayer. And this is the theme I have seen in the past few days. Sometimes we are reluctant to "burden" others with our prayer needs. Why is this? For me, it's pride. I don't really want to share my burdens, because then you would know I struggle. And you probably thought I was superhuman before so I don't want to spoil that for you. :) It doesn't make sense I know and I am have come a long way. But the thinking was definately there. Maybe we don't think we are worth other peoples time. But here's the thing, Jesus is worth it. When anyone prays they are going to the Intercessor. They are able to enter the Holy of Holies and that is not a burden. That is a privilege.
I admit that being far away, I feel helpless alot when I want to be with my extended family and I want to give them a hug or some time or some action and so I feel like "Well at least I can pray." Why is prayer relegated to a "last resort"? It's what I do when I can not physically do something. But that is wrong thinking. The most powerful thing I can do is pray. Prayer moves the hand of God. It shows utter dependence on Him. It acknowledges His control and His power, not mine. It gives Him the glory. I need to be reminded of this more often when I think the best thing I can do for my kids and my husband is to give them my words or actions to "help" them.
Here's something I didn't know. I did a search on BibleGateway to see how many times the word "prayer" was used in the Bible in some form. That's pray, prayer, prayed, praying, etc. I had thought it would be a big number like 1051 or something. But it is 365. My God is not a God of accidents or coincidence. When He says "Never stop praying" (1 Thess 5:17 NLT) He shows us how much He means it.
joy
I started to notice it when I received an invitation on Facebook to pray for a little boy who had suffered a traumatic injury. I accepted that request and have kept that boy and his family close in my heart. Because I have a heart for sick and injured children this really broke my heart. A family friend posted updates on FB so people could pray more specifically and his dad journaled his journey on a Caring Bridge website. There were 48,378 people who accepted the call to pray for him and 156,396 visits to his Caring Bridge website.
I was touched and humbled by this family's journey and testimony of faith. I hope that they know or eventually will know that in this many people were shown a loving God who gently cares for His own because of their testimony. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/benjaminricketts/journal
I could type and type about my emotions related to this family, but what is really pressing on my heart is the number of people who came along side them in prayer. And this is the theme I have seen in the past few days. Sometimes we are reluctant to "burden" others with our prayer needs. Why is this? For me, it's pride. I don't really want to share my burdens, because then you would know I struggle. And you probably thought I was superhuman before so I don't want to spoil that for you. :) It doesn't make sense I know and I am have come a long way. But the thinking was definately there. Maybe we don't think we are worth other peoples time. But here's the thing, Jesus is worth it. When anyone prays they are going to the Intercessor. They are able to enter the Holy of Holies and that is not a burden. That is a privilege.
I admit that being far away, I feel helpless alot when I want to be with my extended family and I want to give them a hug or some time or some action and so I feel like "Well at least I can pray." Why is prayer relegated to a "last resort"? It's what I do when I can not physically do something. But that is wrong thinking. The most powerful thing I can do is pray. Prayer moves the hand of God. It shows utter dependence on Him. It acknowledges His control and His power, not mine. It gives Him the glory. I need to be reminded of this more often when I think the best thing I can do for my kids and my husband is to give them my words or actions to "help" them.
Here's something I didn't know. I did a search on BibleGateway to see how many times the word "prayer" was used in the Bible in some form. That's pray, prayer, prayed, praying, etc. I had thought it would be a big number like 1051 or something. But it is 365. My God is not a God of accidents or coincidence. When He says "Never stop praying" (1 Thess 5:17 NLT) He shows us how much He means it.
joy
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Where have I been?
I doubt there are too many people who follow this blog and have been wondering where I have been. But I don't post for others really. I mean I hope it helps and people can relate but mostly it's my "processing tool." And I, for myself, need to acknowledge, "Where have I been?" When I type, often the Holy Spirit gives me insight, I can not normally attain on my own. When I am not typing the enemy has won a small victory because it means either a) I am too busy or distracted to be listening to what God has to say or b) I am isolating and hiding and can't hear what God has to say. In this case both are true. The busyness of the end of the school year, a trip out of state, and settling into a new job has kept me very distracted. When I am distracted and "doing my own thing" the second thing happens. I am not in the Word, I am not in frequent time with God and I start to unravel. My patience wears thin, my frustration with little things mount, fear creeps in areas that God has already shown me He has in control. And because of all these things I isolate and I believe the lies of self pity, doubt and fear.
I recognized I was at this point most obviously this weekend. The pastor from a church we have been going to invited us over for dinner with his wife and family. I won't go into all the details but will say that they are a couple, who are our age, similar aged kids and similar interest (Beth Moore and golf!). The conversation was great and it was wonderful to hear their story and to share some of ours. But I found moments of when I condemned myself at the end of the night as "sharing too much." I believed the lie that "Well if they are going to reject me it might as well be now." I was told once that when I do that I am like a leper who walks around shouting "Unclean! Go ahead and get close but you can't say you haven't been warned!" I have also been told that usually what I percieve as "sharing too much" and drive people away most people just let it roll off of them and they will like me for me. Sunday morning came around and it looked like we might not make it to church because Steve was getting held up at work. I admit I was ok with that because I could not take the rejection outright. I believed the lie of "Reject them before they reject you!" But Steve hurried home and we made it. Here is where God stepped in and stomped the enemies lies to smithereens. We weren't there 5 minutes and the pastor's wife came up and invited me to dinner tonight with the group of ladies who had just finished a Beth Moore study. If you read this post you know the isolation I have felt. If you know me, you know that God has hand picked the perfect group of women for me to meet with on my first night out on my own here. And I am thankful and overwhelmed by His love and His unique plan.
And by the way, Steve is playing in a golf outing with the pastor and 2 other men at a fund raiser for an organization who connects people who are going through breast cancer. It's called Breast Friends. Again, unique to him as his mom died from breast cancer and she would have LOVED this idea (and the name!).
"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!" (Psalm 139:1-7) Amen
joy
I recognized I was at this point most obviously this weekend. The pastor from a church we have been going to invited us over for dinner with his wife and family. I won't go into all the details but will say that they are a couple, who are our age, similar aged kids and similar interest (Beth Moore and golf!). The conversation was great and it was wonderful to hear their story and to share some of ours. But I found moments of when I condemned myself at the end of the night as "sharing too much." I believed the lie that "Well if they are going to reject me it might as well be now." I was told once that when I do that I am like a leper who walks around shouting "Unclean! Go ahead and get close but you can't say you haven't been warned!" I have also been told that usually what I percieve as "sharing too much" and drive people away most people just let it roll off of them and they will like me for me. Sunday morning came around and it looked like we might not make it to church because Steve was getting held up at work. I admit I was ok with that because I could not take the rejection outright. I believed the lie of "Reject them before they reject you!" But Steve hurried home and we made it. Here is where God stepped in and stomped the enemies lies to smithereens. We weren't there 5 minutes and the pastor's wife came up and invited me to dinner tonight with the group of ladies who had just finished a Beth Moore study. If you read this post you know the isolation I have felt. If you know me, you know that God has hand picked the perfect group of women for me to meet with on my first night out on my own here. And I am thankful and overwhelmed by His love and His unique plan.
And by the way, Steve is playing in a golf outing with the pastor and 2 other men at a fund raiser for an organization who connects people who are going through breast cancer. It's called Breast Friends. Again, unique to him as his mom died from breast cancer and she would have LOVED this idea (and the name!).
"O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!" (Psalm 139:1-7) Amen
joy
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